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‘Stan Takes a Wife’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Stan Takes a Wife

410. Stan Takes a Wife

Aired January 7, 1989

After Sophia has a health scare, Stan spends the night at the hospital with Dorothy, who sees another side of her ex-husband. Unfortunately, Dorothy's change of heart comes after Stan announces he is getting married.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: You have been walking around sick for over a week. You'd feel a lot better if you would just obey the doctor's orders. Look, either you're gonna follow his orders or I'll call him and tell on you.
Sophia: Oh, what is he gonna do? Come over and spank me?
Blanche: If he does, tell him to come by my room.

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Quote from Rose

Rose: What about you? You must be exhausted being here by yourself all night.
Dorothy: I wasn't alone. Stan came by and stayed with me. Brought me food, held me. Showed me that special part of himself.
Rose: Right there in the waiting room?
Dorothy: Not that part, Rose!

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Then it's finally happened. I cannot believe it. I have lost it, haven't I?
Sophia: In more backseats than any woman I know.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, you're not feeling any better, are you?
Sophia: I'm fine, thank you.
Dorothy: You look terrible.
Sophia: Gee, I guess I won't be making it in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue this year like the rest of you.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Don't listen to her, Stanley. It's beautiful. I'm sure Katherine will love it.
Stan: You mean it?
Dorothy: Not a word.
Stan: Babe, it's a real diamond. What's wrong with it?
Blanche: I think the more appropriate question is "Where is it?"
Stan: OK, the diamond's not very big. OK, it's not a real diamond. It's the thought that counts. OK, I didn't put much thought into it. It was cheap. I'm cheap. What can I tell you?
Blanche: Stanley, honey, why don't you let me help you pick out something else for Katherine?
Rose: I'll help too.
Stan: Hey, there's nothing wrong with my taste. You've seen that ring that I picked out for Dorothy.
Dorothy: Actually, he was going for a bracelet, but the mechanical claw grabbed the ring.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, I thought you were supposed to be taking it easy.
Sophia: When I feel bad I have to take my mind off it. There's only one thing that does that for me.
Dorothy: Cooking a big meal.
Sophia: No. Making love in a closet. But, hey, you do what you can.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Oh, I hate waiting.
Blanche: I hate hospitals.
Rose: I hate when the people put each other down on Love Connection.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: Come on, Dorothy, I'll take you home.
Dorothy: No, I'm not leaving.
Rose: Then we'll all stay.
Dorothy: No, you go.
Blanche: Oh, no. We're not going anywhere.
Dorothy: I would rather be alone. Please.
Stan: Are you sure, babe?
Rose: Would it be stupid to ask for a group hug?
Dorothy: Oh, of course not, honey. Hands above the waist, Stanley.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: You really care about Ma, don't you, Stan?
Stan: Hey, if someone puts you down for 40 years, I guess you have a special bond. I can't imagine life without her telling me what a yutz I am, what a lousy husband I was, how my toupee looks like a monkey's behind. God, I love that woman.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Oh, Ma, you scared me to death.
Sophia: You scared me to death. You couldn't put on a little makeup? There could be a single doctor. I'd like to know you're being taken care of or at least getting a little on the side.
Dorothy: Ma, the doctor says you're gonna be just fine.
Sophia: Of course I am. I survived war, disease and two seasons of Designing Women.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Anyway, spending time with Stan made me see something that I hadn't realized.
Sophia: He dyes the hair in his ears? I noticed that months ago.
Dorothy: Besides that. I'm still in love with the man, and I can't let him marry someone else.
Sophia: Is it me or is the room suddenly getting darker?

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Hurry up, Blanche.
Blanche: Rose, stop pulling on my nightie. It's only got one more yank left in it before it falls completely apart and I'm saving that for Henry Barnsworth.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Now Dorothy, don't you be mad at Rose. She's only saying what she feels.
Dorothy: And what about you? Do you think I'm terrible because I want my husband back?
Blanche: Ex-husband, Dorothy. Ex-husband who left you and didn't have the courtesy to tell you he was leaving. Ex-husband who married somebody half your age just one week after the divorce. Ex-husband who's getting married again tomorrow. I don't know why you want that man. He's treated you like dirt. Even that I could overlook if he had a good body.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Look, Blanche, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but my mind is made up. I love Stanley, I want to be with him, and I am very sorry about Katherine.
Blanche: What on earth is suddenly so wonderful about Stanley?
Dorothy: Everything, just everything. He has grown, he has changed. You should have seen the way he took over when Ma was sick. He was so commanding, so masterful, and yet so sensitive and so vulnerable. I know I couldn't have gotten through it without him.
Blanche: Listen, Dorothy. You thought Sophia might be dying. You were the one who was sensitive and vulnerable.
Rose: Blanche is right. At the counseling center I see cases like this all the time. When people lose loved ones they do things they'd never normally do. Take Mrs. Polowski. When her mother died, she divorced her husband, lost 30 pounds, dyed her hair and ran off to Paris with an artist ten years her junior. I just got a postcard last week.
Blanche: Yeah, and now she's miserable and bony and sick of eating snails, right?
Rose: No. They bought a beautiful home in Cannes.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Well, way to go, Rose. You talked her into doing exactly the opposite of what we wanted her to do.
Rose: I guess that's why they took me off the suicide hotline at work.

Quote from Dorothy

Stan: Do I look like a man who is about to do it for the third time? Get married, I mean.
Dorothy: Very handsome. Have you lost weight?
Stan: No, I'm wearing a girdle. Is Sophia gonna make it to the wedding?
Dorothy: She's not quite up to it. But she sends her regards and Baggies for me to bring back hors d'oeuvres. You're wearing a girdle?

Quote from Dorothy

Katherine: All I know is I've waited all my life to find someone like Stan. That's my fiancee.
Dorothy: I know.
Katherine: You do?
Dorothy: I know how you feel.
Katherine: No, you don't. See, I've never been married before, except to my career. I guess that's why I feel so insecure about being a wife. I want to be a good wife.
Dorothy: You're really crazy about the guy.
Katherine: Head over heels in love. I feel like a teenager. He's smart, he's funny and the best lover I've ever had.
Dorothy: You haven't slept around much, have you?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Hi, we're back.
Rose: We helped Stan pick out a ring for Katherine. I feel terrible. I think we spent too much money.
Blanche: Stop worrying about the money. We're talking about love.
Rose: I still think we spent too much.
Sophia: You didn't spend it. The yutz spent it. That's what makes him a yutz.


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