Dorothy: Rose. Rose. You never graduated from high school?
Rose: Not officially. Three weeks before graduation, I was asked to be in the kissing booth at the founders' day fair. Unfortunately, the first boy I kissed had a nasty case of mono. Well that afternoon, I passed it along to 50 young men. And one very confused female P.E. teacher who smelled of Old Spice. I slept day and night for the next six months and when I finally woke up I had missed my graduation and the integration of major-league baseball.

Rose: Hi, Dorothy. What are you doing?
Dorothy: I'm grading the history test.
Rose: How did I do?
Dorothy: You'll find out in class tomorrow.
Rose: Can you give me a hint?
Dorothy: No.
Rose: Did I do better than Boris Yushenko?
Dorothy: Oh, Rose! Boris Yushenko doesn't speak a word of English and he was hit in the forehead with a mortar during World War II.
Rose: Did I do better than him?
Dorothy: No.

Rose: Wow! Dinner out with the girls! Oh, let's really get crazy. We'll eat Chinese and use forks. I know, I know! We'll pretend it's one of our birthdays and screw 'em out of a cake. Boy, if I wasn't going, I'd really be jealous of me. But I am going, so it's all irrelevant.
Dorothy: Rose, did I hit you too hard before?
Rose: No, not at all. I'm trying a new hairspray and it absorbs most of the impact.

Blanche: Fidel Santiago!
Fidel: My papers are in order! Oh Hello, Blanche.
Blanche: What in hell is goin' on here?
Fidel: Blanche-
Blanche: How could you be so deceitful? What is it? Is she younger, more attractive, more desirable?
Sophia: You got two out of three, Blanche.

Blanche: Sophia, what in hell is goin' on here?
Sophia: He's a man, I'm a woman, I've got what it takes and he knows how to use it.
Dorothy: I think I'm gonna lose my lunch.

Fidel: Blanche, listen-
Sophia: Fidel, don't sugar-coat it for her. Look, we happen to be an item. I'm wearing his MedicAlert bracelet.

Blanche: Girls, this nightgown is so sheer I believe you can see right through it. Oh, hello, Fidel.
Fidel: Hello, Blanche. How are you?
Blanche: You don't have cataracts, you tell me.
Sophia: Beat it, you 50-year-old mattress.

Dorothy: Blanche, this is all about your ego, isn't it?
Blanche: Ego? Dorothy, I have no ego. And you can ask the hundreds of men who would gladly cut off their right arm to sleep with me.
Rose: I agree with Dorothy. I don't think you'd even still be dating Fidel if another woman wasn't interested in him.
Blanche: Girls, look, I know it seems strange, but I happen to have strong feelings for Fidel. I can't explain it. Some things in life defy explanation.
Rose: Yeah, like Bruce Willis's hair.

Dorothy: Rose, I have a little surprise for you!
Rose: Cookies and milk! Oh, my God, what's wrong?
Dorothy: Nothing's wrong.
Rose: You only do nice things for me when something terrible has happened.
Dorothy: Rose, you failed the history test.
Rose: What does that mean?
Dorothy: It means you got more wrong than right.
Rose: I know that - I didn't fail math. I was talking about the bigger picture.
Dorothy: It means you won't get your diploma.
Rose: Yeah? Well, you have a big behind.
Dorothy: Oh, Rose, Rose Please, let's try to keep this on an adult level. And if you wanna talk behinds, they could show How the West Was Won on yours.

Rose: Oh, boy! Sophia! Sophia, I'm a high school graduate!
Sophia: Congratulations. Now you can get any job involving a cardboard hat.