Dorothy: Girls, girls, guess what happened tonight.
Rose: Give us a hint.
Dorothy: The best thing that could happen to a woman.
Rose: The circus! The circus is in town!

Blanche: The ring.
Rose: Oh, Dorothy, it's beautiful! Oh, are those baguettes?
Dorothy: No. They're little pieces of potato. He hid the ring in the potato.
Blanche: Ah.

Sophia: So! Another tenants' meeting I wasn't told about. What's the topic this time? How to lose the old lady?

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, I thought you'd be happy for me. I mean, Stan has changed. He's made a commitment. He's matured.
Rose: Sophia, he put the ring in a potato.
Dorothy: You're not helping, Rose.

Sophia: What happened to the commitment he made the last time?
Dorothy: This one's different.
Sophia: No, it's not. He'll hurt you again. A promise means nothing to this man. You'll give the ring back. That's my final word. [exits, returns] No, excuse me, you'll pawn the ring. That's my final word.

Blanche: I just got off the phone. That stripper you called is on his way over.
Rose: Great, I'll start another game in the meantime. Everybody, pay attention. New game.
All: Ugh!
Rose: Oh, this is a St. Olaf favorite. Everybody puts on a blindfold and then they choose a partner. And then they think of a number and the other person thinks of an object. And then the bride tags someone and they call out their number and then they switch with her, and so on and so on and so on. And however many switches there are, that's the number of children the bride will have. [giggles] And the numbers have to add up. And you can collect the objects. OK, everybody, put on your blindfold. [Rose puts on her blindfold; nobody else does] Everybody wearing 'em?
All: Yes!
Rose: Okay, uh. Spatula, 11!

Blanche: Sophia, honey, you really ought to go out on the lanai. You're missing quite a shower.
Sophia: I'm not missing anything. Where I'm from the marriages are arranged by the parents.
Blanche: Is that what's bothering you, Sophia? Nobody asked your permission?
Sophia: It's the Italian tradition. What do you think Fiddler on the Roof was about?
Blanche: That's a Jewish musical.
Sophia: What do you mean Jewish? I remember there was Enzo Stuarti, Dom DeLuise- Boy, I've got to stop seeing these things at dinner theaters.

Sophia: So, as is tradition, I am ready to accept your various gifts and offerings. You may begin, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I appreciate your sense of ritual, Ma, but just so you know, I still have Shady Pines on the speed-dial.
Sophia: Moving on. What do you want, Stan?
Dorothy: Stan wants to talk to you about the wedding.
Sophia: Are you Stan? Am I talking to you?
Stan: I'm Stan, Sophia. Over here. Oh, sorry. I thought it was like one of those "am I sitting" questions.