Rose Quote #815
Rose: I haven't been this scared since 1952, when St. Olaf's most active volcano threatened to erupt. Luckily, there were some Druid priests who were in town for the opening of Stonehengeland. They said they could stop it if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin. I don't know why I raised my hand. It must have just been the excitement of the moment. But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs, up the volcano, while they gave me my birthday whacks. Well - and you're not gonna believe this - it turns out they weren't Druid priests at all. Just a bunch of Shriners looking for a good time.
Features in the collection: Tales of St. Olaf.
The Golden Girls Quotes
‘Tales of St. Olaf’
Quote from Rose in Dorothy's New Friend
Rose: I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean, she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We called her Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper.
Blanche: Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.
Rose: No. That was her name. Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper. She had it changed legally 'cause everybody called her that anyway.
Blanche: Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy?
Rose: Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. But that's beside the point. One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
Quote from Rose in Older and Wiser
Rose: Well, it wasn't unnatural in St. Olaf. We not only took care of our old people, we revered them, honored them, put them on a pedestal. 'Course, that's how we got to be the broken hip capital of the Midwest.
‘72 Hours’ Quotes
Quote from Blanche
Blanche: Hey! Wait a minute. Are you saying this should be me and not you?
Rose: No. No, I'm just saying that I am a good person. Hell, I'm a goody two shoes.
Blanche: AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose. It is not God punishing people for their sins.
Rose: You're right, Blanche.
Quote from Dorothy
Dorothy: What an idiot! Of all the lamebrained, moronic dopes. I mean, if ever I wanted to reach right through the phone and strangle somebody.
Sophia: Not really a morning person, are you, pussycat?
Dorothy: It's this caterer that I hired for my Save the Wetlands banquet. He's a week late with the menu, now he tells me that he's going to serve wild duck and crayfish. They come from the wetlands. It's like holding a Save the Whales function on a Japanese trawler.
Quote from Sophia
Dorothy: Ma! Where have you been?
Sophia: I always think it's nice when you're in a hospital to walk around and cheer people up.
Dorothy: Ah. That's nice, Ma.
Sophia: So after I had my prescription filled, I went to up to Geriatrics and sang "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."
Dorothy: Ma.
Sophia: What a tough crowd. They threw Jell-O at me. If you could call that throwing.