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Older and Wiser

‘Older and Wiser’

Season 6, Episode 18 -  Aired February 16, 1991

Dorothy arranges for Sophia to be looked after at a care home by pretending she's the new activities director. Meanwhile, Blanche and Rose appear in a photo shoot for a grocery store.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Mr. Porter, I came as soon as I could.
Mr. Porter: I'm glad you're here. We've got a problem. It's your mother.
Dorothy: What about her?
Mr. Porter: I don't know where she is, where any of them are. She took some of our guests out for a walk six hours ago.
Dorothy: Have you called the police?
Mr. Porter: Oh, sure. I'll tell them to be on the lookout for a bunch of old people in Miami. There's a lead.


Quote from Sophia

Mr. Porter: Sophia, this is the final warning. I don't want anything like this happening again.
Sophia: Mr. Porter, you hired me to do a job, and I'm gonna do it my way.
Mr. Porter: OK, that's it. Charade's over.
Sophia: What's he talkin' about?
Mr. Porter: Sophia, you're not the activities director. You're here because your daughter wanted us to keep an eye on you and I'm afraid we cannot do that anymore. Ms. Zbornak, please don't bring her back.
Sophia: Keep an eye on me? Is that true?
Dorothy: Look, Ma, I'm not gonna lie to you. This man is a patient here. He could be dangerous. Let's get out of here before he starts causing trouble.
Sophia: Dorothy.
Dorothy: OK, OK. I thought you needed looking after during the day when I wasn't around, and I knew you wouldn't agree to come here as a guest-
Sophia: So you're saying that this whole activities director thing was a put-up job?
Dorothy: Mostly his idea. Oh, Ma, I did it for your own good
Sophia: Nobody bothered to consult me about what was for my own good. So goodbye, Mr. Porter. Goodbye, Dorothy. Thank you both for making me look like an old fool.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing?
Sophia: I'm recuperating.
Dorothy: You're watching cartoons.
Sophia: That's what you wanted me to do at Cypress Grove. Besides, I like cartoons. Cartoons don't lie.
Dorothy: Ma, stop it. Is there something I can get you from the kitchen?
Sophia: Tea would be fine. Tea doesn't lie.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Oh, Rose, come here, sit down. I just got off the phone with the PennySaver. Now, I think I have an idea, OK? They have six delivery trucks. By sheer coincidence, I know two of the drivers. I'm not worried about them. They won't show my picture if I don't show theirs. Now, as I see it, of the four remaining drivers, only Agnes is a real problem. Now, Rose, here's a part of the plan you may not like.

Quote from Sophia

Lucille: Oh, great, great party, Sophia, but where's the junk food?
Sophia: I've got a great idea for free pizza. Let's call up that 30-minute pizza place, tell them we're a bunch of college kids, and when the guy gets here, one of us grandmas will open the door and say, "What took you so long?"

Quote from Sophia

Sarah: Oh, it's great to have you back, Sophia.
Sophia: It's good to be back. I was getting tired of sitting home and feeling sorry for myself. They may not have wanted an activities director here, but they've got one. So what do you say? Let's get active. [plays "In the Mood" by Glenn Miller on the radio]
Sophia: Hey, Mr. Lewis, would you like to dance? Oh, I can see you've had lessons. Hey, everybody, it's 10:00. Do you care where your children are?
All: No!

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: I can't find her. She's gone. I ducked my head in her bedroom. She's not th- That's it! She never does what I tell her to do. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where she is.
Rose: I know. I know. Wait a minute. It's true on both hands.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: You put your right foot in... Come on, get 'em in. Get 'em in. You take your right foot out... Let's go. Let's go. You put your right foot in and... Hurry up, or we'll never get to the part where you shake it all about on purpose.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, come home.
Sophia: I'll come home when I'm good and ready.
Dorothy: Look, Ma, you have been sick, and I know what's best for you. Now, I'm taking you home, and nothing is going to stop me.
Mr. Porter: Damn it. I should've known it was you.
Dorothy: Please, Mr. Porter. I can handle her.
Mr. Porter: You haven't been able to so far.
Sophia: Maybe I can handle her. Who are you having a problem with?
Dorothy: You.
Sophia: Oh, perfect. I know my every move.

Quote from Sophia

Mr. Porter: Look, these people are up way too late. This party's over. Everybody back to bed.
Mr. Lewis: I danced tonight. First time in 25 years.
Sophia: Mr. Lewis, you can speak. How come you haven't spoken before?
Mr. Lewis: No one was listening. Not until you got here.
Mr. Porter: I've been here. Could've spoken to me.
Mr. Lewis: I don't like you.

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