Frankie: [v.o.] High school is chock full of land mines. But Axl had made it through his four years pretty much unscathed... until the first day of the last semester of his senior year.
Ms. Schaefer: Foster.
Girl: Here.
Ms. Schaefer: Randall?
Boy: Here.
Ms. Schaefer: Heck.
Axl: Here.
Ms. Schaefer: Heck.
Axl: Still here.
Ms. Schaefer: Uh, no, it says I have two Hecks in this class.
Axl: Well, that must be a typo, 'cause there's no other Heck... except...
Sue: [enters] Sorry I'm late. [gasps] Axl! I didn't know we were in the same class. Oh, my God. [laughs] This is my brother.

Frankie: Look, like it or not, life is full of stuff, and you just have to roll with it. [clatter and crash in distance]
[When the family run outside, they find a tree branch has fallen and crashed through their car's windshield]
Mike: What was that we're supposed to do again? When the stuff happens?

Brick: Hello, Mother. Hello, Father. So now I need a therapist? Am I really that weird?
Frankie: Look, you're no weirder than you've ever been, it's just that suddenly, the school seems to care.
Brick: Don't you think that's something we should talk about? What happened to "You're growing up, Brick," "We should include you in the conversations, Brick"?
Mike: It's good for you, and it's free. You're doing it. [Brick walks off] It is free, right?
Frankie: Oh, yeah. Checked twice.
Mike: Good, 'cause I finally got through to the insurance company. Apparently they're backed up, and it's gonna be at least a week before they can process our claim.
Frankie: What? A week with no windshield? This is not convertible weather, Mike. What are we supposed to do?

Ms. Schaefer: For your first Life Skills project, you will be assigned a career.
[As Ms. Schaefer talks, Axl is bent down in his chair tying his own shoelaces together]
Ms. Schaefer: In addition to a 10-page written paper, you will create a resume and have visual aids for your presentation. You will have two weeks to research and present your findings to the class. Remember, my young professionals, the most important life skill of all have fun! We're gonna be doing this assignment in pairs, so why doesn't everyone go ahead?
Find a partner.
[As Axl focuses on his sneakers, Sue stands up and tries to find a partner but everyone seems to be pairing off.]
Axl: And they said it couldn't be done. Mega-shoelace. [camera shutter clicks]
Ms. Schaefer: So, is there anyone who still doesn't have a partner?
[Without looking up, Axl raises his hand as does Sue.]
Ms. Schaefer: Perfect. You two are now a team.
Axl: No!
[Axl tries to get up and run but he instantly trips]

Dr. Fulton: Another thought... you like books. Why don't you find some fellow book buddies and try to connect with them?
[cut to Brick talking to a boy in the library:]
Brick: So, what kind of story you looking for? Man versus man? Man versus nature? How about a nice epistolary novel? [sighs] [smiles and looks around]

Sue: That's it. We're gonna get an "F." I'm the kid who gets F's now. That's who I am. Maybe I'll just get a tattoo.
Axl: That's it? You're just gonna give up? Oh, my God. What is your problem? It's not even due yet. We got, like, five minutes. We can do this. Hey. Steve. [laughs] What's up?
Steve: What up, Ax?
Axl: Not much. Hey, remember that time at the lake I introduced you to Lindsay Sullivan? How's that going?
Steve: Dude, she's my girlfriend now. I owe you one.
Axl: Yeah. You do. And don't forget that.
Steve: Okay.

Ms. Schaefer: All right.
Axl: [types on phone] "Hey, Michelle. Need a favor."
Ms. Schaefer: Okay. I'm looking forward to hearing everyone's presentations. We don't have a lot of time, so let's get started. Let's see. Sue Heck signed up to go first? [tone sounds over PA]
Girl: [over PA] Hi. This is Michelle with your morning announcements. But first, will Axl Heck please report to the office?
Ms. Schaefer: Well, Axl, we had a presentation order, but if you can find someone who'd be willing...
Steve: Uh, right here. I'll switch.
Ms. Schaefer: Okay. Steve, you and your partner go first, Axl, you can go to the office, but make it quick.

Frankie: [v.o.] The class was called Life Skills, and Axl sure put his to good use.
Axl: Hey, Erica. Look at you making posters. You're crazy good.
Erica: Thanks. Know what I could use? One of these, about... [exhales]
[later:]
Axl: Alan Hung! What's up, buddy? You can, like, hack into people's computers, right? 'Cause there's this paper on my sister's computer, the password is "I heart trying."

Axl: Beth. That's business class, isn't it?
Beth: Yeah. It's so boring.
Axl: I bet. Know what could be fun for you?
[later:]
Axl: Hey, Bernice. Nice work on the tater tots yesterday. Can I help you with this? I need a favor.
[later, Axl stops as he pushes a cart down the hallway when he passes the band room]

Principal Cameron: Nope. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no. Where you going, Mr. Heck? What's all this?
Axl: Hey, Principal Cameron. I'm actually on my way to my Life Skills presentation, and I'm sorta late, so...
Principal Cameron: I see. Well, do you sorta have a hall pass? 'Cause if not, you're gonna sorta need to roll that cart all the way down to detention.
[As the Janitor Mr. Flurry rolls his cart past Principal Cameron and Axl, he hands Axl a hall pass]
Axl: Uh... Oh. Here it is. Must have been in my back pocket. You know, you might want to turn those into badges, so you can clip them right here, or here.
Principal Cameron: All right. Get to class. Uh... I like the badge idea. You're sharper than you look.