Michael: It's because you have no control over your own impulses. You think every problem can be solved with a Molotov cocktail, or slashing somebody's tires or plunging Derek. So, being a monk was torture for you. The only way for you to repair your relationship with Janet is to give her some space. Show her that you can control your impulses.
Jason: So, you're saying wanting to do something isn't a good reason to immediately do it?
Michael: Yeah.
Jason: Man! I wish someone had taught me this on Earth.
Michael: People tried. Mostly judges.

Eleanor: Well, good news, Simone and Chidi are hitting it off. I mean, I wasn't getting any use out of him as a boyfriend, so why not pass him off to someone in need? Is this what donating old bras to Goodwill feels like?

Eleanor: And now, Brent Norwalk, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Brent: Thank you very much. Thank you. Sure. I'm pretty interesting. I grew up in Chicago. A suburb, obviously. I went to Princeton University. No handouts, by the way. I earned my spot there. Just like my father and his father before him. I then inherited the family business, and in just 18 years, I grew Norwalk Materials from a $90 million company... to a $94 million company. One second. Hey, Janet?
Janet: [appears] Hi, there.
Brent: Perrier.
[Janet summons a bottle of water for Brent and disappears]

Eleanor: Why don't you tell us about a time when things didn't come so easy to you?
Brent: Mmm. Look, I've had my share of disappointments. I smartly bought Netflix stock at $38 a share, but I couldn't cash it in before I died. So, all that money's going to my dumb kid. But you have to press on, right? In the words of Martin Luther King Jr., who I personally believe was a great man, he said that, "When life knocks you on your butt, you jump back up and start throwing haymakers."
Eleanor: I'm not sure he said that.
Brent: No, he did. You're wrong. For me, Eleanor, it's all about taking personal responsibility. Not enough people do that. If you ask me, that's what's wrong with this country.
Eleanor: What country?
Brent: This was fun, Eleanor, but I have a tee time. Daddy no golfy, daddy get cranky. So, Chad, Duck Lady, nice to meet ya. Thank you. Thank you all very much. You were great.

Eleanor: The truth is, Brent, you figured us out. There is a Best Place.
Brent: I knew it! I knew it.
Michael: The Best Place is reserved for a select, upper echelon of good people. Sort of like a Diamond Elite VIP club of afterlife residents.
Brent: I was Diamond Elite. I swear. One time, I did shots with this pilot in the lounge. The guy let me fly his helicopter.
Michael: We know. That's how you died.
Brent: Right.
Michael: So, you'll all be evaluated, and then a very small group of the most morally upstanding residents get to go.
Brent: Oh, I see. So, it's like a "good deeds" contest? That's easy. I'm gonna crush this. Oh, and hey, mum's the word, right? Why tip off my competition? [a woman drops a fork] Oops! Looks like you dropped your fork. Let me get that for you. [to Eleanor] Did you get that? The fork thing? Or should I start writing these down?

Eleanor: I still don't get why the Bad Place would try something so obvious?
Michael: They're desperate. They know they're gonna lose. Plus, we can get rid of the Linda picture, and put a Chidi picture on the other side since we know a ton about him. It's all good news, right, team leader?
Eleanor: Yeah, it's super cool that I'm actively surveilling and manipulating an ex-boyfriend. I mean, more so than I usually did. Okay, let's focus on Brent. Born on third base, thinks he invented the game of baseball. Guys like this believe that the world revolves around them, because it kinda does. If we could get him to listen to anyone else, he'd hear how much better they are than he was, which might make him realize that he doesn't belong here, and also, bonus... maybe he cries like a stupid little baby.

Michael: Walk me through this, Brent. I'm not sure we follow.
Brent: Well, I've been feeling this way for a while now. I mean, this can't be all the afterlife has to offer, not to the cream of the crop. I mean, if this is heaven, then where are my guys? Where's Scotty and Schultzy and Porcupine? Where's White Guillermo, and where is Mexican William and what about Squirtman?
Eleanor: Well, he makes a good point. What about Squirtman?
Brent: Also, frankly, my assistant Janet is a little uptight. I mean, she hasn't worn any of my gifts.
Michael: Have you been asking Janet to make herself clothes, that you give back to her?
Eleanor: Yeah, you're doing the math right there, bud.
Brent: Look, this chaos, which is clearly all about me, is a sign. If this is the Good Place, I belong in the Best Place. So, figure it out, get back to me. Okay? [walks off]
Eleanor: [to Michael] I'm gonna go punch a wall with my head. I'll meet up with you later.

Jason: Yeah, I mean, Eleanor is dope, but she keeps screwing everything up. That's my thing. And you wouldn't put me in charge.
Michael: Actually, that's a decent point.
Michael: But think about what you're saying here.
Tahani: We have. [Eleanor enters] We should at least discuss pursuing a change in leadership.
Eleanor: Yeah, definitely, let's pursue it.
Jason: Oh, hey, Eleanor. We were just talking about how maybe you shouldn't be team leader. Saved it.

Michael: Brent? This conversation must remain confidential.
Brent: Okay.
Eleanor: Obviously, you're a very smart guy.
Brent: Yes.
Eleanor: But we need to know that we can trust you with sensitive information.
Brent: You can. I routinely buried HR complaints. So, no problem.

Janet: [appears] Hi, Jason.
Jason: Janet. I'm so happy to see you. I got you a box of chocolates. But then I remembered you can't eat, so I ate them, and I thought it'd be a nice present for me to describe them to you. So, the first one was gross...
Janet: Jason, um, please just let me talk. You know that I've been overwhelmed with work since the neighborhood started.
Jason: Yup.
Janet: And I asked you to give me some space.
Jason: [steps back] Yup.
Janet: I'm so sorry to say this... but I can't be in a relationship with you right now. Being with you is fun, but it's not always easy, and I'm afraid it would endanger the experiment.
Jason: It won't though.
Janet: Jason, it already has. So, why don't we just take a break until it's all finished? Also, I hate to pile on, but I feel like you have a right to know. The Jacksonville Jaguars cut Blake Bortles. He's not on the team anymore. I am genuinely sorry.