Eleanor: Sorry. I've been flying for like, 40 hours. This is Australia, right?
Chidi: Yes. I grew up in Senegal, so my native language is French. But I went to American schools, so I also speak English.
Eleanor: Oh.
Chidi: And German and Greek. And Latin, just in case it ever comes back.

Chidi: I'll start you off with some introductory philosophy books, and then we'll meet here once a week.
Eleanor: Great. Ideally, some of those books will have been made into a movie or maybe a funny GIF. But anything's good with me, man.

Shawn: No one leaves this room until we've accessed The Judge's system.
Val: Would music help? Should I play some music?
Shawn: Good idea. Choose something deeply terrible to inspire us. ["Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx plays] Oh, yeah. That's the stuff.

Eleanor: Hey, so, I've been trying to figure out how to pay you back for helping me.
Chidi: I told you, you don't owe me anything.
Eleanor: At home, when I want to get something nice for one of my friends, it usually comes in the form of something edible. You get what I'm saying? An "edible" thing?
Chidi: Please don't buy me drugs.
Eleanor: Okay, copy that.

Eleanor: I had no choice, I was in his driveway taking pictures when he walked out, so I said "Hey, Mr. Crowe, I'm from the gas company." "I loved you in Gladiator."

Janet: Ooh, hey, you know what you would love if you like Mark Harmon?
Judge: Yeah?
Janet: Stealing Home. He is very sexy in Stealing Home according to the private thoughts of more than 7 million Caucasian women.
Judge: Oh, hot tip. Thanks, girl.

Janet: Aw, cute.
Michael: This is a disaster.
Janet: Michael, relax.
Michael: How are the two of them going to bond?
Janet: There were plenty of reboots where Eleanor and Chidi weren't even soul mates, and he still always helped her. Simone and Chidi are good together. I've been running simulations on what their kids will be like. One of them is hot enough to be on The Bachelor and smart enough to never go on The Bachelor.

Michael: Hi, I'm Michael. You must be The Doorman. [he points to his name plate] Ah. This is wild. I had no idea this was even here. So I have this ruling from The Judge. Heading on down to Earth to reverse the deaths of these four people. It's kind of tricky, you know? It starts up a new timeline, so there might be some ripple effects. But it's necessary for the experiment that we're doing there. So, how long's this trip take? Hope I don't get a middle seat. [snaps, chuckles]
The Doorman: Wow, I haven't heard a joke in 8,000 years. And I still haven't. [stamps Michael's papers] That's the door to Earth. You go through there, you'll be wherever you need to be. You won't have any other powers, though. You want to get around, you're just going to have to take a bus or something.
Michael: A bus? Oh, boy, oh, man! I'm going to sit in a front-facing seat. Or... Or no, no, maybe a sideways-facing seat. I'm... I'm going to get so motion sick! Oh, man! What do I do, just grab that key here...
The Doorman: Whoa, whoa, whoa! This key is made of the very first atoms that came into existence in the universe. It is one of a kind and cannot be duplicated. See? "Do Not Duplicate." Only I touch this key.
Michael: Oh, and what's the significance of the keychain?
The Doorman: Nothing, I just like frogs. I'm a frog guy. When you need to get back here, make sure you're alone. Press this button. Any questions? No? Great. Knock yourself out.

Michael: Oh, Janet, it was everything I ever imagined. I got to ride a bike. I put a coin in a thing and got a gumball. And then someone came up to me and said, "Hot enough for ya?" And you know what I said? I said, "Tell me about it." [laughs]
Janet: Well, I am glad that you got to chew a gumball.
Michael: Oh, damn. I didn't even think to chew it. Missed opportunity, shoot.
Janet: Did you also save their lives?
Michael: Yes, of course. Everyone is safe. Including Jason. Now we just sit back and watch as they become better people. [chuckles]

Jason: K, will you make me the happiest man in the world, and agree to be my wife?
Police Officer: No. Do you think my name is the letter K?
Jason: Just say yes. If we're married, legally you can't arrest me. Plus, bonus... you get half the stuff I stole.
Police Officer: [over radio] Yep, he just confessed to the robbery.
Jason: Damn it.