Mike: Look, you wanted me to go to the funeral, and I'm going. You won, you got what you wanted, so be happy.
Frankie: But I don't want you to go because I want you to go. I want you to go because you wanna go.
Mike: Well, I don't.
Frankie: Well, you should. How would you feel if you died and someone came because someone made them? And what they really wanted was to be at a basketball game.
Mike: I'd feel dead. I wouldn't care. As a matter of fact, I'm going to specify in my will that if I die during any major sporting event, no one has to come to my funeral.
Frankie: Oh, I have a better idea. Why don't we take you to the nearest stadium and we'll shoot you out of the T-shirt cannon at halftime?

Sue: Mom's gonna call Mrs. Siccola, and then she's gonna find out that we already called.
Brick: Don't panic. Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna call Mrs. Siccola again and say I can come to the party. So when Mom calls and says I can't, it will all make sense.
Sue: Okay, good.
Woman: [on machine] Hello, you've reached the Siccolas. Please leave a message.
Sue: [on the phone] Hi there, Allison. Just calling to let you know that my son can come to the party after all. Thank you. [hangs up]
Brick: Who's your son? You didn't say who you were.
Sue: [gasps] [on the phone] Hi, forgot to say my name. It was Frances Heck letting you know Brick can't come to the party. [cut] He can. He can come to the party. At least for now. [cut] Not that we're expecting anything to happen. All signs are clear that he is coming. [cut] Did I say Axl? Because I meant Brick. You know, I just wanted to be accurate. Hello? Hello? [Brick pulls the phone cord out of the wall]

Frankie: Hey, Axl, I'm gonna need you to start helping out with Aunt Edie and Aunt Ginny starting today.
Axl: Whoa, I get it. Talk as loud as you want. God.
Frankie: I'm serious, Axl. There's no reason you can't contribute. They're your aunts too. You do for family.
Axl: You know what? I completely see your point. And I'd be up for doing the old-lady thing today. Except, sadly, my car doesn't work.
Frankie: Oh. You can drive mine. Dad can take me to and from work.
Axl: God, you are so unfair. I already do just as much as you do around here. I just don't complain about it.
Mike: [to Frankie] When we get old, we're not counting on him to take care of us, right? We got another plan?