[dream sequence:]
Alex Trebek: So why don't we go on to Final Jeopardy? And today, our Final Jeopardy category is this, U.S. History.
Dorothy: My major in college!
Alex Trebek: All right, players. Make your wagers. Today's Final Jeopardy answer is, "American hero buried in Grant's Tomb." [Jeopardy theme plays] All right, contestants, time's up. Charlie, we're going to begin with you. Let's take a look at what you put down. What is that?
Charlie Dietz: I didn't know the answer, so I drew a little man. Is it this guy?
Alex Trebek: No, I'm afraid it's not. Let's go to Rose. Her response to "American hero buried in Grant's tomb" was? "Who is Cary Grant?" Well, this should come as no surprise to anyone, but our champion is right again.
Dorothy: Right?
Alex Trebek: How much did you wa- Well, you didn't wager anything. Played it very close to the vest, Rose. Very slick indeed. Dorothy?
Dorothy: Wait a min- Wait a minute! Cary is not the Grant buried in Grant's Tomb. Ulysses S. is.
Alex Trebek: Ulysses S. was a Grant, and he may have wound up in a tomb, but he is not the correct response. Sorry.
Dorothy: But I bet everything.

Dorothy: He said America wouldn't root for me.
Sophia: Sweetheart, he's wrong. How could America not root for you? You're what this country's all about. The daughter of immigrants who became the first member of her family to go to college. You made something of yourself.
Dorothy: Oh, thanks, Ma.
Sophia: Until you got knocked up in a backseat by a nobody. People didn't want you at their birthday parties, and they don't want you in their living rooms.
Dorothy: I thought this was supposed to make me feel better.
Sophia: We did that. Now we're up to the part where I feel better.

Rose: Isn't this dog amazing? He can find anything.
Sophia: Anything? A viable Democrat for President. Go!

Dorothy: Everybody, listen to this. Alex Trebek and the Jeopardy people are auditioning contestants in Miami! They're coming here! Jeopardy! Oh, it's my favorite show! Wowee!
Sophia: Yes, pussycat, Jeopardy is your favorite show.
Dorothy: I watch it every night.
Blanche: We know. We missed the entire Gulf War.
Dorothy: I like to play along. Sometimes I win.
Sophia: Yes. Yes, you do, pussycat. You win a lot. You've got a wonderful life.

Coordinator: Continuing with English History, fifth wife of Henry VIII.
Dorothy: Who was Catherine Howard?
Coordinator: Correct.
Dorothy: I knew that. I knew- The first one, I admit, was a bit of a fluke, but that one I knew.
Coordinator: Okay, switching categories to the Book of Genesis.
Dorothy: Hey, Doc, I bet you wish you hadn't wasted all that time on Darwin now, eh?
Coordinator: "Along with Torah, another name for the first five books of the Old Testament."
Professor Bradley: What is Pentecost?
Coordinator: I'm sorry.
Dorothy: What is Pentateuch?
Coordinator: Correct.
Dorothy: Pentecost, please. Somebody stop the bleeding.

Blanche: Rose, honey, come over here and sit down a minute. Now, Dorothy and I have both been noticing how down you've been lately, and we're very concerned. Oh, it's my work at the hospital.
Rose: I know, I'm the one who volunteered, but it's not easy having to spend that much time with people who are old and sick and frail.
Sophia: Oh, that reminds me. I got Mah Jongg tomorrow.

Mr. Hubbard: Grace loves animals. Always has.
Rose: Oh, everybody does, Mr. Hubbard. That's why ancient man, when he discovered the need for pets, turned to the animal kingdom.
Mr. Hubbard: I see.

Coordinator: Okay, everybody, please take a seat. There's not much to explain. The questions we've selected will test your general knowledge. It's not an easy exam. History tells us that only 10% of you will score high enough to be asked back.
Blanche: Wow, 10%. Only one out of five.

Dorothy: [answering phone] Hello. Yes, this is she. Oh, my God, it's them. It's Jeopardy. I did? Oh, this is wonderful.
Wonderful. What? Yes, yes, she's my- She's my roommate. Oh, that is fabulous news, too. Oh, sure, sure, I'll be happy to tell her. Blanche, you flunked.

Blanche: Dorothy, don't tell me you have been at those books all night. Well, that- That's just downright unhealthy.
Dorothy: Please. I am exhausted, but I have to keep going. If I get through the trial run, I'm on the show. Besides, in college, we used to pull all-nighters all the time.
Blanche: Oh, that sounds so hard. Thank God I was pretty.