Michael Scott: Okay, I will only need two things: a roll of duct tape and a knife.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm on it.
Michael Scott: Okay. Thirty minutes or less, please come back. Save the receipt.

Michael Scott: Dwight and I are going out. He will return later, but I will not. I will also be taking a personal day tomorrow and perhaps the next day.
Pam: Do you want me to ask where you're going?
Michael Scott: No.
Pam: Great.
Michael Scott: Dwight'll be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness, where he will then leave me to either die or to survive. The choice is yours.
Jim: No. The choice is actually yours.

Jim: Are you sure you wanna do this?
Michael Scott: Yes, and I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me.
Jim: Okay, great.
Michael Scott: This is a very personal, private experience in the wild that I wish to share - with me, myself, and I.
Jim: Yep.
Michael Scott: When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.
Jim: That'd be great.

Michael Scott: Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug.

Creed: I hate devil's food.
Jim: I think Meredith-
Creed: Screw Meredith. I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday.
Jim: Everybody's birthday.
Creed: Today is actually my birthday and I wanna pick the cake.
Jim: What you want?
Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie.
Jim: You want a birthday pie?
Creed: I want a nice cobbler.
Jim: I'm gonna talk to Angela to see what we can do.
Creed: I don't care who you talk to, just make it happen.
Jim: It'll be Angela.
Creed: You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.

Dwight K. Schrute: I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support. But I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.

Andy: Tuna.
Jim: Andy.
Andy: Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? "Fudgey the whale."
Jim: Not your birthday.
Andy: Well, I'm just saying, you know, if you want to make people happy, namely me, you will have a fudgey the whale.
Jim: All right. I'll look into it. But the answer's no.
Andy: Wow, okay. Harsh. Just don't expect me to show up.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael is a man of great depth and passion. I don't know what he's searching for out here. But I hope he finds it. [picking up a bird's nest full of eggs] Lunch.

Michael Scott: I have made this spear with which I will impale my dinner. And it couldn't come a moment too soon because I have been without food for a good three hours or so. Starting to feel it a little bit. It's Creed's birthday today. [singing] Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday dear Cre-ed Happy birthday to you Happy birthday, buddy.

Michael Scott: Well, if you take a look at this I tented my pants. I've made myself a nice pants tent shelter. And this little guy may be Dunder Mifflin paper someday.