Blanche: Now, listen. We love you two a lot, but you've been here for three weeks, and this arrangement is not working out.
Rose: I guess we forgot how hard it is to live with a man in the house.
Max: Why? What did I do?
Blanche: Well, you snore. You don't pick up after yourself. And you hardly ever remember to lift the toilet seat.
Dorothy: Please! He hardly ever remembers to lift up the toilet lid.

Max: So what did you think of the apartment?
Sophia: Too many old people. All those hearing aids interfere with the cable TV.

Sophia: You want a Life Saver?
Max: What kind you got?
Sophia: Peppermint.
Max: I don't like peppermint. You got butterscotch?
Sophia: Does it say 7-Eleven across my forehead? I got peppermint.
Max: I'll try one. I like butterscotch better. What is this? Coconut?
Sophia: Peppermint!
Max: Don't yell, I heard you the first time.

Sophia: My Sal used to like the beach.
Max: Tell me about it. That's why he wanted to open a pizza-knish stand on the boardwalk in Coney Island.
Sophia: Now, there was a million-dollar idea.
Max: A million dollars was a bargain for that idea.
Sophia: That business was Sal's dream. Too bad it didn't work out.
Max: Yeah, bad timing.

Sophia: We're opening the old business again. Our million-dollar idea deserves a second chance.
Dorothy: Ma, come on. You're both over 80. Starting a business is hard work.
Sophia: Yeah, for amateurs. But we've already done this before. By the way, we'll be staying with you until the business gets off the ground.
Blanche: Well, what happens if the business fails?
Sophia: We'll have to talk about a night-light for the bathroom.

Sophia: Max. Put the paintbrush down a minute. Taste this pizza. I want an absolutely honest opinion.
Max: I'm dying.
Sophia: Yeah?
Max: It's gorgeous.
Sophia: Yeah?
Max: Perfection! Like velvet in my mouth. A masterpiece! A Picasso with mozzarella. A Rembrandt with tomato sauce.
Sophia: I thought it needed more salt.
Max: And garlic. It's a little flat.

Rose: Why, the place is really coming along.
Rose: Boy, I'll say it is.
Dorothy: I have to give you two credit. It looks like it's really gonna happen.
Max: Why shouldn't it happen? I know the pizza business like the back of my hand. I never noticed that before. What do you think it would cost to remove something like that?

Rose: You'd think you'd miss that feeling you get with that first puff, that feeling of relaxation when you hold it in, and then the sheer exhilaration as you exhale slowly.
Dorothy: No, not really. I've found other ways to ease my tensions. Honey, would you hand me that large saucepan?
Rose: Oh, sure.
Dorothy: No, the one behind it, the really big one. [Dorothy puts the pan over Rose's head and beats it with a ladle]

Blanche: You know, you really have to give Max and Sophia credit. This business was their dream, and they're going after it. I wish I'd done that with my dream.
Dorothy: Fine. Honey, would you check on the pizzas?
Blanche: Well, why don't you want to hear my dream?
Dorothy: Because it is always the same thing with you, Blanche. Sex, sex, sex. I am tired of hearing it.
Rose: Maybe that's because you're not getting any, Dorothy.
Dorothy: Do you want the pot again, Rose?

Sophia: I don't understand it.
Max: How could the stand burn to the ground?
Blanche: I don't know.
Rose: We were so careful.
Dorothy: I have a confession to make. The reason I sent you two ahead and said I'd lock up is because I wanted a cigarette. And I guess I didn't put it out.
Blanche: Oh.
Rose: Well, I wouldn't worry. How much harm can it do? The place already burnt down.
Blanche: Rose, you dummy, she means her cigarette started the fire.