Phyllis: Look, Michael, it's a going-away present so your hands won't get cold. It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring dry gently, and use a hair dryer on cool.
Michael Scott: Sounds great. I just think it's great.

Michael Scott: Oh, I have gifts as well. And I will start by giving the first gift to Phyllis. Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should, because you have great ideas. So, Phyllis, I am giving you this so you can always remember to speak your mind. [Michael hands her a set of chattering teeth]
Phyllis: Gee, thanks, Michael.
Michael Scott: You're welcome.
Phyllis: It's cute.

Michael Scott: Stanley, you love your sudoku and your puzzles. I bestow upon you, my felt. May you never lose the fun-loving quality in life.
Stanley: Where's the rest of it? It's got no balls.
Michael Scott: Well, okay.

Pam: So I'm going to Carbondale this afternoon to get a new bulk shredder.
Kevin: Finally. That old shredder sucked.
Pam: It's a good shredder. It just keeps breaking.
Kevin: Yeah, and it won't shred magazines.
Pam: It's not supposed to shred magazines, Kevin.
Kevin: I know.
Jim: Did you break the shredder, Kevin?
Kevin: No. It's just that old shredder sucks. Just get one that'll shred magazines.
Pam: I don't think any of them are supposed to shred magazines.

Michael Scott: [crying] I can't- I can't do this. All the channels are gonna be different there. I'm not gonna be able to find my shows. I'm not going to start improv at level one. I don't think my credits are gonna transfer. And you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote.

Michael Scott: I gotta call her. And I am going to tell her that I cannot come.
Holly: [answering phone] Hello there.
Michael Scott: Hi. What is the name of our town?
Holly: Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?
Michael Scott: No. No, I just needed to hear your voice.
Holly: [as Yoda] Oh, you mean this?
Michael Scott: [laughing] Yeah. [as Olive Oyl] Yes, my hero.

Toby: Well, you know Michael, I have a brother, in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up.
Michael Scott: [long silence; through gritted teeth:] Okay.

[Michael stands behind Ryan in his blue-lit broom closet/cubicle where Michael's old neon sign hangs]
Michael Scott: She was once my girl, and she is your girl now.
Ryan: Wow. Yeah. This is totally unnecessary.
Michael Scott: You're not prone to seizures?
Ryan: No.

Michael Scott: Catch you guys on the flippety-flip. Flippety-flip. Flippety-flip. Really? Okay, see you guys.

Erin: I know that Gabe is young and hot and everything, and he's begging me to reconsider, but I- I just think I'm in love with someone else.
Michael Scott: Kevin?
Erin: Andy. I wish I knew who my birth mother was so she could just tell me who to choose.
Michael Scott: Maybe neither.
Erin: I'm not attracted to Kevin.
Michael Scott: Erin, listen to me. You shouldn't rush into this at all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful, and you are fun, and you are smart. And when the right guy comes along, you'll know it. You will. Hey.
And you know what? You don't need a mom, because you have my number and you can call me anytime.
Erin: Extension 147.
Michael Scott: N...
Erin: I know.