Kelly: [in a Cookie Monster voice] "My name is Kevin, I'm an accountant." See, I did the voice.
Ryan: That's a little derivative.
Kelly: But parody is always derivative.
Ryan: Uh, it's not organic. Do you know what I mean?

Pam: [imitating Cookie Monster] "Hey, Erin, You look delicious. I mean, beautiful."
Gabe: Okay. Okay. There, I heard that. So I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days.
Pam: What? What do you mean, suspend me?
Jim: I think you need to go a little easy. You can't just suspend someone form work.
Gabe: Yeah, you're right. You know what? Um, you're suspended too, Jim. [Dwight starts to clap] Okay, fine. You too, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, What? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making.
Gabe: I don't want to hear it. Suspended.
Kevin: "C" is for suspension.

Gabe: That was ugly. I'm sorry you had to see that.
Kelly: Well, do they still get paid?
Gabe: It's tacky to discuss finances. It's best to pretend that this never happened.
Oscar: Sounds like they just got to go home with pay.
Meredith: Yeah, it's pathetic.
Gabe: Can I buy everyone coffees? [everyone shakes their head] [in Cookie Monster voice] "Or cookies."

Andy: I was just wondering what you had planned for Secretary's Day.
Michael Scott: I'm going to give Erin $15.
Erin: I know that Erin would be so psyched if you took her out to lunch.
Michael Scott: A one-on-one lunch with Erin?
Andy: Yeah. She really looks up to you. And there's only so much we can do as her coworkers. Secretary's Day is really kind of a boss-secretary thing. [As Michael looks over to Erin at reception, Erin waves her teddy bear's arm at Michael]
Michael Scott: She's kind of a rube.
Andy: That's my girlfriend you're talking about.

[Kevin shows Gabe the video Oscar made of the Cookie Monster]
Gabe: This is violent and offensive.
Kevin: Thank you. [computer continues] It really makes me self-conscious about my voice.
Gabe: It's awful. [hands Kevin a box of tissues]
Kevin: I'm not crying.
Gabe: You have some food on your face.
Kevin: [on computer as Cookie Monster] Do my hands feel sweaty to you?

Michael Scott: I've been trying. I've been trying to keep it going. Erin is just weird.

Erin: How many pillows do you sleep on at night?
Michael Scott: So how are things going with Andy?
Erin: He's the best boyfriend in the world. Tell me about him before I met him.
Michael Scott: Well, let's see. Um... Andy. Plays the banjo.
Erin: Yeah, I love that.
Michael Scott: Other than the fact that he dated Angela, I don't think he is a snappy dresser.
Erin: What?
Michael Scott: I don't think he is the best dresser. Reminds me of Easter.
Erin: Sorry. About Angela? Did you say he dated Angela?
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm. You didn't know that? Oh.

Erin: Why wouldn't he tell me that?
Michael Scott: I don't know. Probably didn't want you to have a mental image of him having sex with somebody else.
Erin: They had sex?
Michael Scott: They were engaged, so...

Michael Scott: Okay, you know what, sir?
Waiter: Yes?
Michael Scott: Yeah, I asked for pickles with my burger. And there are only, like five or six. Could I get some more pickles?
Waiter: Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles.
Michael Scott: Thank you.

Erin: Uh, they were engaged?
Michael Scott: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Erin: Uh-oh.
Michael Scott: Well.
Erin: [moans as she pulls her hair over her face]
Michael Scott: What are you doing? What are you doing?
Erin: In the foster home, my hair was my room. [exhales, prolonged exclaiming]
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. You know what? You know what? You know what? Everybody's looking at you right now. [turning to the other diners] I'll have what she's having!