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‘Take Him, He's Mine’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Take Him, He's Mine

203. Take Him, He's Mine

Aired October 11, 1986

After Dorothy begs Blanche to take care of an upset Stan for the evening, she doesn't understand why they are spending so much time together or why it bothers her so much. Meanwhile, Sophia and Rose start a sandwich business.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Don't you care that they're fighting?
Sophia: Of course I do. You think I have no feelings? Let me tell you a story. Picture this. A crowded Mediterranean port, teeming with your tired, your poor, your hungry. You know, your huddled masses yearning to be free. We boarded the ship and set sail for America. Five hundred people filled with hope, singing, laughing, drinking. Actually, only the Irish were drinking. But I digress. Of course, on the second day, things took a turn for the worse. For the next month and a half, the storm-tossed seas made our lives a living hell. If I wasn't fighting for a blanket, I was fighting for food. If I wasn't fighting for food, I was fighting for shuffleboard equipment. I just threw that in to see if you were paying attention. Anyway, the storm broke, and through the mist I saw the beautiful lady I'd been longing to see for months.
Rose: The Statue of Liberty.
Sophia: No, my mother. That's how dense the fog was. But beyond her was the Statue of Liberty. I remember the first words I shouted out,"There she is, Lady Liberty." I also remember the second words I shouted out, "Slow down, you yutz, you're going right past her." But he didn't hear. And that's why today, Rose, there's an unusually large Italian population in Spilsbury, Massachusetts.
Rose: That's a really moving story, Sophia, but what exactly is the point?
Sophia: The point is, you already forgot lessons one and three. Quit being an idiot. I stole 40 bucks while you were listening to that cockamamie story.

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Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: And I was feeling jealous and Ionely and... God knows what else.
Blanche: Magenta.
Dorothy: Excuse me?
Blanche: Magenta. That's what I call it when I get that way. All kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves. Well, you know, you're not quite blue because you're not really sad and although you're a little jealous, you wouldn't say you're green with envy and every now and then you realize you're kinda scared but you'd hardly call yourself yellow. I hate that feeling. I just hate it. And I hate the color magenta. That's why I named it that. Magenta. No way to really explain it but, fortunately, between friends, you don't have to.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, honey, I know that going out with Stan is big favor.
Blanche: The biggest. You're asking me to spend my evening with a man you yourself describe as having the personality of a dial tone. And why? So you can go have a splendid evening with a dashing naval officer. Well, absolutely not. Under no circumstances will I entertain the notion.
Dorothy: I'll let you borrow my cashmere sweater any time you want.
Blanche: No.
Dorothy: I'll give you outright - outright - my practically full bottle of Chanel No. 5.
Blanche: Perfume or cologne?
Dorothy: Cologne.
Blanche: Forget it.
Dorothy: I'll introduce you to all of Geoffrey's naval officer friends. Some of them have been at sea for over six months.
Blanche: [to Stan] Just make yourself comfortable, honey. I'll be with you in two minutes.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: I won't be seeing Geoffrey anymore. He's leaving town.
Rose: I knew it. The minute I heard you were dating a sailor, I said to myself there'll be nothing but heartaches.
Those swabbies drift into port, park their diddies on your doorstep, show you some tricks they learnt in the Orient and then it's, "Avast, me hearties," and they shove off with a serpent tattoo and your heart as souvenirs.
Dorothy: You've been reading Treasure Island again, Rose.
Rose: I know this from my ancestors. The Vikings were a seafaring people, you know.
Dorothy: They also wore horns on their head and metal brassieres.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Oh, come on, Blanche. When you come back from a walk along the beach you spend an hour shaking the sand out of your underalls.
Blanche: Just exactly do you mean?
Dorothy: I mean Blanche Devereaux does not stay out all night with a man just to go walking along the beach.
Blanche: Well, never before, that's true. But as Beauregard Jefferson kindly pointed out on my sixteenth birthday, there's a first time for everything.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Why do we have his IOU for two bucks?
Rose: Well, he didn't have anything smaller than a hundred and we didn't have change.
Sophia: What about these?
Rose: They all had hundreds, too.
Sophia: Rose, let me give you a few lessons in economics. Lesson number one: Quit being an idiot.
Rose: OK.
Sophia: Lesson number two: The law of supply and demand. Before you supply sandwiches, you demand the money.
Rose: OK.
Sophia: Lesson number three: Quit being an idiot.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: I don't understand. What could they be doing all this time?
Sophia: You know what they're doing.
Dorothy: Yeah, I also know Stan. We were married for 38 years. And if you added up all the times that we did what he is doing right now, Blanche still should have been home fifteen minutes ago.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Open the door, Stanley.
Stan: Dorothy, you're in your nightgown.
Dorothy: I came on an impulse. I couldn't help myself.
Stan: Well, it's really a nice gesture, babe, but I'm afraid I'll have to take a rain check.
Dorothy: Stanley, you truly are one chromosome away from being a potato.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: You look lovely, you really do.
Sophia: Lovely's not good enough. She's got a date with Geoffrey the commodore.
Rose: He's a commodore? In the navy?
Dorothy: No, Rose, the singing group. He's the one in the middle. He used to be on the end till Lionel Richie left.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, Dorothy. Dorothy. Listen, now that we're talking to each other, can I ask a question? Why in hell did you ever marry Stan?
Dorothy: It was my magenta period. And, you know, Stan was rather handsome when he had hair.
Blanche: Come on.
Dorothy: Yeah. He had a certain elegant charm.
Blanche: Oh, please.
Dorothy: And, of course, I was four months pregnant.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Okay. Here's what I figure your take would be for the first month. So what do you say? Are we partners or what?
Rose: Making extra money appeals to me but why the sandwich business?
Sophia: Because we don't have enough counter space to make kidney machines.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Okay, how do I look?
Sophia: The outfit's nice. Now go put some make-up on.
Dorothy: Ma, I'm wearing make-up.
Sophia: Make sure you eat by candlelight.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dorothy, in the future I would appreciate advance notice when you're expecting a gentleman. This time it's only Stan but next time it could be somebody appealing or charming or at least reasonably good-Iooking. No offence, Stan.

Quote from Sophia

Stan: Dorothy, could we talk for a minute?
Dorothy: Of course. But only for a minute. Come on.
Sophia: You bring your wife with you or did you make her stay home and clean her toy box?
Dorothy: Ma, don't you remember? I told you Stan and Chrissie got a divorce.
Sophia: I thought you said Stan and Chrissie got a horse. I'm 80. You gotta enunciate. Don't get me wrong. Horse, divorce, I could care less. I just hate being left with egg on my face.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Alright, Stan, what's wrong?
Stan: What makes you think something's wrong?
Dorothy: Oh, please, Stan. We were married for 38 years. You can disguise your bald head but you can't hide your emotions.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Now, what's wrong?
Stan: [sobbing] I lost it, Dorothy.
Dorothy: You never had it, Stanley.
Stan: The business. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Twenty-two years of sweat and blood and suddenly it's all flushed down the toilet like a snotty ball of Kleenex.
Dorothy: You could always write poetry for a living.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Hey, what are you two doing up? It's after midnight.
Rose: Sophia and I are going into business.
Dorothy: How did she talk you into this, Rose?
Rose: Oh, Sophia didn't talk me into it. As she said, if I had half a brain, I'd have thought of it myself.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Besides, it'll be fun, Dorothy. Just like when I was little and sold Belgian waffles alongside the road.
Dorothy: You had a Belgian waffle stand?
Rose: Well, actually they were English muffins that I carved little ridges in. But people bought 'em anyway. I was cute then so I could get away with it.
Sophia: Don't worry, you get cute again when you hit 80. How do you think I'm going to peddle this slop?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: How was your date?
Dorothy: Glorious. Glorious. Geoffrey is a dream. It was even worth the guilt I felt over sticking Blanche with Stan. Incidentally, is she still speaking to me?
Rose: She's not home yet.
Dorothy: Poor Blanche. When Stan is depressed, he is the second most boring man in the world.
Rose: Who's the first?
Dorothy: Stan when he's not depressed.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Well, Dorothy Zbornak. This was the most bizarre evening I've ever spent with a man.
Rose: Including the time with the Jai-Alai team from Nicaragua?
Dorothy: She said one man. That was the most bizarre evening she ever spent with a team.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: I thought Stan took you to dinner.
Blanche: He did.
Dorothy: Let me guess. You were on your way to a lovely candlelit dinner at Monty's when Stan spotted a charming little Pakistani restaurant.
Blanche: Indian.
Dorothy: Indian. Cocktails consisted of warm beer in two different shaped glasses. He did the ordering for you, would not let you see the menu, and when he paid the bill, he got change from a ten.
Blanche: A five.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Dorothy had a date with a commodore, Blanche had a date with Stan, I spent the evening making bacon, lettuce and potato sandwiches.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: We're almost through with our half of the list.
Sophia: Rose, tomorrow I want to double the number of sandwiches. Grab some of that aluminium foil.
Blanche: Are you two still gonna sell lunches after that Johnny No-Thumbs leaned on you again?
Rose: He didn't lean on us, Blanche. He said he had friends who would lean on us.
Sophia: Well, I got friends, too. One phone call to Palermo and Johnny's lunch wagon will be wearing concrete tires.
Dorothy: Ma, come on, the only person you know in Palermo is Uncle Vito and he's a harmless old man.
Sophia: Harmless? Give him some piano wire, make fun of his limp and see what happens.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Oh. I thought you were Blanche.
Sophia: Once I thought I was Bess Truman but then they switched me to 20mg a day.
Rose: I had a cousin who thought he was Jiminy Cricket. Of course, that was at the height of the Pinocchio craze and everyone at the bank went along with it.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Where are you going?
Dorothy: Either to get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.


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