Brick: The Silligans come from a drier planet and are a rock-type people, whereas the Vernegos' habitat is a lusher, forest area...
Sue: Brick, enough! You have been droning on and on since we left. I am trying to concentrate. Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider than any car I've ever driven.
Brick: Sorry. Well, do you wanna listen to a book on tape?
Sue: Please. [tape rattling]
Brick: [on tape] But Soran would have to navigate the Asteroid belts of Norox without a working Pernovian laser. [whispers] Pernovian laser.
Sue: Is that you?
Brick: Uh-huh! I recorded the entire series on tape. I play them when my eyes are too tired from reading.
Brick: [on tape] As professor Faxon's prophecy foretold, Soran's quest...

Male Voice: [on film] [action music plays] Coming, Summer 2016. Based on the best-selling series that swept the nation... [music stops]
Man: [on film] Silligans.
Male Voice: [on film] David S. Rosenthal's... Planet Nowhere.
Brick: They're doing a movie about Planet Nowhere!
Male Voice: [on film] Hugh Jackman as Professor Faxon. Ray Liotta is Gackos the Batossian. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is Soran. And introducing Montana Steinberg as Princess Kalakare. [lasers blasting]
Kalakare: [on film] The Vernegos will prevail.
Brick: Princess Kalakare's 132 years old! That kid's not a day over 11! They can't do this! You can't do this!
Mike: Brick, it's not like the couch. You got to sit down.
Brick: Stop the movie! Stop the movie!

Axl: Okay, Brick, I didn't want to do this, but if you don't help me, I might have to tell Cindy about your sudden penchant for older ladies.
Brick: She'd never believe you. Besides, after she kissed that other boy, she gave me what they call a "Hall pass," which, despite the name, does not give me free access to the library.

Nancy: Frankie, it... it's okay. I'm not mad.
Frankie: Really?
Nancy: Look, people talk about each other. It's what we do. But the thing is, deep in your heart, I know you love me, and I love you, too. I mean, hello! You're like a sister to me.
Frankie: I am?
Nancy: Of course. And no matter what, I could never stay mad at my sister. Get over here. [hugs Frankie] Come on, let's go get a couple of those pineapple drinks.
Frankie: Let's do that, and I'm buying. Ooh, you know what else they had? Watermelon Daiquiris. Doesn't that sound good? I think I'm gonna try that one. [Frankie screams as Nancy knocks her into the pool]
Nancy: Oh, my... Oh, my goodness, Frankie! What happened?
Frankie: Did you push me?
Nancy: No. I think you slipped. See this spot right here? Very slippery. Oh, my goodness. Let's get you out of there.
Frankie: [v.o.] Did I really slip, or did Nancy push me? I kind of hope she pushed me. Because that would mean maybe, just maybe, there's a little sliver of Nancy that's down in the gutter with the rest of us.

Frankie: [v.o.] Spring break, when everyone flees the cold winter weather for the surf, the sand, or, in our case, the couch.
Sue: I think they're gonna love it.
Axl: No way. They're gonna list it. He was very clear he wanted a finished basement.
Frankie: Yeah, but after they did that mold remediation, there's no way they're gonna list it.
Brick: But she's not gonna love it without that mud room.
Frankie: I wonder what we would do if our house was ever on this show.
All: List it.