Hutch: Dude. Dude. Come on. [Axl groans] Wake up. We're gonna miss breakfast... [opens shades] or dinner.
Axl: [yawns] Where's my phone?
Hutch: Uh, it...
Axl: Oh, I have a message.
Woman: [on cellphone] Axl, you're so hot. I want to... [static] ...all night long. Oh, hey! You got my favorite oinge shirt all wet!
Hutch: Whoa! Hey, who was that?
Axl: Number's blocked. Who did I talk to last night? W-where did we go?
Hutch: Uh, we started at a frat party, then the dorm party, then some kind of guitar circle with a bearded dude. Hey, I know who it could be. You were dancing with fourth floor hottie last night.
Axl: Really? Nice job, me.
Hutch: It was going pretty well until you caught your reflection in the mirror, and then you started dancing with yourself.
Axl: Weird.
Hutch: You were doing, like, a two-step. [snapping fingers] Oh! Got the hips. You're like...

Frankie: Do you have any idea what you're doing?
Mike: Worst-case scenario, I start a fire.
Frankie: Hey, did you see this? Orson has the Patch online now.
Mike: Great. Now it's even easier to read stuff I don't care about.
Frankie: Well, I think it's good that they have something like this for local news. Oh! Remember that dog that kept digging up the flowers at the courthouse? Turns out it was a gopher. They got it on hidden camera.

Sue: Mr. Farrar, the reason I called this meeting is because I need to discuss JP-La, and...
Mr. Farrar: So you're the undercover drug agent.
Sue: What? No, I'm not a narc. I'm JP-La. Junior Peer Leadership adviser. Did you know that the students here still don't even know each other? This is why I'm proposing... here it comes, Hands Across Orson High. The entire student body will stand holding hands in an unbroken chain of connectivity that stretches all the way from the football field to the place where that drunk kid drove into the pole. It'll be huge.
Frankie: [v.o.] It wasn't.
[Sue, Brad and Carly hold hands in a deserted hallway:]
Sue: Just wait. They'll come. It's still early yet. [lights go off] They'll come.

Frankie: Speaking of working hard...
Mike: Frankie.
Frankie: ...the quarry is giving your dad an award for his 20 years of hard work.
Sue: That's amazing!
Brick: Nice job, Dad!
Sue: Is it a certificate, a trophy, a plaque? Is it framed, unframed? Is there a gold seal?

Frankie: See, Mike? Your family just wants to bask in your glory. Why won't you let us bask? I never get to bask.
Mike: Because everybody's got to get an award or a pat on the back for the smallest thing. I don't need an award for doing my job. Now, that's the end of it.
Frankie: It's like our 10-year wedding anniversary. I wanted to renew our vows. Reverend Hayver came over, and you wouldn't stop mowing the lawn.

Frankie: I just find it sad that Mike is refusing to go to his own awards dinner. So I thought maybe you guys could help me out. Like, what is work Mike like?
Jim: Well, every day, he comes in and says, "Morning."
Chuck: And at lunch, he eats a turkey sandwich and says, "Back to work."
Dave: End of the day, it's always, "See you tomorrow."
Frankie: Huh. Just like home Mike, but without the TV. I was actually hoping that maybe you guys could sway him in a way that I can't.
Chuck: Listen, wife of Mike, you got way more sway than us. Tonight, when you go home, you got to light a candle, shake off the sheets, and get your man all syncopated with the rhythms of your lady jazz.
Frankie: Well, I'm not saying that my lady jazz isn't in play. It's definitely in play. [Mike's workers notice him walk up behind Frankie] And... once you meet your deductible, your dental treatments are 100% covered. Hey, Mike! Can you believe I came all the way over here and forgot the free toothbrushes? [chuckles]
Mike: Back to work. [to Frankie] Back to work.

Hutch: You hear that? "Oinge"! Who pronounces orange "oinge"?
Axl: That's it. All we got to do is find the girl who says "oinge." [chuckles]
Hutch: We talked to like 200 women that night. We're never gonna find her.
Axl: Hey, there's a girl out there who wants to [imitates static] all night long. I thought college was gonna be non-stop [imitates static] but six months and not even a [imitates light static] so if she's out there, damn it, we're gonna find her.

Frankie: Oh, okay. So that's what this is about, the speech. I should have known. No problem. I can help you. You- You just have to say a few words. That's all. You know, it's mostly just, like, kind of thank people. I mean, you want to be humble, but cool, also a little entertaining. Um, okay, so, what rhymes with "limestone"? Uh, winebone, chimecone, time zone! Yeah, no. Oh, I don't know what to do with that. Okay, you know what? [clicks pen repeatedly] Let's just... Let's just spitball here. Let's just move some energy around. All right, I say a word, you say a word. I say "hard hat," you say...
Mike: Good night.

Frankie: [v.o.] And just when Sue thought things couldn't get any worse... [Sue sneezes] ...they did.
Sue: [coughs] [snorts] I think I got sick from working so hard on JP-La... and waking up with frozen hair didn't help. I just feel bad. I really want to see Dad win his award.
Mike: Maybe we shouldn't leave Sue here. Maybe we should just all stay home.
Brick: Whoa, whoa, whoa, this is my big night, too. I've looked like Ernie and/or Bert for the last 10 years. I finally look snazzy, and I am showing it off.
Frankie: You're going, and you're staying. Just drink lots of liquids. Text me if you need anything. Don't run the toaster if you're falling asleep. And if you're hungry, there's popsicles on the counter. [Sue sneezes] Good luck, Dad. I hope you win.
Mike: It's not a contest. I already won.
Sue: Well, sometimes you think you won, and then at the last minute, you didn't. Wait for them to call your name... twice.
Mike: Twice. Got it.

Axl: [answers phone] Yep?
Cassidy: Hey, Axl, it's Cassidy.
Axl: Cassidy. Hi.
Cassidy: Is it a bad time?
Axl: Uh, not at all. No.
Hutch: Okay. Say it.
Girl: Oinge?
Axl: Uh, hang on, Cassidy.
Carly: Are you sure this isn't a bad time? You obviously have company.
Hutch: Say it again.
Girl: Oinge.
Cassidy: I hear someone saying "oinge."
Axl: Wait. Are you saying "oinge" 'cause you heard someone say "oinge," or are you saying it that way 'cause that's how you say "orange."
Cassidy: What?
Axl: What juice comes from Florida?
Cassidy: Oinge?
Axl: Oh, my God!