Kelly: Second opinion on what?
Kevin: I might have skin cancer.
Kelly: Oh, no. I was watching Grey's Anatomy and there was a lifeguard on it, and he had skin cancer, too.

Oscar: Skin cancer is treatable.
Kevin: Right.
Oscar: It's gonna be okay.
Angela: You don't know it's going to be okay. Don't give him false hope. ... It's probably nothing though.

[Dwight plays the recorder for Michael]
Michael Scott: Stop it! Stop! What is that?
Dwight K. Schrute: It's For The Longest Time by William Joel.
Michael Scott: Yeah.
Dwight K. Schrute: It's your favorite song.
Michael Scott: Yeah, when it's on the radio.

Michael Scott: My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Apparently, my mother is the only one who cares enough to send me anything.
Dwight K. Schrute: I probably care more than she does.
Michael Scott: You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this.

Pam: If I knew I had a week to live, I would probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. It would be a pretty busy week.

Michael Scott: Everybody, birthday party subs. My gift to you.
Oscar: What is this?
Dwight K. Schrute: Baloney, tomato and ketchup.
Michael Scott: The best.
Stanley: These are all the same.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Angela: Baloney? I don't eat baloney.
Michael Scott: Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. It's still good.
Angela: No.
Michael Scott: Just the bread. It's fresh-baked.
Angela: No.
Michael Scott: Okay. Get whatever you want. And choke on it.

Dwight K. Schrute: Save room for ice cream cake.
Angela: Thank you.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, I got it.
Angela: Wait. It's the Party Planning Committee.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispering] This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything.
Angela: Fine.
Dwight K. Schrute: What about that meeting later to discuss finances?
Angela: Yes. [whispering] But don't expect any cookie.
Dwight K. Schrute: But what if I'm hungry?
Angela: No cookie.

Jim: Oh, I dare you to make an announcement.
Pam: You dare me? How old are you?
Jim: Just quit stalling.
Pam: [over P.A.] Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner.
Jim: Such a dork.
Pam: [over P.A.] Jim Halpert, price check on fabric softener. The kind with the cute-
Store Employee: Ma'am, please don't touch that. That is not a toy.
Pam: Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
Jim: How old are you?
Pam: I hate you.

Michael Scott: Here you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that fully recover.
Kevin: It's still scary.
Michael Scott: Yeah, but it's not brain cancer, and it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is?
Kevin: Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and Dacarbazine.
Michael Scott: And laughter also.

Toby: I don't really think people are in the laughing mood.
Michael Scott: Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party.
Toby: I work here.
Michael Scott: "I work here." All right. Well, you know what? Since Toby doesn't speak for everybody, and I am your boss, I think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.
Kevin: If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy.
Michael Scott: Well, you're pretty much driving everybody else here crazy. ... Crazy with worry.