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‘Scared Straight’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

The Golden Girls: Scared Straight

409. Scared Straight

Aired December 10, 1988

Blanche's brother, Clayton, lies about sleeping with Rose so he won't have to tell his sister he is gay.

Quote from Blanche

Waiter: So what can I bring you, sweetheart?
Blanche: Don't you dare talk to him like that. Now, you get out of here.
Clayton: Blanche, I think he was talking to you.
Blanche: Oh. Oh.

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Quote from Blanche

Clayton: Blanche, I spent a long time lying to myself. It felt a lot better when I stopped. It feels better being honest with you, too, and I'd hate to think that this is gonna keep us from being friends.
Blanche: Well, honey, of course it isn't. Oh, no. I'll get used to this. I will. Well, look at me already. I'm practically comfortable seeing you here in a gay bar.
Clayton: Blanche, this isn't a gay bar.
Blanche: Clay, now, we did say we were gonna be honest with each other. All right, now, I can do my part. You just watch this. You all, over at the bar. I just want to say that I would be very proud to have any one of you date my brother.
Man: I'd rather date you, lady.
Blanche: Sweet Jesus, I've just done the impossible. I've converted one.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: I was never any good at blind dating. I always felt so awkward.
Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, I have a surefire icebreaker I can teach you right now. Oh, once you learn this any man is putty in your hands.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, come on. That is ridiculous. I mean, I'm certainly not gonna waste my time listening to this adolescent nonsense. Did you say putty?
Blanche: Ha ha ha ha. Sit back. Now, just play like we're at the movies. OK. First I start to yawn a little. Then I put my hands up over my head like this...
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, I know that one. You end up with your arm around me.
Blanche: Yeah, but that's just the first part. Did you know that if you blow right on the tip of a man's earlobe, it can drive him absolutely crazy? I'll show you.
Sophia: I'm gonna be dead in 24 hours. Couldn't you stay in the closet for one more day?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: [sighs] [sighs] Hey! You're not even gonna ask what's wrong?
Dorothy: What's wrong, Ma?
Sophia: I got three days to live.
Dorothy: Fine, Ma. I'll scratch the Bengay off the grocery list.
Sophia: I can't believe you're so insensitive.
Dorothy: Ma, you are not dying.
Sophia: I am, Dorothy. I had a dream last night, a death dream. Your father spoke to me.
Dorothy: Spoke to you? How?
Sophia: Do I look like Rich Little? Just listen. I'm sitting in the living room, and the clock strikes 9:00. Then the bell rings. It's your father in his fedora. He always wore a fedora on Saturday. He walks towards me, reaches out his hand and says, "Sophia, you can come now. There's room for you now."
Dorothy: That's it?
Sophia: You want him to show up with Barbara Eden and the college all-American football team? It's a dream, not a Bob Hope special.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'm dying, Dorothy. Saturday, 9:00. Don't make any plans.
Dorothy: Ma, you're being ridiculous.
Sophia: I know. When was the last Saturday night you had plans?

Quote from Rose

Rose: What time does Clayton get here?
Blanche: Oh, any minute now.
Rose: Oh, we better put out the welcome mat.
Blanche: We don't have a welcome mat.
Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed?

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Clayton! Baby brother!
Clayton: Sister! Oh, my, look at you all gussied up. Prettier than a spring-bloomin' peach tree on a dewy April morning.
Blanche: Well, you oughtta talk, all fresh-scrubbed and rosy-cheeked like a country parson at a September hoedown.
Dorothy: Why do I get the feeling they had a maid named Honeybee when they grew up?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Isn't it nice to see a brother and sister who are such good friends?
Dorothy: Oh, iIt certainly is. Oh, I always wish that I could have been closer to my brother, Phil. You know, go places together, share experiences. Although I did love borrowing his clothes.
Rose: Did you like wearing boys' clothes growing up?
Dorothy: No, but fortunately neither did my brother Phil.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: What's all this about a surprise?
Blanche: Oh, well, I've done a little matchmaking.
Clayton: Blanche, not again.
Blanche: Yes, again. Now, you are 45 years old. You've been single almost two years. Well, both Dorothy and I know how much fun the single life is. Many's the night Dorothy has sat here alone in this room watching me go out on dates.
Dorothy: Sometimes I watch her go from the kitchen window. It's easier to bay at the moon.

Quote from Rose

Rose: OK, now, you just give me your honest reactions when people go by. That's how I'll tell.
Clayton: OK.
Rose: Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Go. No. Too thin. Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Too short? Next. [A man walks by] Oh, Clayton! Clayton, you're not playing fair. That's a man. That's a man and you're a man. You're both men. [laughs nervously] Clayton, you're that thing that everyone said Olga Larsen's nephew was 'cause he wore paisley clogs and gave out puff pastry on Halloween.
Clayton: I've been called a lot of things in my time, but that's a first for that one. Yeah, I'm gay, Rose.

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