David: [on the phone] What's up Jim?
Jim: Uh... [clears throat] Well, it's about Athlead. I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be on this part of the phone call?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'd love to be in the loop, David.
David: It's okay. Go ahead, Jim.
Jim: There's a very exciting opportunity to be a core investor –
David: Okay. Jim, I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
Jim: Yes, okay. Bye.
Dwight K. Schrute: [whispers] I'd love to invest.
Jim: No, thanks.
Dwight K. Schrute: I'd like to give you $100 million.

Hide: Why you make trees into bushes? You don't make paper from bushes.
Pam: Hide, they're giving out jobs upstairs. Why don't you go up and get one?
Hide: Thank you.
Pam: Yeah.

Wolf: Man, how cool is it gonna be when I start working here? Paintball fights at lunch.
Dwight K. Schrute: Mandatory paintball. Uh, wolf, please report to the parking lot for mandatory paintball at lunch.
[aside to camera:]
Dwight K. Schrute: Wolf is hilarious. He has executed me over 100 times at point-blank range. Half of ‘em, we were on the same team. Oh my God. How I screamed. Ah, that goof.

Hide: I have eight years experience selling electronics in Sanyo store in downtown Tokyo. I was a doctor. And I have a business degree from Tokyo University.
Dwight K. Schrute: This isn't gonna work out.
Hide: Thank you. [chuckles]

Dwight K. Schrute: Nate is a proven entity, but not without his handicaps: hearing, vision, basic cognition. Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today, and this is a guy who loves to start fires. Troy is literally one of a kind. He's a goblin, or a hobbit, or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. And yet I'm hesitant. Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them?

Trevor: Hey man, we get how difficult this is. And no matter how you choose, we're still gonna be your friend.
Wolf: Yeah, whether it's me or Troy Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvina—
Dwight K. Schrute: Or none of you. [chuckles]
Wolf: Yeah, you'd bring us all down here, put us through the wringer and then choose none of us.
Trevor: Can you imagine how insulting that would be? The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you.
Dwight K. Schrute: I wish I could hire all of you.
Zeke: I could start Monday.

Dwight K. Schrute: Psst. Jim Jim? [whispering] Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around.
Jim: Ah, I love staring off in one direction. If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. That's what I always say.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, this is an outrage. Ugh! You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever.
Jim: That seems inconsiderate.
Rolf:No. We get it. Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. No, wait. Do open them. Totally safe.

Jim: Hey. Meet your new desk mate.
Clark: What's up good lookin'?
Pam: Oh, cool. Hey Clark.
Jim: Trust me, this is the least of all evils. It took me all day to pull this off, so you should be thrilled, considering.
Pam: Yeah, I guess. I mean, I kinda liked my old desk mate.
Jim: Okay. I'm really sorry, I told the guys I'd be there for the board meeting.

Dwight K. Schrute: They say that everyone outgrows their friends at some point in their lives. Well, I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours.