Dwight K. Schrute: Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, because I kicked in all the stalls.
Jim: Well, that's an invasion of privacy, so I'm gonna tell Michael.
Dwight K. Schrute: Please, don't.
Jim: You owe me.

Michael Scott: Yeah, I've been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but you're on the road so much. You get no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.

Michael Scott: Hey, Pam. All the stuff with Kevin is pretty scary. And I'm thinking that next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time-bags. All right? Think about it.
Jim: It's something to think about.

Toby: Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is terrible.

Delivery Woman: Hi. Delivery for Michael Scott.
Michael Scott: Here we go. Okay, this is great. Thank you, my friends. She is perfect. Dwight, may I have your chair, please? And some singles if you will? All right. Okay. All right. This has arms. Is that gonna be a- Is that all right?
Delivery woman: Sure.
Michael Scott: [laughing] Okay. I'm so nervous.
Pam: I can sign for it.
Delivery woman: Oh, thanks.

Michael Scott: You're late.
Kevin: Thank you, it's noon.
Michael Scott: But, I forgive you. Because doth, it is my birthday.

Dwight K. Schrute: Birthday hug.
Michael Scott: No, no, no, no. New suit. Please.
Dwight K. Schrute: That suit is amazing.
Michael Scott: Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually, Bulgaria. So...
Dwight K. Schrute: Hmm. Maybe I should get one.
Michael Scott: Good luck. One-of-a-kind.
Dwight K. Schrute: EBay.

Dwight K. Schrute: Party Planning Committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority.
Phyllis: Where do we get those?
Dwight K. Schrute: Not my problem. Here's a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by.
Pam: Michael wants a stripper gram?
Dwight K. Schrute: Yes, but he doesn't want to know when or whom.

Toby: Who brought in donuts?
Michael Scott: Somebody got donuts for my birthday.
Toby: Happy birthday.
Michael Scott: You didn't know it was my birthday?
Toby: I guess I forgot.
Michael Scott: Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut.
Toby: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: Mmm.

Dwight K. Schrute: Michael! Michael! Michael! Michael! Michael! Come here, come here, come here, come here.
Michael Scott: What? What?
Dwight K. Schrute: Listen up, everyone. It is 11:23 exactly. The exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal. So, huh? Right, have a seat please.
Michael Scott: Oh, God.
Dwight K. Schrute: There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair.
Michael Scott: Oh, no.
Dwight K. Schrute: So come over and help me celebrate Michael's birth moment.