Rose: Boy, life sure has a way of throwing you curve balls. When I was younger, I never would have imagined that I'd be worrying about money at this stage of my life.
Dorothy: I used to think Stan would take care of me. I mean, we didn't have much saved, but he was a darn good novelty salesman. Sounds naive now to think that I placed my hopes for the future on a bald pinhead with the morals of a maggot who made his living selling plastic dog-doo. Well, at least I'm not bitter.

Rose: Blanche, did you really start shaving at 11? That seems so young.
Blanche: Oh, I did it on a dare. You know, back where I come from, everybody thought that once you started shaving your legs, why, you'd become loose. So I shaved 'em.
Rose: What happened?
Blanche: Oh, it was an old wives' tale. I didn't become loose for another year and a half.

Sophia: You know, there's an old Italian saying for times like this: "Scappa, tu sei mal fortuna."
Rose: What does that mean?
Sophia: Get away from me, you're bad luck.

Sophia: Dorothy, your father's on the phone.
Dorothy: Ma, Pop's been dead for 15 years.
Sophia: Oh, you're right. I'm getting old. I meant, what's for dinner?

Sophia: Oh, I finally got my membership card from the Shoppers Warehouse store.
Blanche: Gloria at the museum shops there, but don't you have to buy everything in large quantities?
Sophia: So what? They give you great bargains. Wow, look at this. If you buy ten boxes of adult diapers, they're only eight dollars a box.
Dorothy: Ma, you don't wear diapers.
Sophia: A lot of my friends do. I'll load up now and keep them for stocking stuffers.

Rose: Well, I don't make enough at the counseling center to live without that pension, so I figured I'd better get a new job.
Blanche: I'm helping her look. We're going through the classifieds and cutting out ads that might be of some interest to her.
Dorothy: "Single white male seeks traveling companion. Tour of European cathedrals. No prudes."
Blanche: That's my pile.

Sophia: You're not cutting up the obituaries, are you? I wanna make sure my canasta game is still on for tomorrow.
Rose: I'm looking for a job. They cut off Charlie's pension.
Sophia: He's dead. How much does he need?

Rose: You know what gets me mad about this whole thing? All those years Charlie put into that job just for the pension. He used to say, "Rose, I hate selling horseshoes, but if I do it long enough, you'll be set for life."
Blanche: Your husband sold horseshoes? I thought he sold insurance.
Rose: Oh, he sold insurance for a while, but Charlie wasn't very good at it. As soon as people said no, he'd give up. Well, insurance salesmen have to keep going till they get a yes. They have to keep talking and talking and talking, even if people aren't listening.
Dorothy: He should have taken you with him.
Rose: Anyway, after he was fired, he worked for an iron company. He sold other things, but horseshoes were his specialty. He had a sense of humor about it. We couldn't pass a horse without Charlie saying: "Can I show you something in an Oxford?" Ah, then he'd laugh and I'd laugh. Sometimes, even the horse would laugh.
Sophia: With them or at them?

Dorothy: Now, Ma, what is going on?
Sophia: I don't know. It makes me feel good. In a strange way, shopping there makes you feel immortal.
Dorothy: I don't follow.
Sophia: Let's say you buy 20 cases of sardines.
Dorothy: This better be just an example.
Sophia: Of course. You get 20 cases of sardines, you figure: "God doesn't want me to waste good sardines. He's gonna wait till I finish the 20 cases." That could take five, six years.
Dorothy: Yeah, well, why couldn't you just eat one case slowly?
Sophia: Silly, isn't it?
Blanche: What in the hell are all those sardines doing in the kitchen?
Dorothy: Oh, Ma!
Sophia: Wait till you're my age. We'll see what kind of straws you clutch at.

Rose: Well, I just feel overwhelmed. How could this have happened? Charlie and I were so careful with our money. We saved. We never splurged. OK, one year, we went to Chicago to tour the stockyards. But it was our 20th anniversary. We had a romantic trip coming.
Dorothy: You must have been the envy of every woman in St. Olaf.
Rose: Oh, it was more than the stockyards. We even got to see where Crisco is made. The point is, we thought I'd have enough money for the rest of my life, as long as I had his pension. Now the reality is I probably have enough for only a couple of months.