Michael: It's you guys.
Jason: For real?
Michael: The Judge agreed that the four of you don't need to take the test. Turns out that saving every soul in the universe is worth a few points. You're in. [all laughing and cheering] [a hot air balloon lands] I know, I know. It's real this time. I promise. Get in.
Chidi: Are you coming, too?
Michael: Yeah, I figured I would. Recently unemployed. Might as well do some traveling. Shall we?
Chidi: Whoa.
Jason: Foles!

Megan: Anything?
Steve: Nope. Nobody know squat.
Megan: What the here is going on? We haven't had any new humans to torture in, like, a week. I miss it.
Steve: I know. I got so desperate this morning, I tried flattening an eggplant. It's just not the same.
Bad Janet: Hey, skin tags. Special meeting.
Steve: About what?
Bad Janet: I don't know. Probably your dad's stinky sack. [laughter]
Steve: I hope it's not more sexual harassment training. We just did that, and I'm already so good at it.

Chidi: So these computers have access to every file for every human currently in the Bad Place, and the three of us have a very important job.
Eleanor: To find out which former U.S. presidents were secretly gay.
Chidi: No.
Eleanor: Okay, fine, bi.

Michael: We're uprooting the entire Bad Place system, and these architects are set in their ways. It's gonna take a lot of work, but the work is the fun part, guys. So no matter who long it takes, see it through and usher in a better, brighter future.
Phil: Screw this. I'm not working for a traitor. Phil out. That's my name, Phil.
Michael: Oh, Phil, hey. Come on, buddy. I personally chose you based on your innovative work in the Performative Wokeness department.
Phil: Wow. Way to mansplain my own department to me. And I'm triggered.

Michael: Guys, this is your chance to be part of a bold new future. You telling me there's not one single demon who wants to design the very first sample test of this new system?
Vicky: Oh, there is. And she's a stone-cold fox.

Michael: Vicky, what are you doing here?
Vicky: Relax. I heard about the new system. I love it, and I want to be a part of it.
Michael: Forgive me if I'm a little skeptical, given that you did once try to sabotage my entire neighborhood.
Vicky: Look, after you blew me into goo, I had a lot of time to think while my goo was re-forming. If things are gonna change, then I have to change along with them. And, sure, change can be scary, but I'm an artist... which means it's my job to be scared.

Michael: Okay, so couple of things. We're not using chain saw bears anymore, remember?
Megan: Right. Okay, yeah. What else?
Michael: It was mainly that one thing. Why don't you try again? And remember, the challenges your test subject faces should smaller and... and more relatable.

Eleanor: Whew. Just finished reading up about James Buchanan. Definitely at least a little bi. I'm gonna put him in the maybe pile. I want nachos. Is there a snack bar here?

Jason: What's going on, dog? I know you're upset. You have a tell.
Chidi: I do?
Jason: Yeah, you "telled" Eleanor before that you were upset, and I think you still are.
Chidi: [sighs] Looking at Eleanor's life made me realize how different we are. If the system works and we both pass our tests, I don't see any version of eternity where she doesn't get bored of me. I mean, my fake heaven was a 600-square-foot apartment that was essentially a bookcase and a toilet, and I loved it.
Jason: So what? It's cool that you guys are so different. Sometimes two people who have nothing in common get together, and it rules. Opposites attract.
Chidi: Well, you need that to be true because you're dating Janet. Ultimate opposites.
Jason: So, what, are you saying Janet might get bored of me?
Chidi: No, that's not... I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean...
Jason: Man...
Chidi: Oh, no. No, Jason, come back. I... [sighs] I wish I were back in my toilet library.

Tahani: Well done, Vicky. That was quite good... for the system. For me, it was rather traumatic.
Megan: Okay, so, like, her parents were the chain saw bear, but instead of chopping off her head, they chopped off her self-esteem?
Vicky: Yes, Megan. Good. Take what you know about them and then force them into moments of personal difficulty. Think of it as flattening the penises of their heart.
Steve: Oh. Now it makes sense.
Vicky: Why don't you go deeper into her file and look for other ways to challenge her?
Michael: All right, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, slow down here. Vicky's example was fine. There was some good stuff there. But overall, uh, C-plus. It was a C-plus, I'd say. There are some problems with it. Some technical issues that only I can see and everything. So, basically, it actually kind of stunk. So I think it's just best if you leave, Vicky. This is not working. You're bad at this. C-plus. Okay, good-bye.
Vicky: Wow. Same old Michael. Just can't share the spotlight. Hmm. Well, good-bye, everyone. That's a wrap on Vicky.