Frankie: [v.o.] Iis there anything better than a surprise party? The only hard part is keeping the secret. But when you pull it off, it's something no one ever forgets. Yep, everyone loves a surprise party.
Brick: I invited my whole class to my birthday on Saturday.
Frankie: [v.o.] Surprise.
Frankie: Saturday? You're just telling me about this now? Oh, Brick. I don't have time to throw a party for 20 kids in 3 days.
Brick: Here's a list of everyone's food allergies and dietary restrictions. We all voted on a peanut butter cake, except for two kids who will die if they go anywhere near it. I'll let you hash that out.

Frankie: Okay, Brick, here's the thing. You invited 25 kids to the party, but everything comes in packs of 24. We're not gonna buy a whole extra set just for one kid, so you're gonna have to uninvite someone.
Brick: I can't.
Frankie: Come on. There's always one kid nobody wants at the party.
Brick: That's me, Mom.

Brick: I already told you what I want. I just want to hear about the day I was born. [Sue squeals]
Frankie: [v.o.] Brick was starting to realize that every time he asked to hear about the day he was born, he never really got the full story.
[flashbacks:]
Frankie: It was a rainy day, and I was at the grocery story, when... Uh-oh. Doorbell.
Mike: It was a snowy day, and your mom was helping me shovel... Was that the doorbell?
Axl: It was a really hot day, so I was getting Mom a popsicle, and, uh... Oh, dude, doorbell.
[present:]
Brick: Why is it every time I ask about the day I was born, no one ever answers me? I've heard a million times how Sue was born on a leap day, so technically she's still only 3 years old, and Axl came out with a pointy head, but no one ever talks about my story. It's almost like you don't want to tell me.
Frankie: Of course I want to tell you. It was one of the happiest days of my life. Mike, I'll need to see you in the dining room.
[Frankie and Mike frantically confer in the dining room before returning to Brick]
Mike: How would you like a brand-new bike?

Sue: Brick's on to us! He knows we're hiding something. He thinks he's adopted, but he's gonna keep digging! What are we gonna do?
Mike: All right, this has gone on long enough. We're just gonna have to bite the bullet and tell him what happened.
Frankie: Oh, no! He'll never forgive us.
Mike: He's getting older, Frankie. We can't wait too long. You waited too long to tell Sue about unicorns.
Sue: That was embarrassing. I did a whole science project about them.
[flashback:]
Sue: And the unicorn's primary food source is rainbows, but they have also been known to eat clouds. [kids laugh]

Frankie: [v.o.] Luckily for me, once his party started, Brick was too busy to ask any questions.
[Brick is reading a book as he sits at the table with his party guests]
Frankie: Well, thank you I for coming to Brick's birthday party. Brick thought it'd be fun to start with some quiet reading time here, and then later we'll all walk to the library. [kids groan] Hey! You think Brick wanted to play in the bouncy house at your party? Or race go-karts at your party? Well, this is Brick's party, so suck it up and start reading.

Mike: Happy birthday, Brick.
Brick: Thanks, Dad. Cool. A manual! And it's in German, Japanese, and French. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.

Brick: The robot takes D batteries! And parts of it were assembled in Mexico! [whispers] D batteries..
Mike: Where's the actual robot?
Brick: [shrugs] I don't know.
Mike: Glad I drove to three stores looking for it.

Brick: Hey, Axl, I finally heard about the day I was born.
Axl: Sweet! Now I can finally go swimming at the Fergusons.
Brick: Fergusons? Who are the Fergusons?
Frankie: Damn it, Axl! You had to blow it! He bought it! We were in the clear. It had heart. It had funny. Great attention to detail. I mean, come on! The sauerkraut by the sink? I pulled that out of my...
Mike: You had to make up a story where I look like an idiot? I won't pay 10 bucks for parking? I'm cheap and a wuss? This is a football scar. From football. Not passing out.
Sue: This is the unicorn all over again.
Mike: I don't pass out. The people at work know I've never passed out.
Axl: A courtesy text would've been nice! I'm not a mind reader.
Brick: You made all that up!? All right. No one gets out of this room until I get the real story. The true, non-made-up, actual, fact-based story. I'm waiting.
Frankie: [sighs] All right, Brick. We'll tell you the real story of the day you were born.
Mike: I am gonna need a beer for this.

Brick: You brought home the wrong baby!? How could you not know it wasn't me!?
Mike: I figured your mom would know. Mothers are supposed to know those things.
Frankie: Oh, so it's my fault? You're the one that had to watch the game. I was all drugged up. They could've put a turkey in my arms, I would've taken it home.

Brick: After careful consideration, I've come to realize something. I have the coolest birthday story ever. [Frankie sighs] Axl and Sue only get one day. I have a whole month.
Frankie: You know, Brick, what I didn't get to tell you the other day was that the moment I held you in my arms. The second time. I knew you were mine. Aw. Blake Ferguson's got nothing on you. Even his name: Blake. It's boring.
Mike: It's no Brick, I'll tell ya that.
Brick: Hey, everyone makes mistakes, even me. Remember that mysteriously broken lamp you grounded Axl for? I walked into it while reading. I was also the one who put the plastic bag In the garbage disposal. It wasn't an accident. I just wanted to see what would happen. But I know you'll forgive me, as I forgive you.
Frankie: Ah.
Brick: Oh, and, um... Here's a list of additional birthday gifts I'd like. The pony doesn't have to be black. Just not white. The white ones are impossible to keep clean.
Frankie: There's over 50 things on here.
Brick: You don't have to get 'em all now. You can take a month... Give or take a day.