Frankie: Guess who has plans for tomorrow night. Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny have invited us to bingo at the church.
Mike: You know, a few weeks ago, I would've laughed. But I'm actually excited. [both chuckle]

Reverend Hayver: G-56. Aunt Edie, what am I missing on The Bachelor?
Aunt Edie: Three words. Hot-tub fight.
Frankie: No.
Reverend Hayver: O-72.
Frankie: So Tara's still in the running?
Mike: Frankie.
Frankie: But he's so handsome and she's so skanky.
Mike: Frankie. Bingo.
Frankie: You won?
Mike: No, you won.

Mike: We got a bingo. Let's collect that prize and go. I hope it's the his and her medic-alert bracelets.
Frankie: Yeah, all the bacon we eat, they'll come in handy.
Reverend Hayver: Well, you picked a good night to come to church. [Mike chuckles] Ladies and ladies, we have our thousand-dollar winner. [crowd applauds]
Mike: A thousand dollars?
Frankie: Wait. A real thousand dollars? Not like church bucks or diner coupons? Oh, my God. [both laugh]

Frankie: Kids, get in here. We need to talk to you.
Sue: Oh, no. Mom's dying.
Frankie: Sit down.

Mike: Now here's the deal.
Frankie: Dad and I won a substantial amount of money at church bingo.
Brick: All right.
Sue: Awesome.
Axl: You were playing bingo?
Frankie: And we thought it only fair that you guys weigh in and tell us what you think we should do with the money.
Sue: [gasps] Ah! I can get modeling classes.
Axl: Whoa, I need a new amp.
Brick: I need 20 bucks to bribe a playground monitor. Or hire a bully.

Mike: Look, hold on. We were thinking more along the lines of something the whole family could enjoy. [places hand on TV]
Frankie: Dad's right. [points with the TV remote] We need something that will make us happy. But what could that be?
Axl: I vote amp.
Brick: Twenty bucks.
Sue: Modeling.

Axl: Sue, get real. Look at a supermodel and then look at you.
Sue: Oh, I could so be a supermodel. Mom. Dad. Couldn't I be a supermodel?
Frankie: Yes.
Mike: No.
Sue: Well, like you could be a rock star.

Brick: I just wanna get out of dodge ball.
Mike: Look, I think we're getting away from the point here. The point is we need to channel all those thoughts and get a clear picture of what would make us all happy.
Axl: We already told you what we wanted.
Frankie: You know what? You're all useless. This is an adult decision, get out. [Axl groans] [Sue sighs]
Mike: What the hell did we do right that not a single one of them picked TV?

Frankie: [v.o.] So we thought about it and in the light of day, things seemed clearer.
Frankie: Well, the first thing we should do is not leave a thousand dollars sitting on the counter.
Mike: Kids blew their shot. It's all here.
Frankie: Mm. I hate to say it, Mike, but given our situation, I think we both know what we have to do.
Mike: Yep.

Brick: Here's the plan. We'll tell Rayna that one of the four-square boys likes her.
Girl: Really?
Brick: She'll run over to the four-square boys to find out if it's true.
Girl: Hey, Mitch. I hear you like me.
Brick: This will cause him to freak out and drop the four-square ball. We'll grab it and throw it into the middle of the handball area, wrecking their game.
Boy: Hey, your stupid ball messed us up.
Brick: They'll blame the four-square boys for ruining their game. And this will create a diversion, causing Mr. Seifried to leave the door.
Corey: He's not moving. It's not working.
Brick: Not yet.
[Brick bites into a bag of candy and lobs them into the playground. As the kids swarm around the candy, Mr. Seifried blows his whistle]