Michael Scott: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you're lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say, that's crazy. I say, "Let them eat cake." Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.

Michael Scott: No need for consternation. Everything is under control.
Jan: [on the phone] Michael, last Friday, one of your employees attacked another employee in your office.
Michael Scott: It was a crime of passion, Jan. Not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.

Dwight K. Schrute: [answering cell phone] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. Hello?
Jim: [on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello? Hello?
Jim: Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second.
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, what are you doing?
Jim: And how many would you like?
Dwight K. Schrute: Hang that up right now.
Jim: Absolutely. I can get that out to you immediately.
Dwight K. Schrute: This man is an imposter. Don't do business with him, this is not Dwight Schrute.
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Dwight left his cell phone on his desk. So, naturally, I paired it to my headset.

Oscar: Well, this is what happened. Ryan's big project was the web site, which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as office sales, and once as web site sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.

Kelly: I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit and get my hair done. And then be, like, "Hi, Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison."