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‘From Here to the Pharmacy’ Quotes

The Golden Girls: From Here to the Pharmacy

711. From Here to the Pharmacy

Aired December 7, 1991

Blanche is swept off her feet by a solider who just returned from the Gulf War. Meanwhile, Rose helps Sophia prepare a will.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Sophia, wills are no joking matter. Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prized cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency. There I was presenting my side to a jury of her peers. It took over six months to get the farm back.
Sophia: What a terrible story. I mean it. It's a terrible story. But you must have been relieved when you won.
Rose: Oh, yeah. We celebrated with a big, thick steak.

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Quote from Rose

Sophia: Butt out. I'm having an important moment with my heir. Dorothy, Rose is helping me make out an ironclad will.
Dorothy: Wait, you're using Rose as a lawyer?
Rose: I know what I'm doing. Every Thursday, I watch La Law.
Dorothy: That's L.A. Law.
Rose: I wondered why Susan Dey didn't have a French accent.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: If I'd had the money, I could have been living in a swinging condo, instead of with... I better not say anything till I've had my coffee. [drinks] A slut and a moron. I'm sorry, it must be decaf.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Blanche, instead of sending the letter, why don't you talk to him? I mean, get to know him. Find out where this goes. You know, ever since we've known you, you have never once worked on having a meaningful relationship.
Blanche: I have had many meaningful relationships. Many, many, many meaningful relationships.
Dorothy: Sharing a worm from a tequila bottle is not meaningful.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: I, Sophia Petrillo, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my daughter, Dorothy Zbornak, nothing.
Rose: Sophia!
Sophia: It's a joke. I'm kidding. Like when I said "sound mind and body."

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: What is it, Ma?
Sophia: As you know, my child, I'm getting on in years and I've decided it's time for me to settle my estate.
Dorothy: What estate? Your loofah sponge and bus pass?
Sophia: Don't forget the four gold teeth when your father worked at the funeral parlor. "Perks," he called them. That's the stock you come from.
Dorothy: I come from grave robbers?
Sophia: Grave robber, entrepreneur. Potato, potahto. We had a family to feed.

Quote from Rose

Rose: I hated that cow. I still don't think she should have been awarded the car. Not that she got to use it.

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Girls, what am I gonna do? I got a call from a soldier who just returned from the Persian Gulf.
Sophia: Don't fall for it, Blanche. Sal didn't come home from World War II till 1951.
Rose: Where was he stationed?
Sophia: In the attic.
Dorothy: Ma, you told me he was in the arctic.
Sophia: The attic, the arctic. Tomato, tomahto. He had a family to feed.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Dorothy? Dorothy? Now remember, be nice to him. He hasn't had sex in over a year. [laughing] Look who I'm talkin' to.

Quote from Rose

Dorothy: Rose, it's late. What are you doing up?
Rose: I'm just cleaning up some things on your mother's will.
Dorothy: Oh, you mean the legal language?
Rose: No. I spilled some sauce.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, what are you doing up?
Sophia: Disappointed, huh? If I'm up that means I'm alive, and if I'm alive, it means you can't get your hands on my money.
Dorothy: What are you talking about?
Sophia: You know about the will. You know if I die you'll be on easy street. What did you do, Dorothy, slip cyanide into my mouthwash? Ha, ha! The joke's on you, I don't use it.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: I do know what she's talking about, but I can't tell you. I couldn't violate the attorney-client privilege. Especially when we're talking about a sum as large as $35,000.
Dorothy: "$35,000"?
Rose: And four gold teeth. Oops.
Sophia: Nice going, counselor. Exactly how close to the television are you sitting when you're watching La Law?

Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Oh, what a wonderful night. Now that Bill's getting out of the service, we can build a life together. Maybe with a VA loan we can get a nice little house in the country with a dog, a cat, a station wagon.
Dorothy: Blanche, you're talking like it's 1945. These aren't the best years of your life. These are the last years of your life.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: I was up all night thinking of how Ma's been hoarding all those checks from Phil and Gloria, while I've had to go without.
Blanche: Well, now, Dorothy, you really can't blame Sophia for your sex life.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Why don't you hug your money, Ma? From now on, I'm not paying for anything. You are on your own.
Sophia: You can't do this to me. You never touch the principal. That money's for my old age.
Dorothy: "Old age"? You don't leave fingerprints anymore.
Sophia: I'm in my twilight years.
Dorothy: You're in the Twilight Zone. Hopi Indians are walking around saying, "How does she do it?" Ma, you're cut off.

Quote from Blanche

Sophia: Yeah, dump him like you do all the rest.
Blanche: Well, ordinarily, I would, but how- How can I do that? He's- He's been dreaming of me for over a year. And I care about him. I mean, I care about him when he's a soldier. Oh, I said things to him last night, I've never said to anybody. Clean things.

Quote from Sophia

Bill: I used to put the Haley's M-O on the bottom, nothing. Then I put it eye level. The public went nuts. It was walking out of the store. People will bend for aspirins. They won't bend for laxatives.
Blanche: Isn't that fascinating, Bill.
Sophia: So, Bill, what's on sale?
Bill: Breast pumps.
Sophia: What else?
Bill: Afro Sheen.
Sophia: Moving on.
Bill: Preparation H.
Sophia: Hot damn.

Quote from Sophia

Dorothy: Ma, there's no catch. I just realized I like taking care of you. I just wish you could have told me about the money, so we could be honest with each other.
Sophia: It's not that I want the money. If I don't leave my children anything, I'm a nobody. How many times have I heard, "He provided well," or, "She didn't leave a dime"? I want you to be able to have everything you want when I'm gone. And when you do, you'll think, "I have this because of Ma."
Dorothy: Oh, Ma. Life isn't just valued by the money you leave. It's- It's the memories. The love. And you filled my life with that.
Sophia: You're right, pussycat. And I should want to see you enjoy some of that money while I'm still around. Here's a molar. Buy yourself something pretty.
Dorothy: That is so sweet. [darkly] Ma, I tell you what. Let me make you a cup of tea.


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