Michael Scott: Oh, things with Donna are so... oh-ho-ho! They're going great. I, uh- We're just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and... orally. And I am not used to relationships going this well. I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it!

Andy: Hey, Gabe I need to talk to you about something. It's really important.
Gabe: There's no way that you guys have any almond butter, right?
Andy: Yeah, I don't know. Look, one of my clients called. He was in the middle of a big printing job and the back of the printer started smoking and then the paper tray caught on fire.
Gabe: That's weird. I haven't heard of that happening. I would even settle for apricot preserves.
Andy: What are we gonna do about this?
Gabe: I don't know. Call HQ, see if they know anything. Yeah. That's what I'll do today. All right. Yeah.

Dwight K. Schrute: All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.

Jim: Wow, it's a little early for ice cream, don't you think?
Michael Scott: It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.
Pam: Oh!...
Jim: Oh, my God.
Michael Scott: It's comfort food, all right? [disgustedly] God.

Michael Scott: We'll see what Dwight says.
Pam: Why do we have to see what Dwight says?
Michael Scott: Because I have him investigating her. I'm waiting for a text update.
Jim: Michael, no.
Pam: No, no, no, no. Undo that. Undo that.
Michael Scott: It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.

Andy: What's up? I got your e-mail.
Darryl: Close the door.
Andy: Okay.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: I don't have a plan exactly. More of a loose structure. Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz. [scatting] Andy don't mess with me. [continues scatting] I'll figure something out.
[back:]
Darryl: Some freaky stuff going on. I was walking behind Gabe and I heard some things.
Andy: Such as?
Darryl: It was kind of mumbled. I don't know. Uh, only thing I could make out clearly was "Andy," "Problem," "Eliminate," something. I don't know what it meant.
Andy: What? You don't know what it meant? How about "Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him?"
Darryl: Whoa. I hadn't even thought of that.

Pam: Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not something that a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael.
Jim: Wait, so are you... You like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right?
Pam: No. Except for the pendant that you bought me. Which I love.

Pam: So it turns out Donna and I have a Facebook friend of a friend in common, so I was able to see some of her pictures online. This was taken two weeks ago. And this was taken the same night. This photo was taken this morning. It's Cece. She's never gonna do anything wrong.

Darryl: It's bad.
Andy: What's bad?
Darryl: It's real bad.
[aside to camera:]
Darryl: Still no plan.
[back:]
Andy: Oh, God.
Darryl: It's getting bigger.
Andy: I might have to go public here, but no one's gonna believe me. Uh... I need proof. I need, like, a printer to catch on fire.
Darryl: I can videotape it.
Andy: Yeah.
Darryl: [to camera] There it is.
Andy: There what is?
Darryl: What?

Gabe: [to Andy] I talked to corporate. Turns out there have been 12 reports of faulty printers. Out of 400,000. [smiles] We've investigated. Every time it's been user error. They block the vents or something, I don't know. That's why we have the fine print. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. So I'd like to reward you for that. [pulls out a gift card] That's good for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.