Brick: The Silligans come from a drier planet and are a rock-type people, whereas the Vernegos' habitat is a lusher, forest area...
Sue: Brick, enough! You have been droning on and on since we left. I am trying to concentrate. Aunt Edie's car is 3 feet wider than any car I've ever driven.
Brick: Sorry. Well, do you wanna listen to a book on tape?
Sue: Please. [tape rattling]
Brick: [on tape] But Soran would have to navigate the Asteroid belts of Norox without a working Pernovian laser. [whispers] Pernovian laser.
Sue: Is that you?
Brick: Uh-huh! I recorded the entire series on tape. I play them when my eyes are too tired from reading.
Brick: [on tape] As professor Faxon's prophecy foretold, Soran's quest...

Male Voice: [on film] [action music plays] Coming, Summer 2016. Based on the best-selling series that swept the nation... [music stops]
Man: [on film] Silligans.
Male Voice: [on film] David S. Rosenthal's... Planet Nowhere.
Brick: They're doing a movie about Planet Nowhere!
Male Voice: [on film] Hugh Jackman as Professor Faxon. Ray Liotta is Gackos the Batossian. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is Soran. And introducing Montana Steinberg as Princess Kalakare. [lasers blasting]
Kalakare: [on film] The Vernegos will prevail.
Brick: Princess Kalakare's 132 years old! That kid's not a day over 11! They can't do this! You can't do this!
Mike: Brick, it's not like the couch. You got to sit down.
Brick: Stop the movie! Stop the movie!

Mike: You're telling guys I'm shy? First off, you don't use that word. And if anything, it's "stoic."
Frankie: Mike, it's not like I'm going around talking about you. I only said you were... stoic as to how it related to your dad.
Mike: W-what are you doing talking about my dad?
Frankie: I don't know, just how you can be sort of like him, and how he hardly leaves the house and he's a hoarder, and he-
Mike: Are you out of your mind?
Frankie: Mike, who cares? If you had a good time, what does it matter how you and Jeff got together?
Mike: Because I'm a grown man! Your wife doesn't call other grown men and ask them to take you out. It's weird.
Frankie: Yeah, but you weren't doing it.
Mike: I'm not 5, Frankie. I don't need you to set up playdates for me. I have friends, okay?
Frankie: And I told him that. I totally told him you have friends.
Mike: Aah!

Jeff: Hey, Frankie! Told you. Never forget.
Frankie: Oh. You out getting some exercise?
Jeff: [laughs] No. I was just returning those casserole dishes to the Donahues. You didn't want that paper plate back, did you?
Frankie: Oh, no. That is our gift to you. [both laugh] You know, Jeff, this might sound weird, but you're really friendly, and my husband... well, he's not always, and I was just wondering if maybe you could ask him to hang out sometime.
Jeff: Oh. Uh...
Frankie: I don't want to imply that he doesn't have any friends. It's just, his dad is a recluse, and Mike definitely has those tendencies. Not that he's gonna become one, but you know, in the back of my mind, I worry about it. Oh, he's also a hoarder. Mike's dad is, not Mike. Anyway...
Jeff: Listen, Frankie, I've got one rule in life: I'll have a beer with anyone.

Axl: I need you to teach me stuff so I can talk to people.
Brick: It's Cassidy, isn't it? You're feeling intellectually inferior.
Axl: No. But if you must know, I feel she's smarter than me.
Brick: Ah. I knew this day would come a day I'd become more to you than something to Indian burn, whip a towel at, or force to smell your farts.
Axl: Just shut up and help me.