Pam: I'm sorry for pushing you toward Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out. Come on.
Jim: [to camera] That's just a figure of speech, you know. Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. And who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone? Right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland because it's double the pay and soft-shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.

Pam: Okay, greatest strength.
Jim: Okay, okay.
Pam: A dog-like obedience to authority.
Jim: Nice.
Pam: But that doesn't sound good.
Jim: Okay, okay. How about the ultimate team player?
[aside to camera:]
Jim: Dwight is special. But I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Preferably Alaska or India.

Michael Scott: If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so that you could still be friends with the person firing you?
Sherry: [on the phone] Jan wants the name as soon as possible, Michael.
Michael Scott: Thanks. I'll call her back. I wish I could fire Sherry.
Sherry: Hey, I'm still here.
Michael Scott: Okay. I'm sorry.
Sherry: Yeah.
Michael Scott: No. Okay. Bye.
Sherry: Hanging up now.

Michael Scott: Um Pam, I have to let somebody go today. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Pam: Why did you put it off until Halloween?
Michael Scott: Because it's very scary stuff.
Pam: I think it's gonna put a damper on the party a little.
Michael Scott: You're worried about the party? There's a man's life at stake here.
Pam: So it's a man?
Michael Scott: No. Or woman. A human life. If you had to guess who it would be based on their job performance and who you think deserves to be fired, who would that be?
Pam: I just answer the phone.
Michael Scott: And sometimes you just let it go to voicemail.
Pam: ... Your costume is fantastic.

Angela: Well, I looked through all the budgets and there is one department-
Oscar: Yes.
Angela: that has three people-
Oscar: Yeah.
Angela: doing the work that could be done by two.
Oscar: This is great. Oh.
Kevin: Yeah. Oh.

Michael Scott: Who do you think it should be?
Dwight K. Schrute: Jim, definitely.
Michael Scott: No, Jim brings in money.
Dwight K. Schrute: Phyllis?
Michael Scott: No.
Dwight K. Schrute: Stanley, Pam, Oscar, Meredith, Kevin, Angela.

Michael Scott: It's not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because that has the least effect on morale.

Dwight K. Schrute: One of the warehouse guys.
Michael Scott: What? There is someone left off that list?
Dwight K. Schrute: Who? Who is he saying?
Michael Scott: [gasps] You're right. I didn't even think of him.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Michael.
Michael Scott: Yeah, that's actually a really good idea.
Dwight K. Schrute: No. No. Not me. Not Dwight.
Michael Scott: I'm not saying that's what he said.
Dwight K. Schrute: I know that's what he said.

Angela: Those aren't chips and dip.
Pam: No, I made brownies. [Angela scoffs] What?
Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.
Pam: I made brownies.
Angela: And I made cookies. Same category.

Michael Scott: So, how did it go with Stanley? How did he take it?
Dwight K. Schrute: He wouldn't listen to me.
Michael Scott: Oh, come on.
Dwight K. Schrute: If you wanna fire him, you're gonna have to tell him yourself.
Michael Scott: I don't wanna fire Stanley. I never said that. I'm certainly not going to do it myself. Get those big baleful eyes staring at me. Yikes.