Brick: It's huge!
Frankie: It's a normal-sized pill. Now, come on. Ready? Go.
Brick: [whimpers] [crunches] [groans]
Frankie: What's the matter with you? Did I tell you to chew it? You can't chew those. You got to take them with water. [sighs] Come on. You swallowed seven LEGOs... that I know of. It's no different than swallowing food. Here, look. [swallows] [exhales] See? Nothing to it. Now, come on. Let's get it done. You made me waste an M&M.
Brick: [spits out water and pill] Did I do it?
Frankie: [sighs] Brick, people your age used to be blacksmiths. They handled hot iron. You can swallow a little pill.
Brick: They also died at 14.
Frankie: Just like you're gonna do if you don't take the damn pill!
Now, come on. You're overthinking it. Just relax. Okay? Put the pill on your tongue and just let it sit there. Now take a sip of water. All right. Now just hold it there. Imagine that it's a river, and the pill is a little raft. And you're just serenely floating do... [Brick grunts as Frankie grabs his mouth] Swallow it, swallow it, swallow it, swallow it. [Brick spits out] Ow!

Sue: Mom! Dad! Help!
Frankie: Sue! What's the matter? Are you okay?
Mike: What's going on?
Sue: [stammering]
Mike: Whoa, whoa. Slow down.
Frankie: Sentences, Sue. Whole sentences.
Sue: East Indy kicked me out! I'm not in college anymore!

Frankie: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you tell them you have it for four years? Did you mention the big envelope? Did you tell them how poor we are?
Sue: Yes, yes, yes! I even showed them a picture of our family room I had saved on my phone, but it didn't help. I made a mistake, and I missed the deadline, and I didn't renew it, and then it's all gone! It's all gone!
Frankie: What? No! They can't do that!
Sue: Well, they did!
Mike: Okay, hold on. Calm down, everyone. When was the deadline?
Sue: March.
Frankie & Mike: March?!
Sue: [groans] I was so happy then. And now I'll never see Lexie again, and I will never paint my face for a Dragons game, and I'll never put a couch on the lawn in the spring... Not that I ever did that, but that's something I imagined myself doing!

Brick: Wow, that's really bad. You know, this probably isn't a good time for me to be swallowing a pill. I don't want to add to the family stress.
Frankie: Brick!

Mike: I think it's smarter if I go down there, calmly explain the situation. So she missed the deadline. There's got to be some kind of grace period.
Sue: Grace period! Yes. Yes, yes! There will be a grace period, and grace will be bestowed upon me. See, you know this because you're the dad and you know about grace periods and you can make it right. Thank you, Daddy! Thank you so much!

Axl: What are you doing?
Hutch: Oh. Hey, Axl. Uh, Kenny and I were just doing a little safety check on the 'Bago.
Axl: Safety check? Weren't you the guy who said, "Brakes are for sissies"?
Hutch: Yeah, well, I just noticed this thing has really been acting up. Like yesterday, it rudely drove itself to Orson again without telling anybody.
Axl: Well, maybe it had to go there because it has a girlfriend whose hair smells like lemons. Lemons!

Ms. Teegarden: Mr. Heck, I did not get to be East Indiana State's first woman bursar by fudging the rules.
Mike: F-First woman bursar, huh? Funny coincidence... Sue here always kind of wanted to be a bursar!
Sue: Oh! Oh, yeah. Oh, growing up, I used to play bursar with my friends in the basement all the time.
Mike: Hoo-hoo.
Sue: Of course, I never withheld funds. I was all about the allotting.

Ms. Teegarden: Look, the truth is, it's not up to me. The state FAFSA deadlines are set by the Department of Education, and we have no control over them. I'm afraid the matter is closed.
Mike: Ye... What if it were your daughter? Here. You be me aa-and I'll be you. Real quick. Let's change places. I'm the bursar, and this is my picture. "Hmm. I sure understand your dilemma. Hmm, let me think about that.
I'm gonna find a way."
Ms. Teegarden: But you are not the bursar. I am. And the answer is no.
Mike: But if you were sitting in this position, I think you would see it. You've come to me. I'm the bursar. This is my cat. "I'm gonna help you 'cause what is a bursar besides someone who sees beyond the bounds of numbers."
Ms. Teegarden: Okay, I'm gonna have to ask you not to touch my cat picture.
Mike: Look, my daughter made a mistake, and sometimes when you make a mistake, someone... can step in... a kind providence, a-a knight, a hero, a bursar... and they can take an action that changes the course of human events! Now, what would that feel like?
Sue: [whispers] Dad, ask her about the grace period.

Sue: Okay. So, what do we do now? What's our plan "B"?
Mike: I don't know, Sue.
Sue: Well, there must be something. [gasps] Oh, wait! You never mentioned Mom's friend, the hostess at Applebee's. Should we go back in?
Mike: No. We're done.
Sue: Well, can't we go over her head? Can't we just keep going over heads until we get to the head that says yes? Come on, Dad. What's our next step?
Mike: [shouts] I don't have the next step! Don't you get it? You know, we wouldn't be in this mess if you paid just a little bit more attention. I thought a summer in Dollywood would help you grow up, but I guess I was wrong.
Sue: Why are you yelling at me? You think I'm not upset? I'm the one who doesn't get to go to college.
Mike: [sighs] Look, I'm sorry. I'm just... frustrated. I'm the dad. I'm supposed to know how to fix these things for you, and I just don't know how to fix this.

Sue: Ugh. Why is the school e-mailing me? Don't they know I don't go here anymore? Wait, what? Oh, my God. No. Wait, Lexie. Can this be right?
Lexie: "Dear Sue Sue Heck, We are pleased to inform you...
Both: "...that you have been reinstated as a student at East Indiana State for the current school year." [both squeal]
Sue: Oh, my God. Oh, my God! I'm back in school! [squeals]
Lexie: Oh, my God. What do you think happened?
Sue: I don't know. Maybe they changed their minds. Maybe because Dad and I were so earnest. Because earnestness triumphs over red tape and bureaucracy every time. Because you don't get to be the first woman bursar of a major university without having a heart!
Lexie: Well, whatever it was, you get to stay!
Both: Yay!
Sue: I love my life! I love my college! I love my room! [air blowing] We got to get out of this dump!