Dorothy: Oh, Trudy.
Trudy: Dorothy. Oh. It's been so long. Boy, you look... It's been so long.
Dorothy: I know. And you, you look exactly the way you did at our high-school graduation. 'Course, rumors were that you were three months' pregnant.
Trudy: I want you to meet my husband Jack.
Dorothy: You didn't tell me you had such a handsome husband.
Trudy: Didn't tell you he was rich, either.
Dorothy: That's my Trudy. You haven't lost your sense of humor. Or those pesky ten pounds.

Trudy: Mrs. Petrillo, is that you?
Sophia: No, it's Jane Fonda. Come on. Give us a hug.

Dorothy: Honey, I want you to meet my roommates, Rose and Blanche.
Trudy: It's a pleasure.
Rose: Dorothy's told us so much about you.
Trudy: All good, I hope.
Rose: Well, actually-
Dorothy: Sit!

Trudy: I admired you after that loss, Dorothy. You just picked up the pieces and went on. Just like you did after Stanley ran off with that stewardess. Boy, I envy you your gumption.
Dorothy: And I your breast implants.
Blanche: This may not be my place, but you two hardly sound like old friends.
Trudy: Blanche is right. We should be more positive. Dorothy, you look wonderful.
Dorothy: Ah. The left one turned out nice.
Rose: Dorothy!
Dorothy: Oh, come on, Rose. I'm just kidding. They're both practically the same size.

Dorothy: Trudy, how about if tomorrow we play a real game? Something that requires real skill.
Rose: You mean like midget ice bowling?
Dorothy: I'm talking about tennis, you doofus.
Trudy: Aren't you afraid of being humiliated on the tennis court?
Dorothy: Me humiliated? I think you forget, Trudy, we have to wear tennis dresses.
Trudy: You're on, you pathetic middle-aged cow.
Dorothy: I am looking forward to it, you miserable sack of cellulite.

Woman: Excuse me. Has anyone seen Dorothy? She said hello and then disappeared. Is there a problem?
Rose: No! No problem at all. Everything's fine. It's not like anyone died or anything.

Woman: It's so good to see everyone. But where's Trudy? She hasn't seen me in years. I can't wait to see the look on her face.
Sophia: You could wait six months, it wouldn't change.

Blanche: It's been almost two hours. We can't keep up this charade. Somebody has got to get Dorothy to come out and break the news.
Rose: But she's so fragile now. We have to be tender and compassionate. Kindly and sympathetic. And caring and understanding...
Sophia: Stop babbling, you yutz. I'll do it, I'll do it.

Trudy: Hi, everybody! [gasps]
Blanche: Trudy? I don't believe this. I don't believe this. Is that you?
Trudy: In the flesh.
Blanche: Yeah, but I can't believe- I can't believe- I can't believe you're really here!
Rose: Why, I don't understand! How did you?
Trudy: It was all staged, Rose. A patented Trudy McMann practical joke. [concerned murmurs]
Blanche: Well, I don't find that one bit funny.
Rose: It was cruel, Trudy.
Trudy: Come on! It was just a practical joke like we did in high school.
Blanche: Some of the things we did in high school are not necessarily appropriate when we're adults. Like staying up all night and carousing around, dating every other man you meet. I'm losing credibility here, aren't I?

Blanche: Uh, Dorothy? Are you all right?
Dorothy: Go away.
Rose: Dorothy, honey, it's Rose. We need to talk.
Dorothy: I said go away.
Trudy: Leave it to me. In a few minutes, I'll have her beaming from ear to ear.
[Trudy and the girls walk into the bedroom and find Dorothy in bed with Trudy's husband, Jack]
Dorothy: Oh, my God! Trudy!
Trudy: Dorothy! Jack!
Dorothy: How come you're alive?
Trudy: How come you're in bed with my husband?
Dorothy: I asked you first.
Jack: Honey, it's not what it looks like.
Trudy: Obviously. Dorothy thought I was dead, tried to comfort you, and the two of you got carried away.
Dorothy: OK, it is what it looks like.
Trudy: I can't believe this. I was just playing a prank. Do you have any idea how I feel? I mean, what kind of person jumps into bed with her dearest friend's husband?
Blanche: Not necessarily a bad person. Sometimes circumstances... Oh. You were talking about her.
Trudy: I think I'm gonna faint.
Dorothy: Gotcha!