Jim: Now would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?
Charles: God, no.
Dwight K. Schrute: Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.
Charles: I agree. It just-
Dwight K. Schrute: I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
Jim: Really? Does he do good work or-
Dwight K. Schrute: No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist.

Michael Scott: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael Scott: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. And I was wrong. It's this.

Pam: You want to hear something sad?
Michael Scott: I would love that.
Pam: So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive, so I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-Mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview.
Ryan: I never went to Thailand.
Pam: Really?
Ryan: I went to Fort Lauderdale.
Michael Scott: Was it nice?
Ryan: Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great pad thai place, though.
Michael Scott: I love pad thai.
Ryan: You never had pad thai.
Michael Scott: No. There's a lot I haven't done.

Jim: Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?
Michael Scott: We're not hiring, Jim.
Jim: Actually here for something else.
Michael Scott: Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.
Jim: You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I tell what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales.
Ryan: Well, that's nice.
Jim: David Wallace has asked me to come and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out.
Pam: Seriously? Are you being serious?
Ryan: He's bluffing.

Michael Scott: Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl-
Jim: Oh!
Michael Scott: No. We don't have-
Jim: Oh! See, I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout.
Michael Scott: [scoffs] Uh. Yes.
Pam: Yes.
Ryan: Maybe.
Jim: Three yes's.

David: Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer.
Michael Scott: And we are prepared to reject that offer.
Ryan: Michale, you haven't even heard-
Michael Scott: Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer?
David: $12,000.
Michael Scott: Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was.

David: Here's the situation. Your company is four weeks old. I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can't be making very much money. I don't know how your prices are so low but I know it can't keep up that way. I'm sure you're scared. Probably in debt. This is the best offer you're gonna get.
Michael Scott: I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you're going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you.
David: Okay, now, I don't know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How's about $60,000? Huh? $60,000. Michael?
Michael Scott: [quietly] We'll have to talk-
David: What?
Ryan: We're gonna have to talk about this.
Michael Scott: Just amongst ourselves.

Dwight K. Schrute: They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can mean only one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.
Jim: Great work, Dwight.
Dwight K. Schrute: Quiet you.
Jim: I mean, great detective work. 'cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked.
Dwight K. Schrute: You don't crack a case. That has a pejorative connotation. It's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.
Charles: So how long can they stay viable?
Jim: What are your top five cases?
Dwight K. Schrute: I'm gonna answer Charles first.
Jim: Because you've solved zero cases.
Dwight K. Schrute: Okay. One, case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom! Case closed.
Charles: Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room.
Dwight K. Schrute: Done.
Charles: Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today.

Charles: Hey, guys-
Michael Scott: No, no. You're done.

Dwight K. Schrute: Okay, let me float something out there. Okay? Can I just- Can I say something? There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe and put that in his bathroom.
David: I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option is to make Michael an offer.
Charles: Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.
Jim: Ah. But you didn't.
Dwight K. Schrute: Oh, man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
Charles: What is wrong with you?