Rose: Girls! Girls, guess what.
Sophia: Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Why do you always come into a room and say, "Girls, girls"? Do you see Molly Ringwald sitting here?
Rose: You're awfully cranky today.
Sophia: Well, forgive me. My arthritis is bothering me, my social security check was late, and I realized today I haven't showered with a man in 22 years.
Dorothy: Ma, Pop's been dead 27 years.
Sophia: What's your point?

Dorothy: I'm sorry, Rose, but I have to grade you like everybody else.
Rose: Well, look, Dorothy, you made a mistake. I got that question right.
Dorothy: Rose, the question was "Who was the leader of the Third Reich?" You wrote "Fritz Stickelmeyer," your high school history teacher. The correct answer is Adolf Hitler.
Rose: Where's my history book? Is this the man we're talking about?
Dorothy: Yes, that is Adolf Hitler.
Rose: You can call him whatever you want, but that's Fritz Stickelmeyer. I'm as sure of that as I am that's Eva Braun standing next to him.
Dorothy: You recognize Eva Braun?
Rose: Well, sure. She was our high school P.E. teacher. It was rumored she used to date Mr. Stickelmeyer.
Dorothy: Rose, that's it. I just can't take any more. With this question right, you have a D minus. Rose, you're a high school graduate.

Sophia: Hold it. Stay where you are. Father, if you don't mind my saying so, I think you lost control of the room. Excuse me. The man in that box was a bum. A scoundrel, a cheat and a liar.
Woman: You got that right.
Sophia: Quiet. I work alone. But there was another side to him, and it was beautiful. He awakened feelings in me I haven't felt in 35 years. We used to hug and kiss and hold hands, and it was nice. He made me feel attractive and desirable again. He probably made the rest of you feel that way too. And looking out at this kennel club, that was no small accomplishment. You may all hate Fidel right now, but I know the next time I'm sitting in the park on a warm sunny day, and I smell the aroma of a cheap cigar I'll think of Fidel Santiago and I'll smile.

Blanche: Sophia, can you ever forgive me for all those ugly things I said?
Sophia: Of course. It was said in the heat of battle.
Blanche: You know, if I had it all to do over again, I'd let you have Fidel.
Sophia: Oh, you're so generous! The man's packing material, now you're letting me have him? I have coat racks livelier than him! She's giving him to me. The man's face has more powder on it than Ann Miller's and she's giving him to me. A piece of lumber would make a better dancing partner! Thanks for niente!

Blanche: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a long, hot, steamy bath, with just enough water to barely cover my perky bosoms.
Sophia: You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?

Dorothy: I'm teaching history for an adult-education program. It's for people who never got high school diplomas.
Rose: What else do they teach?
Dorothy: The usual high school subjects.
Rose: You mean like the three Rs: reading, writing and rooster inseminating?
Dorothy: No, we just teach the first two Rs.
Rose: Fine. But you'll be sending people out into the world who don't know you can get a nasty rooster bite if you don't warm your hands up first.

Fidel: How did you know about Santiago cigars?
Sophia: My husband was a fan - not of the cigars, the boxes. We used to keep all our fine cutlery in one.
Fidel: Blanche was right. She said you were incorrigible.
Sophia: I guess I deserve it - I always say she's a cheap slut.

Rose: I'm a failure.
Dorothy: Rose, you are not. Now, come on, you are doing very well in every subject except history.
Rose: Well, I'm not surprised. It's all because of my high school history teacher, Mr. Stickelmeyer. He was a Nazi.
Dorothy: Oh, come on. Rose, a lot of students don't like their teachers-
Rose: No, I mean it. He was part of a nefarious plot by the Germans to teach misinformation so America's youth would be really stupid when the Germans invaded. St. Olaf was the first town chosen for their experiment.
Dorothy: I guess they figured they had a leg-up there.
Rose: His orders came right from the top.
Dorothy: You mean Hitler?
Rose: Who's Hitler?

Dorothy: Rose, what did you want?
Rose: I got two tickets to the hottest Norwegian musical in town.
Dorothy: Rose, you've really tempted me, but I have other plans.
Rose: You have a date?
Sophia: [splutters] Never say that while I'm eating.

Sophia: Your face looks awfully familiar. Was your picture ever on a cigar box?
Dorothy: Ma!
Fidel: No, no, she's right. That was my father.
Sophia: May we continue, Kommandant?
Fidel: My family once owned the largest tobacco plantation in all of Cuba. Do you know that at one time I was the most famous Fidel in the entire country? Until you-know-who showed up.
Rose: Who?
Dorothy: Rex the Wonder Horse, Rose.