Michael Scott: Is this done?
Darryl: Nope.
Michael Scott: Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you'd be fired like that.

Creed: Who do you think did it?
Oscar: Are you kidding? I thought it was you.
Creed: Really? I thought you.

Michael Scott: This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them.

Michael Scott: You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're not doing this today.
Pam: That doesn't seem fair.
Michael Scott: You want to talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus, I just I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage.
Dwight K. Schrute: But you're the one who picked today.
Michael Scott: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what a hate crime is.
Michael Scott: Well, I hated it a lot, okay.

Kelly: Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together. But don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows?

Michael Scott: Do you remember Ed Truck?
Creed: Sure. He hired me. How's he doing?
Michael Scott: How would I know?
Creed: I thought you might.
Michael Scott: My biggest fear is turning into him.
Creed: Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that.
Michael Scott: I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?

Michael Scott: Well, somebody did something in my office and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me.
Ed Truck: Well, what was done?
Michael Scott: I didn't get a good look at it, but it smells horrible.
Ed Truck: Yeah, somebody once did that in my office.
Michael Scott: Really?
Ed Truck: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Well, that figures. So, how did you deal with people not liking you?
Ed Truck: You can't expect to be friends with everybody.
Michael Scott: Well, sure I can.
Ed Truck: No. They'll always think of you as a boss first.
Michael Scott: Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father.
Ed Truck: I'm not sure that ever happens.
Michael Scott: Well, okay. Different management styles.
Ed Trucky: Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends?

Pam: [on answer machine] Hey, Jim, it's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you and then Michael's there and it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back. [beep]
Hey, guess what? I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator. [beep]
Sudoku. Level, moderate. Time, 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert. [beep]
I'll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is- Okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy or who knows what would have happened. So, thank you. [beep]
Hey, what's that word we made up for when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe. [beep]
Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early and I'm not messing this up. So, I'll see you tomorrow. [beep]
Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk.

Kelly: Oh, my God, he is so cute. Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me?
Jim: Oh, no, I don't think I can-
Kelly: Oh, please, Jim. Please, please, Jim. Please, please, please, he's so cute. I like him so much. And I would do it, but I'm too shy. Please, Jim. Please, please, please. Please, Jim. Please, please, please.

Jim: Pam's on vacation and she gets back tomorrow, so it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice. And she set a date for the wedding with Roy. June.Summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that.