[flashback:]
Chidi: So, we are moving onto the subject of free will versus determinism. We are officially done with Nietzsche.
Eleanor: Aww. I'm gonna miss Nietzsche. I spent a lot of my life thinking I was better than everyone else, and he showed me why I was right. Give me that reading list. What do we got? Ooh, a little Aristotle, little Descartes, little Tommy Quine-Quine. That's what I call Saint Thomas Aquinas.
Chidi: Three months of philosophy class, and you're already...
[Eleanor grabs a tissue and hands it to Chidi right before he sneezes]
Eleanor: What are you grinning at, weirdo? [laughs] Come on, we're gonna be late for the neighborhood meeting.

[flashback:]
Chidi: Ooh! This one looks just like the one I had when I was a little kid. He's so cute! But is... is this one a little... a little cuter? I mean, this pup looks friskier. But this one looks a little... a little sweeter. Maybe...
Eleanor: Uh-oh. It's Chidi kryptonite, a choice between any two things. Settle in, lizard. This is gonna be a while.

[flashback:]
Tahani: Oh, a lizard was a perfect choice, Eleanor. You both have combination skin.
Eleanor: Thanks. Hey, this is a weird question to ask. I'll just throw it out there. Can I ride your centaur?
Tahani: I'm afraid T'Hania's quite particular about whom she allows to ride her. I tried, and she gave me a withering stare. Turns out centaurs are a bit tricky.
Eleanor: You didn't have like a stable full of horses growing up?
Tahani: Oh, of course, but they just pulled our carriages, or performed in our horse ballets. They weren't so... what's the word? Judgmental.
Centaur: With whom can I speak about acquiring new shoes? You can't expect me to walk around in these flats all day, like some common glue factory, hobo horse.

[flashback:]
Eleanor: Lizard? Lizard? Where the fork are you? [softly] Lizard! Ugh! Why didn't I name you?

[flashback:]
Eleanor: Sorry I shoved you, man. I've just been a little jumpy. Hey, you didn't happen to see my lizard in the lake, when you were thrashing around down there?
Chidi: No. It was cold and dark and scary. But don't worry, we'll find him. Michael and Janet are busy transforming people, anyway, so they didn't even notice you weren't there.
Eleanor: Holy crap, you're supposed to be flying right now.
Chidi: It's no big deal, I just decided I'd rather be helping you.
Eleanor: Than soaring through the air like an owl? That's amazing. You're amazing. [kisses Chidi]

[flashback:]
Chidi: We just went to Mindy St. Claire's, and when she wasn't trying to trick us into having a threesome, she filled us in on everything that you've been up to here.
Michael: Oh, yeah?
Eleanor: We know this is, like, the hundredth time you've tried to torture us, but this time it's different, because... we're in love. And love is stronger than anything you can throw at us.
Michael: No, it's not. Love is stronger than anything I can throw at you? I could throw an elephant at you. You think a thrown elephant wouldn't crush you because of love?
Chidi: She was speaking metaphorically.
Michael: Even metaphorically, it's lame.
Eleanor: It's okay. No matter what he does, we will find each other, and we will help each other, because we're soul mates.
Michael: [blows raspberry] There's no such thing as soul mates, you dingus. I made it up. I put clowns in your house because you hate them. I forced you to choose the lizard, and then I made that lizard run away. I made it all up! Don't you understand that?

Michael: That's why I didn't want to give you your memories back. I didn't want you to see how cruel I used to be. Plus, I wore a lot of French cuff shirts back then. I thought it made me look classy. It's... it's... it's all embarrassing. But I'm different now, I promise. I'll swear on a Bible like you humans do. I could grab one right now. It's the only book they have in the sex-ed section.
Eleanor: I'm not mad at you. I can't be mad at a demon for being evil. I'm just sad, because I thought for a second I could love someone. But really, it was just you manipulating me into thinking I loved someone. So, I guess I was right. I'm incapable of love. Eh, that's no biggie. Do you wanna get burgers?

Waitress: You want something to drink?
Eleanor: Maybe I do, maybe I don't. But whatever I choose will be the result of millions of biological, genetic, and societal factors that are entirely outside my control.
Michael: Iced tea.
Eleanor: Oh, that sounds good. I'll have one too.

Michael: You saw your friend in pain, and you decided to sacrifice yourself to help him. That wasn't me pulling a string or manipulating you. In fact, it was the last thing I wanted. Ruined my whole plan. Free will.
Eleanor: No, dude. The only reason I cared enough about Chidi to do that, was because you forced us together, made me feel bad for causing him pain.
Michael: Okay, yeah...
Eleanor: Yeah.
Michael: But, no, you were constantly doing stuff I couldn't anticipate. As a matter of fact, I complained to you once, right... right to your face. I think it was reboot 444.
[flashback:]
Michael: Now, is Chidi trapped in the purple space bubble? Yes. Is he in pain? Almost certainly. Will he ever get out? No. However...
[present:]
Michael: Uh, yeah, uh... wrong one. Wrong one. I mean, that's worth watching. [soft laugh] It's great. But uh...
not... not the one I was thinking. [sighs] It's probably, uh, 445.

[flashback:]
Michael: You. In here.
Eleanor: Where am I?
Michael: Hell. You're in Hell. Can I ask you something? Have I missed anything in that freaky little noodle of yours? See I... I've studied everything about your life. I know your hopes, your fears, your psychology, your tendencies. I know all your private shames, like that you don't wash your feet in the shower; your first concert was Barenaked Ladies; and you have frequent sex dreams about Sam the Eagle, from the Muppets.
Eleanor: Well, he's very authoritative, and I find that reassuring.
Michael: You keep making crazy choices I don't understand. Am I missing something?
Eleanor: I'm sorry. Can we rewind for a second? Who are you? Who is that guy? Am I dead? Is Sam the Eagle here?
Michael: No. [snaps fingers]