Michael Scott: [Southern accent] Oh, you startled me. My stars, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. What can I do you for?
Erin: Wallace is on the phone. He's returning your call.
Michael Scott: Detective Wallace?
Erin: I don't think so. I think it's David Wallace from Dunder Mifflin.
Michael Scott: Aw, shucks, tell him I'm not here.
Oscar: You're not gonna answer the phone?
Michael Scott: No, I only answer to Detective Wallace 'cause I got a warm body in the other room.
Jim: I'll take it.

Pam: What's the news?
Jim: Nothing yet.
Phyllis: Well, I guess that's not-
Jim: Well, there is some bad news. [accent] There has been another murder.
Michael Scott: A murder, you say? I do declare.
Jim: Conference room everyone.

Andy: I didn't do it!
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, everybody just calm down.
Andy: I am calm.
Michael Scott: On the count of three we're all going to put down our guns.
Dwight K. Schrute: I have crossbows.
Michael Scott: We'll put down our weaponry on the count of three, you ready?
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, I'm ready.
Michael Scott: One, two, three.. [all scream]

Jim: Andy revealed himself to be a double agent. At which point Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was double agent. And then Michael announced to everybody that- get this -he was a double agent. Oh, and it is 6:00.

Andy: [in character] Hey there, young lady.
Erin: Hello.
Andy: I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend.
Erin: Sounds like a plan, Sugar.
Andy: All right, a plan it is.

David Wallace's Secretary: [on phone] I'm sorry, Michael, David's in a meeting.
Michael Scott: Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. [Valley Girl voice] Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious! [laughs]
David Wallace's Secretary: Um, I'll just have him call you back.
Michael Scott: Okay, okay. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. [hangs up] He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free.

Oscar: I found the article. "On a day marked by panicked corporate board meetings, one that is relatively not surprising is Dunder Mifflin's. It is rumored that they will recommend... " and the article cuts off.
Michael Scott: It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say?
Jim: Are you serious?
Andy: I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it.
Phyllis: "It is rumored that they will recommend declaring bankruptcy."
Michael Scott: No, no, that doesn't make any sense.
Stanley: Oh lord, we're all gonna lose our jobs.
Oscar: Not necessarily, bankruptcy could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're just restructuring to get out of debt.
Michael Scott: Oh, that sounds awful.
Oscar: Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin.
Michael Scott: Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory.

Andy: Who'd you get?
Erin: Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, a vivacious young socialite with a penchant for scandal.
Andy: Ooh, saucy.
Erin: How about you?
Andy: Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother.

Angela: Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary.
Michael Scott: It's not scary.
Angela: I don't like my character.
Pam: Who are you?
Angela: Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this.

Michael Scott: Well, how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon... Oh, I make them feel beautiful.