Rose: How was your date?
Dorothy: Glorious. Glorious. Geoffrey is a dream. It was even worth the guilt I felt over sticking Blanche with Stan. Incidentally, is she still speaking to me?
Rose: She's not home yet.
Dorothy: Poor Blanche. When Stan is depressed, he is the second most boring man in the world.
Rose: Who's the first?
Dorothy: Stan when he's not depressed.

Blanche: Well, Dorothy Zbornak. This was the most bizarre evening I've ever spent with a man.
Rose: Including the time with the Jai-Alai team from Nicaragua?
Dorothy: She said one man. That was the most bizarre evening she ever spent with a team.

Rose: I thought Stan took you to dinner.
Blanche: He did.
Dorothy: Let me guess. You were on your way to a lovely candlelit dinner at Monty's when Stan spotted a charming little Pakistani restaurant.
Blanche: Indian.
Dorothy: Indian. Cocktails consisted of warm beer in two different shaped glasses. He did the ordering for you, would not let you see the menu, and when he paid the bill, he got change from a ten.
Blanche: A five.

Rose: Dorothy had a date with a commodore, Blanche had a date with Stan, I spent the evening making bacon, lettuce and potato sandwiches.

Dorothy: Oh. I thought you were Blanche.
Sophia: Once I thought I was Bess Truman but then they switched me to 20mg a day.
Rose: I had a cousin who thought he was Jiminy Cricket. Of course, that was at the height of the Pinocchio craze and everyone at the bank went along with it.

Rose: Where are you going?
Dorothy: Either to get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.

Blanche: Are those sandwiches? I am starving.
Rose: [quickly] They're bacon lettuce and potato.
Blanche: Potato?
Sophia: Work on it, Rose. Remember, you're not cute any more.

Rose: You and Geoffrey have been spending a lot of time together.
Dorothy: Oh, yes. Just when I'd given up hope of meeting someone, along came the most gallant, sophisticated, charming man I've met in ages.
Rose: And I bet he knows how to tie a lot of really neat knots.

Stan: Dorothy, please I'm afraid to be alone tonight. My world is crumbling around me. I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what I might do.
Dorothy: Oh, I do. You'll watch an old Barnaby Jones, eat a half-gallon of rum raisin, throw up and fall asleep in your kimono.
Stan: See, Dorothy, nobody knows me like you.

Stan: Dorothy, please. Say yes. I need a friendly shoulder to cry on.
Dorothy: Oh, alright. Give me a minute. [entering the kitchen] Girls, I need a shoulder to cry on.
Blanche: What did that creep do?
Dorothy: It's not for me, it's Stan. He lost the business. He has to take his mind off it.
Rose: What do you want us to do?
Dorothy: One of you, go out with him.
Blanche: What?
Dorothy: Oh, I feel terrible for what he's going through, but I'm not about to cancel my date.
Blanche: So you want me to cancel mine?
Sophia: You don't have a date.
Blanche: Nobody knows that.