Rose: Personally, I've always been afraid of dating a wealthy man.
Dorothy: Why, Rose? Fear of gold bullion?
Rose: No. It's just that sometimes, rich people think more about money than they do about people.

Blanche: Well, Richard's nothing like that and I don't think he ever could be. He is simply the sweetest, kindest, most handsome man I've ever met. Only I do have a small problem with his money.
Dorothy: Oh, why? You don't think you'll live long enough to spend it all?
Blanche: No. I mean, I just don't want him to think that's the only reason I'm attracted to him. That's why, whenever we're out together, I always pretend to be totally unimpressed by his wealth.
Rose: Isn't that kind of difficult?
Blanche: Oh, no, not at all. I don't give a hoot how much he has. Fact is, I think I'm falling in love.
Dorothy: Oh, come on now, Blanche. Are you telling me that you'd feel the same way about him if he didn't have a dime to his name?
Blanche: Absolutely. I'd just have to see other men behind his back. [laughs] Oh, come on.

Richard: How about some champagne? This isn't meant to impress you. This is just to get you tipsy.
Blanche: Oh, Richard, you rascal!
Richard: You know, I've made a lot of money and I've seen a lot of the world. But there's still one thing in my life that's missing.
Blanche: What?
Richard: Someone to share it with.
Blanche: I was hoping you'd say that.
Richard: Did that champagne kick in yet?
Blanche: No, but if you're ready to make your move, I can pretend it did.

Rose: I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited. I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the face of plumbing as we know it.
Dorothy: Oh, great, Rose! Call the Ti-D-Bowl Man. He'll jump in his boat and spread the news.

Dorothy: Why can't you marry him?
Blanche: Well, you remember I told you Richard wanted to introduce me to his family? I thought it would be his little old gray-haired mama and his spinster aunt. Turns out, he has two kids.
Rose: Well, Blanche, we've all got kids.
Blanche: But these are seven and nine. They're practically babies! Babies need a momma. Goodness, I've already raised my family. I don't have the energy to go through that again.
Dorothy: Well, then Blanche, how could you accept his proposal?
Blanche: Because it was the moment I've been dreaming about and everything was just so perfect and before I knew it, I said, "Yes." Only now, I have to tell him no. But how can I say no to the man I love? I can't even say no to the men I like!

Rose: Grasp the valve tightly with your hand.
Dorothy: OK.
Rose: Turn it clockwise until scum gathers on your elbow joint. Oh, I'm sorry, I skipped page 62.

Dorothy: Listen, Rose. Rose, this is not working. We've been here a whole week and nothing has gone right. I'm ready to throw in the wrench and start using the Texaco station down the street.

Sophia: You're making a big mistake. The man may be a moron, but he knows how to fix a toilet!
Lou: It's fine with me. The longer I let you do it yourself, the more I'm gonna get paid when you finally call.
Dorothy: Yeah, well, I have news for you, Lou. We are not calling. Ever!
Lou: You ladies haven't seen the last of me. And you want to know why? Because, as we say in the plumbing game, it's nev- [Dorothy slams the door]

Blanche: When you first proposed to me, the thing that scared me the most was the idea of being a mother again. Especially to such small children. I wasn't sure I could do it. In fact, I wasn't sure I even wanted to do it. But then I got to know the kids and I realized they aren't the issue. The real problem is I'm third in your life. Richard, you know your work comes first, then the children, then me. And that kind of marriage just can't work.
At least, it can't for me.
Richard: Blanche, I can be there for all of you. I can do it. I've been able to do just about anything I set my mind to. I know I can do this too.
Blanche: Richard, nobody can do it all. Now, as well as I get along with those kids, they need you. They're growing up without you, Richard, and it's hurting them. Right now, the most important thing should be the children. Not getting married. And not Gresham on the coast. And not trying to squeeze in a week for a honeymoon. Oh, this is the hardest thing I've ever tried to say to anybody.
Richard: You can't marry me.
Blanche: Not now, not yet. Listen, why don't you call up the kids and tell them they're spending tonight with their daddy? And then, after awhile, if you still want to be a husband, why, you just let me know. Bye. [goes to leave, realizes she's on a private jet in mid-air]

Blanche: Besides, there'll be other Richards. 'Course, they won't be as charming or as handsome or as rich.
I'd better stop, I'm starting to depress myself again.