Jason: First class was amazing. They give you so many free presents. A shaving kit, an eye mask, oh, a vest. [life jacket inflates]
Tahani: At times like this, it's fun to remember that we're legally married.
Janet: [chuckles] That is fun.
Jason: Oh, I call window seat!

Eleanor: I'm sorry. You were right. I was scared about what it all meant, and I went back to one of my favorite moves, turn on the ol' Blame Hose. [whispering] "This is all you fault."
Michael: Apology accepted. And I'm sorry I dumped iced tea on your head.
Eleanor: Are you kidding me? You did exactly what you should do when you're friend is being annoying. You snapped me out of it. It also made me realize, in a weird way, we are the only truly free beings in the universe, because we actually know what's up with the afterlife. And I think that means we need to be bold. Take the Soul Squad to the next level somehow.
Michael: You're right. We need to find someone who can serve as a... as a blueprint for humanity, someone who's life is so great that we can use it as a model to get as many points for as many people as possible. And I think I know that perfect person.
Eleanor: Rihanna. Good call. I don't know her personally, but I did see her in Vegas once, and her calf brushed up against my tongue. I licked her leg. I was kicked out.
Michael: It's not Rihanna. It's... it's someone way cooler. Hey, everybody out of the car! Grab your bags! We're going to rural Canada!

Eleanor: Now let's go, man. We only have a few hours before we have to pick the gang up from the airport. Fire up Janet's memory gizmo.
Michael: Flooding your brain with memories from the afterlife is dangerous. In one of the reboots, you and Chidi were in love. Can't you just take my word for that?
Eleanor: No, dude, I can't. My screwed-up relationship with my parents made me believe I could never really love anyone. I need to see it for myself. Those are my memories. I want them back.

Michael: Luckily, before we shut the neighborhood down, Janet saved a complete record of all the reboots. Put those in your ears. [light music]
Eleanor: What's all that for?
Michael: You'll see. We're gonna start with a simple, three-second memory.
Eleanor: Why only three second... [device beeps]
[flashback:]
Bambadjan: Oh, hi, Eleanor.
Vicky: Buongiorno, Eleanor.
Eleanor: Morning, Bambadjan. Morning, Vicky. Ugh. Those two are such forking dweebs.
[present:]
Michael: [device beeps] As I told you, recalling afterlife memories here on Earth has some significant side effects. You should be back to normal in about 20 minutes.
Eleanor: [coughs weakly] [teeth clatter]

[flashback:]
Tahani: Michael, what's a "Mirror Centaur?"
Michael: Ah, a stunning creature, whose human half takes on the image of its companion.
Centaur: Greetings. I am T'Hania, Goddess of Beauty.
Tahani: Oh my.

[flashback:]
Chidi: I mean, should I take the cutest puppy, or is that shallow? And is it even okay to separate them? Are they brother and sister? Or... or perhaps, married?
Eleanor: Dude, they're heaven puppies. I'm sure they're both incredible. Just choose one.
Chidi: You're right. The black one. That was my first impulse, and that is the one I'll take.
[later:]
Janet: I'm so sorry, Chidi. Both puppies have been taken.
Chidi: Yeah, I should have seen that coming. My indecision has once again cost me happiness, and I will now suffer the consequences. How many pets have gone unclaimed?
Janet: Three. A 16-foot albino python...
Chidi: Mm-mm.
Janet: Something called a "tarantula-squid," and this owl.
Eleanor: The Tarantula-squid. Tarantula-squid. Tarantula-squid. Tarantula-squid.
Chidi: I'll take the owl.

[flashback:]
Eleanor: Yeesh. What happened, man?
Chidi: Well, I was trying to teach him to play fetch, like I did with my puppy as a kid, but instead of retrieving the stick, he attacked my face with his razor-sharp talons.
Eleanor: Why don't you just ask Michael for a dog?
Chidi: Because it was my mistake to not pick a puppy fast enough. I made my bed, and now I'll bleed in it.
Eleanor: Let me do that, dummy. Come here. What if I talk to Michael for you? That way you don't have to worry about feeling ungrateful, or whatever, and maybe you'll still get a puppy. Instead of...
Chidi: Ow.
Eleanor: Deep wounds.
Chidi: You'd do that?
Eleanor: Of course. It's the least I can do, considering everything you've done for me.

Michael: So you get it, right?
Eleanor: Hey.
Michael: What? You liked him, he liked you. You did nice things for each other. Your lack of parental affection did not make you numb to love, blah blah blah.
Eleanor: "Blah blah blah"? Why don't you want me to see this? What are you hiding?
Michael: Nothing. It's just, the rest is not interesting.
Eleanor: Yeah, no, you're right. "Not that interesting." Just watching myself fall in love for the first time in fake heaven. What else is on? I am going to put this back in my ear, and you are going to show me how thoughtful and caring I am, or I'm gonna rip off your demon head and shove it up whatever's where your butt should be. Roll it.

[flashback:]
Michael: Eleanor, you were looking for me?
Eleanor: Uh, yeah, so, Chidi chose an owl, because he froze up trying to decide between two puppies. Is it possible for him to swap?
Michael: Of course. This is the Good Place. But he might want to hold off. Tonight, we're having a party where everyone gets to transform into their pets for a few minutes, as a treat. Chidi can fly like an owl, and you can do whatever lizards do. Tahani, would you host the party at your mansion?
Tahani: Of course. I'd love to.
Centaur: Is that what you're going to wear?
Tahani: What? N...no. No. Of course not. [soft laugh] Why? Is it unflattering? I... I can change.

[flashback:]
Eleanor: Guys? I can't find my lizard. He was just out there, like one second ago.
Chidi: No big deal. Janet can find it.
Eleanor: No, I can't risk it. These pets are supposed to, like, bond to our souls forever. If Michael finds out mine ran away, he could figure out I'm not the real Eleanor. Just, um, go without me, and tell people that I'm hanging out with my lizard, because we are so meshed together, or, whatever... circle of life, crap like that.
Chidi: You sure?
Eleanor: Yeah. Go enjoy flying. I'll meet you there.
Jason: Come on, Bleek.