Pam: Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get 10 vacation days a year and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible. And this year I got to the third week in January.

Michael Scott: Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh... No. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."

Michael Scott: Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her.

Ryan: Jim's been looking at me, kind of, a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.

Dwight K. Schrute: It's still stinky.
Michael Scott: That is worse.
Dwight K. Schrute: She probably scrubbed it into the fibers of the carpet. Total permeation.

Michael Scott: I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually. So this is sort of like my audition tape. [clearing throat] I can't stand it. I can't stay in here another second. No!

Jim: Hey, Kelly.
Kelly: Are you moving back here?
Jim: Just for the day, while Michael's at my desk.
Kelly: Because Toby used to sit there, but then he had to move over there because of an allergy.
Jim: Allergy to the desk?
Kelly: Weird.

Oscar: What happened in Michael's office was wrong. I understand it. It makes sense. [laughing] But it was still wrong.

Michael Scott: You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense.

Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, am I the 107th caller? [hangs up, picks up again] Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller? [again] Hello, Rock 107, am I the 107th caller? [to Michael] I'm totally gonna win us that box set.
Michael Scott: Stop.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jethro Tull.
Michael Scott: Stop it. Stop it. Don't. Don't.
Dwight K. Schrute: I need to make a sales call. Please?
Michael Scott: All right.
Dwight K. Schrute: [on the phone] Am I the 107th caller?