Dorothy: I'll tell you what. I'll drop the film off when I pick up our tickets to the Philharmonic today.
Sophia: Philharmonic?
Dorothy: Yep. Beethoven's Sonata No. 29, one week from tonight, just you and me under the stars. Ma, aren't you excited?
Sophia: I'm lactating.

Dorothy: Ma, you always loved it when we did things together. Why the sudden change?
Sophia: Don't look at me. Rose is the one going through the change.
Dorothy: Well, that would explain the puffiness.

Dorothy: Well, I picked up this pamphlet on the four warning signs of hearing loss. I think Ma may be having a problem.
Blanche: Sophia?
Dorothy: Warning sign number one, avoidance of social activities. Number two, people who can't hear act forgetful. Ma forgot about these tickets.
Blanche: Oh, that was just an excuse. Sophia's not really getting forgetful.
Sophia: [holding an empty tray] Hot coffee! Coming through! Number three, they act cranky.
Sophia: Ah, the hell with you. Get your own coffee.
Dorothy: Number four, they usually laugh out of context.
Sophia: [laughing]
Rose: What are you laughing at?
Sophia: I'm sorry. I thought you said, "My dog has no nose. Well, how does he smell? Awful." "Awful." Nothing, huh? Well, I laughed when I thought you said it.

Dorothy: Ma, I'm sorry to interrupt this flag-waving, psychotic tribute to our country, [loudly] but I think you need a hearing aid.
Sophia: Oh, please, I have the hearing of a springer spaniel.
Dorothy: Look, Ma, I am concerned. You're my mother. Can't you just check it out, please?
Sophia: [laughing]
Dorothy: What are you laughing at?
Sophia: I'm sorry. I thought you said, "I'm Mothra, giant radioactive insect."
Dorothy: I didn't, Ma.
Sophia: Too bad. It was a good impression.

Rose: Dorothy, I picked up Charlie's pictures. Oh, these must be from his last trip to Florida. He went there every spring to discuss sales. Ah, look, here he is at Gator World. And here he is, touring the Miami suburbs. And here he is in Blanche's bed. And here he is...
Dorothy: Wait, wait. Blanche? Blanche Devereaux?
Rose: Yeah, right here in her bed. Oh, no! No, don't tell me he met Blanche and slept with her.
Dorothy: Oh, now, wait. I'm sure he didn't sleep with Blanche.
Blanche: Well, how about this picture?
Dorothy: Well, I mean, just because a man is in Blanche's bed doesn't mean... So a guy makes one mistake. I mean, there has to be an explanation.

Dorothy: Hi, Ma. [blares horn] Aha!
Sophia: What, "Aha"?
Dorothy: You didn't hear that.
Sophia: Actually, I was just trying to be polite, but since you brought it up, excuse you.

Blanche: Oh, so what's the news? How'd the hearing test come out?
Sophia: [enunciating loudly] Tell her what the doctor said. Tell her what the doctor-
Dorothy: Ma's fine, okay?
Sophia: And?
Dorothy: I need a hearing aid, all right? I took the test just to show her there was nothing to it, and it turns out I have a slight hearing loss.
Sophia: And get this. It's inherited, and it skips a generation. Skips a generation! Yahoo!

Blanche: But, Dorothy, if the doctor said-
Dorothy: Look, I really don't want to hear this, okay?
Sophia: Good news, you can't.

Blanche: Oh, come on. Take it easy, Rose.
Rose: How can I? What do you think this makes me feel like?
Dorothy: What?
Sophia: [through bullhorn] She said, "What do you think this makes me feel like?"
Dorothy: Ma!
Sophia: It's out of the park. Game over. I'm going to Disneyland.

Dorothy: Rose, it's the middle of September. What are you doing?
Rose: Oh, it's a banner Charlie made. I thought it'd be nice to have some good memories of him around me. He put it up every year. Oh, he was one of a kind, all right. Loved Christmas.
Dorothy: Loved Christmas. That is unique.