Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Scared Straight’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Scared Straight

409. Scared Straight

Aired December 10, 1988

Blanche's brother, Clayton, lies about sleeping with Rose so he won't have to tell his sister he is gay.

Quote from Blanche

Waiter: So what can I bring you, sweetheart?
Blanche: Don't you dare talk to him like that. Now, you get out of here.
Clayton: Blanche, I think he was talking to you.
Blanche: Oh. Oh.

Rate

Quote from Blanche

Clayton: Blanche, I spent a long time lying to myself. It felt a lot better when I stopped. It feels better being honest with you, too, and I'd hate to think that this is gonna keep us from being friends.
Blanche: Well, honey, of course it isn't. Oh, no. I'll get used to this. I will. Well, look at me already. I'm practically comfortable seeing you here in a gay bar.
Clayton: Blanche, this isn't a gay bar.
Blanche: Clay, now, we did say we were gonna be honest with each other. All right, now, I can do my part. You just watch this. You all, over at the bar. I just want to say that I would be very proud to have any one of you date my brother.
Man: I'd rather date you, lady.
Blanche: Sweet Jesus, I've just done the impossible. I've converted one.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: [sighs] [sighs] Hey! You're not even gonna ask what's wrong?
Dorothy: What's wrong, Ma?
Sophia: I got three days to live.
Dorothy: Fine, Ma. I'll scratch the Bengay off the grocery list.
Sophia: I can't believe you're so insensitive.
Dorothy: Ma, you are not dying.
Sophia: I am, Dorothy. I had a dream last night, a death dream. Your father spoke to me.
Dorothy: Spoke to you? How?
Sophia: Do I look like Rich Little? Just listen. I'm sitting in the living room, and the clock strikes 9:00. Then the bell rings. It's your father in his fedora. He always wore a fedora on Saturday. He walks towards me, reaches out his hand and says, "Sophia, you can come now. There's room for you now."
Dorothy: That's it?
Sophia: You want him to show up with Barbara Eden and the college all-American football team? It's a dream, not a Bob Hope special.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'm dying, Dorothy. Saturday, 9:00. Don't make any plans.
Dorothy: Ma, you're being ridiculous.
Sophia: I know. When was the last Saturday night you had plans?

Quote from Rose

Rose: What time does Clayton get here?
Blanche: Oh, any minute now.
Rose: Oh, we better put out the welcome mat.
Blanche: We don't have a welcome mat.
Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed?

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Clayton! Baby brother!
Clayton: Sister! Oh, my, look at you all gussied up. Prettier than a spring-bloomin' peach tree on a dewy April morning.
Blanche: Well, you oughtta talk, all fresh-scrubbed and rosy-cheeked like a country parson at a September hoedown.
Dorothy: Why do I get the feeling they had a maid named Honeybee when they grew up?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Isn't it nice to see a brother and sister who are such good friends?
Dorothy: Oh, iIt certainly is. Oh, I always wish that I could have been closer to my brother, Phil. You know, go places together, share experiences. Although I did love borrowing his clothes.
Rose: Did you like wearing boys' clothes growing up?
Dorothy: No, but fortunately neither did my brother Phil.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: What's all this about a surprise?
Blanche: Oh, well, I've done a little matchmaking.
Clayton: Blanche, not again.
Blanche: Yes, again. Now, you are 45 years old. You've been single almost two years. Well, both Dorothy and I know how much fun the single life is. Many's the night Dorothy has sat here alone in this room watching me go out on dates.
Dorothy: Sometimes I watch her go from the kitchen window. It's easier to bay at the moon.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: I was never any good at blind dating. I always felt so awkward.
Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, I have a surefire icebreaker I can teach you right now. Oh, once you learn this any man is putty in your hands.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, come on. That is ridiculous. I mean, I'm certainly not gonna waste my time listening to this adolescent nonsense. Did you say putty?
Blanche: Ha ha ha ha. Sit back. Now, just play like we're at the movies. OK. First I start to yawn a little. Then I put my hands up over my head like this...
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, I know that one. You end up with your arm around me.
Blanche: Yeah, but that's just the first part. Did you know that if you blow right on the tip of a man's earlobe, it can drive him absolutely crazy? I'll show you.
Sophia: I'm gonna be dead in 24 hours. Couldn't you stay in the closet for one more day?

Quote from Rose

Rose: OK, now, you just give me your honest reactions when people go by. That's how I'll tell.
Clayton: OK.
Rose: Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Go. No. Too thin. Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Too short? Next. [A man walks by] Oh, Clayton! Clayton, you're not playing fair. That's a man. That's a man and you're a man. You're both men. [laughs nervously] Clayton, you're that thing that everyone said Olga Larsen's nephew was 'cause he wore paisley clogs and gave out puff pastry on Halloween.
Clayton: I've been called a lot of things in my time, but that's a first for that one. Yeah, I'm gay, Rose.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, all that stuff I said about preparing for a burial, forget it.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. You finally came to your senses.
Sophia: Yes. I decided to be cremated instead.
Dorothy: Oh, Ma.
Sophia: Oh It's a great idea. My ashes can be divided among you, your brother, Phil, and your sister, Gloria. Nah, forget Gloria. I don't want to spread myself too thin.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Well, why did Clayton say the two of you slept together if you hadn't?
Rose: Because he's trying to hide something about himself from Blanche. I don't even feel right saying it out loud. Maybe if I just whispered it. [As Rose leans into her ear, Dorothy pushes Sophia away]
Dorothy: Clayton is a hobo?
Rose: No, Dorothy. [again]
Dorothy: Oh! Oh! Now, now I get it.
Rose: Oh, good. I thought I was gonna have to draw you a picture. And I'm not sure I'd know how.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: So, Clayton, what do you think of this Miami weather so far?
Clayton: Oh, it's lovely.
Sophia: I see. Have you ever been to Europe?
Clayton: No, but it's always been a dream of mine.
Sophia: Interesting. How many fingers am I holding up?
Clayton: Two.
Sophia: Fine. You can go back in the living room now. The man's as gay as a picnic basket.
Dorothy: Ma, that- That is- That is incredible. How did you know?
Sophia: I heard him singing in the shower. He's the only man I ever knew who knows all the words to "Send In The Clowns."

Quote from Rose

Clayton: Rose, I owe you an apology.
Rose: You sure do.
Clayton: I shouldn't have got you mixed up in all this. It's just so hard to tell Blanche the truth.
Rose: Clayton, you're selling your sister short. Now, at times, Blanche can be very understanding and compassionate and forgiving.
Blanche: Get away from my baby brother, you cradle-snatching, empty-headed, two-faced dummy.
Rose: And then at other times she can be a real bitch.

Quote from Blanche

Clayton: Blanche, there's something you should know.
Blanche: Butt out, Clayton. This doesn't concern you.
Rose: Well, it most certainly does concern him.
Blanche: Why? Because he was seduced by a bubble-head whose hair looks like it was colorized by Ted Turner?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.
Clayton: I'm the same person I always was.
Blanche: No, you're not. You used to be just like me.
Clayton: What? Great-looking?
Blanche: Yes.
Clayton: Charming?
Blanche: Yes.
Clayton: Irresistible to men?
Blanche: My God, Clayton, you are me.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Let's go to Jose's. We always go there to celebrate.
Dorothy: The food is great.
Blanche: Yeah, and they make all the waiters wear these really skintight bullfighters' pants.
Clayton: Really?
Blanche: Let's go to Amelio's.

Quote from Rose

Blanche: Who's that at the door?
Rose: It's me, Blanche.
Blanche: The other side.


 Episode 408 Episode 410 
  Select another episode