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Scared Straight

‘Scared Straight’

Season 4, Episode 9 -  Aired December 10, 1988

Blanche's brother, Clayton, lies about sleeping with Rose so he won't have to tell his sister he is gay.

Quote from Blanche

Waiter: So what can I bring you, sweetheart?
Blanche: Don't you dare talk to him like that. Now, you get out of here.
Clayton: Blanche, I think he was talking to you.
Blanche: Oh. Oh.

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Quote from Blanche

Clayton: Blanche, I spent a long time lying to myself. It felt a lot better when I stopped. It feels better being honest with you, too, and I'd hate to think that this is gonna keep us from being friends.
Blanche: Well, honey, of course it isn't. Oh, no. I'll get used to this. I will. Well, look at me already. I'm practically comfortable seeing you here in a gay bar.
Clayton: Blanche, this isn't a gay bar.
Blanche: Clay, now, we did say we were gonna be honest with each other. All right, now, I can do my part. You just watch this. You all, over at the bar. I just want to say that I would be very proud to have any one of you date my brother.
Man: I'd rather date you, lady.
Blanche: Sweet Jesus, I've just done the impossible. I've converted one.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: I was never any good at blind dating. I always felt so awkward.
Blanche: Oh, Dorothy, I have a surefire icebreaker I can teach you right now. Oh, once you learn this any man is putty in your hands.
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, come on. That is ridiculous. I mean, I'm certainly not gonna waste my time listening to this adolescent nonsense. Did you say putty?
Blanche: Ha ha ha ha. Sit back. Now, just play like we're at the movies. OK. First I start to yawn a little. Then I put my hands up over my head like this...
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, I know that one. You end up with your arm around me.
Blanche: Yeah, but that's just the first part. Did you know that if you blow right on the tip of a man's earlobe, it can drive him absolutely crazy? I'll show you.
Sophia: I'm gonna be dead in 24 hours. Couldn't you stay in the closet for one more day?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: [sighs] [sighs] Hey! You're not even gonna ask what's wrong?
Dorothy: What's wrong, Ma?
Sophia: I got three days to live.
Dorothy: Fine, Ma. I'll scratch the Bengay off the grocery list.
Sophia: I can't believe you're so insensitive.
Dorothy: Ma, you are not dying.
Sophia: I am, Dorothy. I had a dream last night, a death dream. Your father spoke to me.
Dorothy: Spoke to you? How?
Sophia: Do I look like Rich Little? Just listen. I'm sitting in the living room, and the clock strikes 9:00. Then the bell rings. It's your father in his fedora. He always wore a fedora on Saturday. He walks towards me, reaches out his hand and says, "Sophia, you can come now. There's room for you now."
Dorothy: That's it?
Sophia: You want him to show up with Barbara Eden and the college all-American football team? It's a dream, not a Bob Hope special.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I'm dying, Dorothy. Saturday, 9:00. Don't make any plans.
Dorothy: Ma, you're being ridiculous.
Sophia: I know. When was the last Saturday night you had plans?

Quote from Rose

Rose: What time does Clayton get here?
Blanche: Oh, any minute now.
Rose: Oh, we better put out the welcome mat.
Blanche: We don't have a welcome mat.
Rose: What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed?

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Clayton! Baby brother!
Clayton: Sister! Oh, my, look at you all gussied up. Prettier than a spring-bloomin' peach tree on a dewy April morning.
Blanche: Well, you oughtta talk, all fresh-scrubbed and rosy-cheeked like a country parson at a September hoedown.
Dorothy: Why do I get the feeling they had a maid named Honeybee when they grew up?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Isn't it nice to see a brother and sister who are such good friends?
Dorothy: Oh, iIt certainly is. Oh, I always wish that I could have been closer to my brother, Phil. You know, go places together, share experiences. Although I did love borrowing his clothes.
Rose: Did you like wearing boys' clothes growing up?
Dorothy: No, but fortunately neither did my brother Phil.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: What's all this about a surprise?
Blanche: Oh, well, I've done a little matchmaking.
Clayton: Blanche, not again.
Blanche: Yes, again. Now, you are 45 years old. You've been single almost two years. Well, both Dorothy and I know how much fun the single life is. Many's the night Dorothy has sat here alone in this room watching me go out on dates.
Dorothy: Sometimes I watch her go from the kitchen window. It's easier to bay at the moon.

Quote from Rose

Rose: OK, now, you just give me your honest reactions when people go by. That's how I'll tell.
Clayton: OK.
Rose: Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Go. No. Too thin. Here comes one. [A woman walks by] Too short? Next. [A man walks by] Oh, Clayton! Clayton, you're not playing fair. That's a man. That's a man and you're a man. You're both men. [laughs nervously] Clayton, you're that thing that everyone said Olga Larsen's nephew was 'cause he wore paisley clogs and gave out puff pastry on Halloween.
Clayton: I've been called a lot of things in my time, but that's a first for that one. Yeah, I'm gay, Rose.

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