Phyllis: Okay, well, then I want an extra vacation day.
Angela: Pet Day! I want Pet Day back, no dogs.
Kevin: Put back everything in the vending machine except the fruit.
Dwight K. Schrute: I put everything back in the vending machine.
Kevin: Put everything back in the vending machine except... the fruit.

Jo: Hey, all! Cornelius, Bobo, have at it. Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don't seem to know they're brothers.
Dwight K. Schrute: Hello, Jo. Welcome. Well, shall we begin?
Jo: Slow yourself down there. Just like a man. Wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on.

Erin: I'm taking a break from dating. Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him.

Kevin: No food now? Someone has to do something about Dwight!
Creed: He put some snacks in the freezer for us.
Pam: You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?
Creed: No. The blueberry Slurpee pouch.
Phyllis: He means the ice pack.

Dwight K. Schrute: I take full responsibility.
Jo: Who else would be responsible?
Dwight K. Schrute: Pam made me put a banana in my holster.
Pam: You shot a gun off!
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. Did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes.
Jo: Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.
Dwight K. Schrute: Got it.
Jo: I love you, Dwight. But you don't fit this job.
Dwight K. Schrute: [on the verge of tears] Jo, please... I will -
Jo: No, child. No. It's over. Now I gotta find a replacement for my replacement.

Pam: We could get Deangelo flowers.
Dwight K. Schrute: No, you can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up.
Phyllis: Yeah, that's true.
Jim: All in favor of the baskets full of chocolates, teddy bears, and balloons?
Dwight K. Schrute: Wait, wait. All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline, and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse?
Jim: Nope. Baskets have it.

Jim: [on the phone] Well, I really appreciate the offer, but I'm just happy the way things are. Okay. Thank you. [to Pam] That was Jo, asking me if I wanted to take over as acting manager while they find a replacement. I told her... I don't want to mess this up, right? There's a consensus, people are happy.
Dwight K. Schrute: [answering phone] Dwight Schrute. Yes, I would. Thank you. [hangs up] Jordan, gather my things from my desk. [Dwight walks to the manager's office, rubs the door frame, sits at the desk reverently]
Jim: Wait...
Pam: What have you done?

Dwight K. Schrute: Mose, you'll never guess where I am right now.

All: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation...
All but Oscar: ...under God...
All: ...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Angela: Amen.
Dwight K. Schrute: Excellent. Morning announcements: There's been a problem with some people sharing copier codes. Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you, and you only, okay? Don't share it. Jo Bennett, our CEO, will be here today for a high-level meeting involving Gabe and myself.
Erin: Ooh, about what?
Dwight K. Schrute: That's on a need-to-know basis.
Erin: I thought I needed to know for your calendar.
Dwight K. Schrute: [quietly] General meet-and-greet.

Dwight K. Schrute: [surprising Kelly] Aha!
Kelly: Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
Dwight K. Schrute: Gotcha! Why are you late?
Kelly: It's none of your business, actually. It's very medical and personal.
Dwight K. Schrute: All right. You stop me when I reach the diseased area. [Dwight points to her legs and slowly raises his finger up, stopping at her mid-section]