Dave: Hey, now. I just checked my Apple Watch, and it's marg-o-clock. [laughs] So, Michael, what do you do?
Michael: Ah, well, uh, I'm an architect.
Dave: Get out of here. Me too.
Michael: Ah.
Donna: Dave's real good. You should see the new Hooters on I-15. It looks classy, like a bank.

Eleanor: So how did you two love-rats meet?
Dave: Oh, it's a fun story. I was working on this project tearing down a condemned bar called the Desert Rash. I went in to meet with the contractors, and Diana is sitting at the bar drinking a seven in Seven in seven.
Eleanor: 7 shots of Seagram's 7 in 7 minutes. It's Diana's morning drink.
Dave: Oh, that's right, it was very early in the morning. [Donna chuckles] Well, this little spitfire finds out it's me who's closing down the bar. Next thing I know, she's got a knife to my face. I would have been scared if she hadn't been the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen in my life.
Donna: Oh. One thing leads to another, and all of a sudden, we're playing tonsil tennis on a broken toilet in the alley out back.
Eleanor: Cute.

Michael: I know we came here to set your mom on a better path, but I think she's doing pretty great.
Eleanor: Please. She's completely full of it. I am gonna find out what kind of scam Donna Shellstrop is running, and I am gonna take her down... right after I finish this awesome drink. Man, Dave's margaritas are amazing.
Michael: Right?
Eleanor: Yeah.
Michael: And I'm not even a tequila guy.

Tahani: Look, I've had a sort of revelation about the world, and I'd like to take responsibility for my part in our fraught history. For whatever hurt I've caused you... I sincerely apologize.
Kamilah: Thank you. I do not accept your apology. Is that all, then?
Tahani: [scoffs] Well... [throws an egg at an exhibit]

Michael: What are you doing?
Eleanor: Searching for the tell-tale sign of a Donna Shellstrop scam... a pile of cash hidden somewhere so she can grab it and head out on the run. When the time comes, she will rip this guy off and disappear like Keyser Soze, right after he admitted to groping all those people.
Patricia: Why are you in my room?
Eleanor: Oh, hey, girl. What's up? How old are you? Three?
Patricia: I'm nine.
Eleanor: Cool. I don't know anything about kids. Hey, has Diana ever made you hide, like, a special treasure in any of your toys?
Patricia: No, Diana's very nice to me. She bought me most of these stuffed animals.
Eleanor: [gasps] Oh, wow. Neat. Mind if I give them just a little surgery just to check? [takes the stuffed toy and pulls out a knife]
Michael: Okay, okay, okay, all right, Doc McStuffins, let's get you some fresh air. So sorry.

Chidi: Uh, hi. I'm Tahani's friend, Chidi.
Kamilah: Chidi is an Igbo word that means "God exists."
Chidi: That's right. Sorry, I don't know the etymology of your name, but... What is it?
Kamilah: All of your fears are now mine.
[later:]
Tahani: What did she say?
Chidi: What? I don't know. Sorry. I got distracted. She's amazing. All of my fears are hers now.
Tahani: Of course they are.

Tahani: [grabs ax] I sincerely apologize to you because I have matured into a fully formed adult with empathy and self-awareness. But if you don't accept my apology, I will smash your stupid art exhibit into bits.
Kamilah: More Tahani theatrics with zero follow-through? You don't have it in you to do anything that bold, because I'm the one who got the boldness gene and the good-eyebrow gene.
Tahani: [gasps and shouts] [wields ax]
Chidi: Oh! Oh, no. All my fears are mine again.

Michael: Hey, Davey, can you believe the design of this room?
Dave: Auditorium? More like Audi-bore-me-um. [both laugh]
Michael: Savage.

Eleanor: Congratulations, Madam Secretary.
Donna: It's so crazy, right? I'm gonna need to get a calculator and maybe a globe. I don't really understand the job.
Eleanor: Listen, um, I'm sorry that I didn't think this whole thing was real. I just never thought I'd see the day when you made a commitment to... anything. I was wrong.
Donna: Thank you, baby. That means a lot.
Eleanor: Let me help you.
Donna: No, no, no, not that one! Not that one! No, sorry, sorry. This powder is only for my delicates.
Eleanor: You don't wash your bras. [grabs the box]
Donna: No. No.
Eleanor: [gasps] I knew it. My mother is a con artist. Gotcha.

Chidi: So, before I'm tortured in the afterlife, I get to spend the rest of this life in a Hungarian prison for destruction of art. That's fun.
Tahani: Destruction of extremely derivative art. Kamilah's work has been mediocre for years. Mother and Father are probably rolling over in their cryogenic chambers.
Chidi: Really? You don't think they would be proud of her for having a whole museum wing dedicated to her work?
Tahani: My parents' standards were incredibly high, and they were impossible to please. Plus, they always pitted my sister and me against each other. The two of them were a unit, and Kamilah and I...
[flashback:]
Waqas Al-Jamil: Girls, we have a new challenge for you.
Manisha Al-Jamil: Each of you has four hours to complete a rendering of your favorite moment in French military history.
Waqas Al-Jamil: The winning painting shall be hung in our foyer during our party honoring Francois Mitterrand.
Manisha Al-Jamil: The losing painting shall provide the kindling for the fire that rages in our hearth during that party. [laughs] Doesn't that sound wonderful?
Young Tahani: Yes, Mother, it does.
Young Kamilah: Thank you for this opportunity.
Waqas Al-Jamil: Who will be the winning artist, and who will fail? Let's find out.