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‘Mister Terrific’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: Mister Terrific

324. Mister Terrific

Aired April 30, 1988

Rose starts dating a local TV children's presenter, Mister Terrific, while Dorothy takes a job on his show.

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Dorothy, can I ask you a question? What do you think I oughta do with my bed?
Dorothy: Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. It has more miles on it than the Spirit of St. Louis.

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Quote from Dorothy

Rose: I'm nuts about that guy.
Dorothy: You'd have to be.
Rose: But, you know, it's so strange. You have no idea what it's like dating a superhero.
Dorothy: Sure I can. Why, my Stan and Superman had a lot in common. They were both faster than a speeding bullet.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Oh, I am exhausted. I have spent this entire day bed-shopping.
Sophia: Have you no shame?
Blanche: Bed-hopping nowadays is sexually irresponsible.
Dorothy: Not bed-hopping, Ma. Bed-shopping.
Sophia: Yeah, right. Nice cover.
Blanche: It's true. I need a new bed. My old one is falling apart. [Dorothy puts a cookie in Sophia's mouth] The prices are outrageous. The bed I wanted cost more than the original down payment on my first house.
Sophia: In Sicily, beds were dirt-cheap. Of course it was because you slept on dirt. Just an observation. If my name were Mark Twain, you'd be writing this stuff down.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: That's his costume. Don't tell me you've never heard of Mister Terrific. Mister Terrific's Clubhouse? Every weekday afternoon, one full hour on Saturdays?
Sophia: You don't mean that clown with the kiddie show?
Rose: No, he's not a clown. He's a superhero. You're thinking of Bozo.
Sophia: I'm talking to Bozo.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: How do I look?
Sophia: Not bad. You got another date with Captain Marvelous?
Rose: Mister Terrific. I can see you didn't read many comic books when you were a child.
Sophia: Hey, we had comic books in Sicily. My favorite was Benito the Hood. He lived in the forest with his band of merry thugs. Benito was very popular.
Rose: You mean because he stole from the rich and gave to the poor?
Sophia: I said Benito the Hood, not Benito the Idiot. He stole from everyone and kept it for himself. Didn't even share it with his band of merry thugs. He was the idol of many a Sicilian youngster.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: That's what they did all right. Delivered the wrong bed.
Rose: You don't like this one?
Blanche: Oh, I think it's the most stunning thing I've ever seen. I absolutely love it, but I can't afford it. Why, that bed back there must cost... exactly what I paid for the one I ordered. They made a mistake. They charged me for the inexpensive bed.
Sophia: Merry Christmas from Neiman-Marcus.
Rose: Sophia, she can't keep that bed. That'd be like stealing.
Blanche: It's only stealing if they find out. The bed's in my bedroom. Who's gonna know?
Sophia: Everyone who knows the bunt sign on the New York Yankees.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks. Every time I climb into bed, I feel guilty.
Sophia: Take down the video equipment.
Blanche: I'm talking about the brass bed. I shouldn't have kept it. Rose was right. It's like stealing.
Sophia: Then call the store and return it.
Blanche: Oh, I've had it over three weeks. They won't take it back.
Sophia: How much wear can you give a bed in just three weeks? ... I see your point.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I hope you recommended he do some exercise. A man shouldn't be allowed to wear tights unless he's got a butt like Baryshnikov.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Hi, Ma.
Sophia: How'd the interview go?
Dorothy: Terrific. I have my choice of summer jobs. Three interviews this week, three offers.
Sophia: That's because you're showing more leg like I told you.
Dorothy: I don't think the woman at the agency was interested in my legs.
Sophia: Grow up. Don't you watch TV? Eighty percent of the women in prime time are switch-hitters.
Dorothy: Ma, TV soap operas aren't real life.
Sophia: I'm not talking characters. I'm talking actresses. Pick up an Enquirer sometime. You'll learn something.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Girls, you won't believe what happened to me this afternoon. I met Mister Terrific!
Blanche: Rose, don't be so quick to judge. I once thought I had met Mr. Terrific. Turned out there was also a Mrs.
Terrific. I found myself ducking a Mr. Vase.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Rose, he's wearing a cape.
Blanche: And a mask. He's wearing a cape and a mask. Wait a minute. Is this guy an insurance salesman named Marshall Herskovitz?

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: You spent 30 seconds getting an autograph. You don't know the guy.
Rose: Dorothy, he's a television celebrity. Besides, I talked to him for over an hour. There weren't too many people in line. A Mr. Whipple look-alike was next door demonstrating the new three-ply toilet tissue.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Can you imagine making a date with a guy in a mask and a cape you met at a shopping mall? Pretty strange.
Blanche: Boy, I'll say. She didn't even know what kind of car he drives.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Oh, Sophia, did they deliver my new bed?
Sophia: Yeah, and they were here all day setting it up.
Blanche: All day? For that simple little bed?
Sophia: Simple? I haven't seen so much brass since the brass-knuckle RV show at the Palermo Hilton.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Blanche, do you think-
Blanche: Not now.
Rose: What's her hurry?
Sophia: Didn't you see that enormous thing in her bedroom.
Rose: I thought she'd stopped seeing Roger.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Don't count on that job, Dorothy. Many women have had their hopes dashed by smooth-talking TV sharpies. Dave Garroway told me if I treated him right, I'd be his sidekick on the Today Show. I said no and he ended up with a monkey. Draw your own conclusions.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Dorothy, how's the show going?
Dorothy: Terrible. But better than Thirty something.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: I am serious. What do you think I should do?
Dorothy: Oh, Blanche, now you know the difference between right and wrong.
Sophia: Please. In bed, she only knows the difference between right and left.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Don't worry, Dorothy. I was trained in psychology back in St. Olaf.
Dorothy: That doesn't count, Rose. In St. Olaf, they think that Freud is a way to cook chicken.

Quote from Dorothy

Mr. Hastings: Dorothy, I read your memo. I like the way you think.
Dorothy: Well, thank you, Mr. Hastings. Thank you.
Mr. Hastings: You've got modern ideas for a woman your age.
Dorothy: You're just saying that.
Mr. Hastings: No. No. I mean it. I really think you're old.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: If Dorothy says she'll get your job back, that's exactly what she's gonna do.
Mr. Terrific: I guess it's worth a shot. Here's where you can reach me. Call me if you can work things out. I'll be there until show time.
Dorothy: Fine. One more thing.
Mr. Terrific: What's that?
Dorothy: Can you leave by the back door?

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: How's he doing?
Dorothy: I'll be honest. Right now, Squeaky Fromme has a better grasp on reality.

Quote from Rose

Mr. Terrific: Kolak the puppet? I made him from a sock. Ten minutes before airtime. It was an argyle. Back in those days, Kolak used to be from Scotland. Everything about that show came from inside my head.
Rose: And off your foot.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Rose, don't argue with him. Mister Terrific, I think that Lex Luthor and The Joker are harassing an old lady in the stairwell. Could you come in and melt them with your X-ray vision?
Rose: Mister Terrific doesn't have X-ray vision.
Dorothy: Please, Rose! This is no time to point out his shortcomings!

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: I cannot sleep anymore. I lie there waiting for the authorities to catch up with me. Every siren I hear I know is for me. Every footstep outside my window belongs to that obsessive detective who will not rest until he tracks me down!
Dorothy: Blanche, you are being ridiculous. [doorbell rings]
Blanche: [opens door to Mr. Policeman] Oh, thank God! I can't live with myself anymore. Take me.
Dorothy: Blanche!
Blanche: Dorothy, please. I know what's best. Just slap the handcuffs on me. The bed's this way.
Mr. Policeman: You know what's funny? I was supposed to be Mr. Mailman today.


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