Michael: [exhales] You realize what the problem is, right?
Janet: Yes, but there's no way to help.
Michael: Maybe there is. In the afterlife, they all got better because they helped each other. And the key to that was Chidi and Eleanor's connection. If I get the two of them together, everything else will follow.
Janet: Michael, no.
Michael: I'm going to meet Eleanor someplace and plant the idea in her mind that she needs to find Chidi. Oh, and then maybe I'll visit Chidi and make sure that he helps her when she shows up. I'm just going to nudge the two of them together. Just nudge-y nudge nudge.
Janet: The Judge was pretty clear in her instructions, and The Judge is, you know, The Judge of, you know, the universe.
Michael: She'll never find out. She spends all her time in her chambers bingeing TV shows. She's watching all of NCIS right now.

Chidi: But you were saying something crazy happened to you?
Eleanor: Yes, uh, I almost died. And it made me want to become a better person, which I did for a while. But then I fell back into my old trash bag ways. Yesterday, I saw your lecture, and something just clicked.
Chidi: Wait, you flew all the way here from Arizona just to see me?
Eleanor: You know what, don't flatter yourself, pal. Sorry, that's a knee-jerk reaction. Yes, that's exactly what I did. And I know that seems zonkatronic... that's Khloe's word for crazy... but I need someone to help guide me, morally speaking. And I think I need it to be you. What do you say? Will you help me become a good person?
Chidi: Yes.

[flashback:]
Chidi: I'm sorry, but this is an important moment in our friendship...
Michael: [cycling] On your right, mate!
Chidi: Oh, jeez. Watch it, man! [A/C unit crashes] Oh, my God.
Uzo: Are you okay?
Chidi: That... That is right where I was standing. I was frozen here, unable to make a simple decision, and I almost got crushed by an air conditioner. This is a sign. I shouldn't be using air conditioners. The freon is awful for the environment.
Uzo: That's the lesson you take from this? Chidi, your brain is broken. You need to fix your brain.

Chidi: Why choose to be good every day? I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people. Simply put, we are not in this alone. Thank you.

Chidi: Excuse me? What is the maximum number of books that I can check out? Is it 12,000?
Michael: [Australian accent] Got a wild weekend planned?
Chidi: Well, I need to find a new topic for my thesis, and I had this thing happen that made me more decisive, and a few months ago, my friend broke both of his legs, and it's my fault, and blueberries, and I need help.
Michael: Whoo!
Chidi: Maybe that help will come from Tay Zonday's autobiography, Chocolate Book. I mean, who's to say?
Michael: [Australian accent] Mate, I've worked in this library a long time, and I've seen a lot of academic types with that same helpless look on their faces. They all made it through okay. Once they learned the secret.
Chidi: What's the secret? There's a secret? Is the secret more books? How many more books do I need?
Michael: It's not about books, mate. It's about perspective. Sometimes, when you're feeling helpless, the secret is to help someone else. Get out of your own head. Trust me. The next time someone asks for help, say yes.

Chidi: A few hours later, you walked in and asked for help. Now, I don't know if this is going to solve all of my problems, but it's worth a try, right?
Eleanor: Well, thank you, sexy librarian guy.
Chidi: I didn't say he was sexy.
Eleanor: Oh, I know, but whenever anyone tells me a story about their life, I always imagine all the people as being super hot. Otherwise, I quickly lose interest. Do you not do that? You can do it for free.

Chidi: What?
Eleanor: Uh, you and Simone had some real professor dork vibes flowing. You're both teachers who are hot for teacher.

Michael: This is not just about Chidi. I've left too much to chance. Until our group is back together again, this whole thing is hanging by a thread. I'm going back down.
Janet: You're pressing your luck. If you keep disobeying Mommy, something bad is going to happen.
Michael: What?
Janet: Oh, I don't have a mom, so I've been experimenting with thinking of The Judge as my mom. It's weird, forget it.
Michael: Okay.
Janet: How are you even going to get Jason and Tahani to Australia?
Michael: I have no idea, but I have to try.
Janet: Well, good luck, Dad. Nope, also weird. Just go.

Eleanor: Morning, teach. Ready to discuss philosophy. Obviously, I'm kidding. How was your date with Simone? Spill it, sweetheart.
Chidi: We had a great time. Thank you again for bullying me into asking her out.
Eleanor: Well, I owed it to you. And bonus, I realized I was practicing virtue ethics by helping the two of you bone down. [offers hand for high-five]
Chidi: Okay, not appropriate. Also, not a great understanding of virtue ethics.
Eleanor: Oh, we can agree to disagree.

Chidi: Oh, good, you're here. Eleanor, meet the newest member of our ethical neuro-scientific study, Tahani Al-Jamil.
Tahani: Hello, Eleanor. Delighted to meet you.
Eleanor: Al-Jamil. Oh, you're Kamilah's sister.
Tahani: I am, yes. If you want an autograph or something, I can probably arrange it.
Eleanor: Eh, I was never really that into her... no offense.
Tahani: Oh, [laughs] I assure you, there is none taken.