Jo: Honey, you don't seem like your normal self.
Michael Scott: Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Jo: Mama Jo knew there was something up.
Michael Scott: Whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.
Jo: Oh, I hate that.
Michael Scott: And my new favorite restaurant sucks. I bought a video camera last year, and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only like twelve minutes that I felt was worth taping the whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. What is that? ... I miss Holly.
Jo: Who's Holly?
Michael Scott: Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.

Andy: Gabe, I told you all about the printers.
Jim: I mean, it could be you, Gabe. I mean, that's the point.
Pam: Yes, it's totally obvious.
Creed: I think we all can agree that it's either Gabe or Angela. [flips a coin] It's Angela. Get her, boys.

Michael Scott: Apparently, there are allegations that Sabre printers can cause a fire. So they asked me to give a statement to the press. I'm like, what? All right. So I do it. It's on TV last night. And it's in the paper today. And it's online. And then I call Froggy 98.7, the request line. I talk to the host about it on the air. It's like, come on, people, enough.

Michael Scott: Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. I am officially the second-most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site.
Oscar: What's number one?
Michael Scott: Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! I would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip eleven times.
Jim: So instead of working, you want...
Michael Scott: Yes.

Jo: It's a little form, says "I did not do it."
Michael Scott: There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like...
Jo: All that's just birthday information, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture.

Jo: So say we catch this whistleblower, what do you think I should do with him?
Michael Scott: We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the al-Qaeda.
Jo: Uh, that's, uh, Guantanamo Bay.
Michael Scott: Yes. You put them in jail for a long time, you put them in jail for as long as you can.
Jo: Well, I guess we're all right, Michael.
Michael Scott: I want these people to really pay, I want them to suffer. I'd prefer it if they died, 'cause it's not right.

Nick: Hey, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hey, IT guy.
Nick: Mind if I get in there for a second?
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, sure thing, go ahead.
Nick: Just one... [Dwight pushes Nick's head down onto the desk and holds his arm up behind him] Gah! Ah! Dwight, what the hell?
Dwight K. Schrute: Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! What are you doing to my computer?
Oscar: The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. Thanks a lot, Big Brother.
Dwight K. Schrute: You're with Big Brother? Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide.

Jo: Okay, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here... You should fire the following people.
Jo: Well, I'm inclined to believe you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Why would I disparage a company that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams?
Jo: Yeah, I noticed you've had a great year. Good boy. You turning that money into more money?
Dwight K. Schrute: Are you referring to alchemy?
Jo: I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, but if you ain't investing in property, then you're dumber than a dummy.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm not dumb. I'm smart.
Jo: Well, buy property. That's my advice.

Jo: Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was.
Toby: Well, that's...
Jo: And we didn't find anything on your computer.
Toby: Good.
Jo: Except this. [hands stack of paper to Toby]
Toby: Oh, wow, this is, uh, just a mystery novel that I've been working on.
Jo: I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?
Toby: Oh, uh, I don't know. Uh...
Jo: The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself, or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
Toby: Oh... yes.
[aside to camera:]
Toby: Write your own damn novel.

Michael Scott: You leaked it?
Pam: I don't know what to do! Do I go tell Jo, or- I don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person!
Michael Scott: I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. Oh, God, my mind is going a mile an hour.
Pam: That fast?