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‘The Pope's Ring’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Golden Girls: The Pope's Ring

712. The Pope's Ring

Aired December 14, 1991

When Sophia attends a papal mass to ask for her friend to be blessed, she nabs the Pontiff's ring. Meanwhile, for Rose's birthday present, Blanche hires a private detective to follow Miles.

Quote from Blanche

Rose: Well, I can't use this.
Dorothy: She's right. This violates the privacy of her relationship, and I think you should take it back.
Blanche: You're just trying to make that old stupid sweatshirt of yours look better. Besides I can't take it back.
I paid in advance.
Rose: Can't you get a refund?
Blanche: Well, no. I paid with nature's credit card.
Dorothy: You never leave home without it.

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Quote from Dorothy

Blanche: Dorothy, if you're really so worried about this, well, I'll just let Rose open yours first so you won't be embarrassed.
Dorothy: You know, your ego is so fragile you have to turn everything into a popularity contest. Well, I have news for you. Today your worst nightmare happens. Today I make you look bad.
Blanche: You hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, don't you?
Dorothy: There's a man leaving in 10 minutes. Be under him.

Quote from Rose

Miles: Rose, sweetheart, you don't understand. I'm- I'm here for cosmetic surgery.
Rose: Cosmetic surgery? Why?
Miles: Because I look old, Rose. Do you have any idea what it's like working on a college campus?
Rose: Well, I've never worked on one, but I was the subject of a lab experiment once.
Miles: Wait a minute, you never told me that.
Rose: They doubled my IQ. For three days, I was another Einstein. Then they pulled out the IV.
Miles: What was in that IV?
Rose: Smart juice, I guess.

Quote from Dorothy

Sophia: Dorothy, I can't breathe!
Dorothy: Not now, Ma. Okay, but this better be good.
Sophia: I don't know. How good would you consider the Pope's ring?
Dorothy: Okay, Ma, squirt me in the eye and get it over with.

Quote from Sophia

Rose: Of course it's serious. If it was minor, he would have told me about it. That's why he's been living for the day. He's afraid there won't be a tomorrow.
Sophia: This may not be a good time, but has anyone seen a large, jewel-encrusted ring that's steeped in history just lying around lately?

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Rose, what's the problem?
Rose: Oh, Blanche thinks I should go to the hospital tomorrow. Well, if Miles didn't tell me about the surgery, doesn't that mean he doesn't want me there?
Blanche: Excuse me, Rose, you're about to make a grave mistake. You come to me if you want advice on men. You go to Dorothy if there's grammar you want help with.
Dorothy: You ended that sentence with a preposition just to bait me.
Blanche: What would I do that for?

Quote from Sophia

Blanche: Look, I know how to settle this. Let me tell you a story of the steamy South. A tale of deception and tragedy.
Sophia: Just a second, Uncle Remus.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Go ahead, Blanche.
Blanche: No, the mood has been ruined. Suffice it to say, it involved a men's club, a vine rope, and a large bottle of Absorbine Jr.
Dorothy: Blanche, how could you possibly think that this would help Rose decide what to do about Miles being ill in the hospital?
Rose: Oh, Blanche, God bless you. I see it all so clearly now. I don't care what Miles does, I'm going to be at that hospital tomorrow.
Blanche: And she still hasn't worn your sweatshirt.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Well, if it's important to you, I'll support you. But why didn't you tell me about it earlier?
Miles: Well, for the same reason that those formulas that dye hair do it gradually. I mean, it's the kind of thing you want people to notice, but not to be able to pinpoint.
Rose: I didn't know you dyed your hair.
Miles: Rose, my hair is gray. It's been gray since we met.
Rose: Boy, that is gradual.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Good mornin'.
Dorothy: Oh, how was your date last night?
Blanche: Oh, it's too soon to tell. I'll let you know when I send him home.

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Is this for Rose's birthday?
Dorothy: Oh, now, look, don't you start with me. Every Christmas, every birthday, any time we have to give a gift to the same person, you always find something wrong with mine so yours looks better.
Blanche: I didn't say anything. But let's face it, those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it. Look at the ducky wrappin' paper. And the little stick-on bow. Did you get her a Ziggy card?
Dorothy: No.
Blanche: Oh, my. Not Snoopy?
Dorothy: [hiding a card] I didn't get her a card.

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Coming through. The Pope's in town and I've got a bus to catch. Let's see, I've got my binoculars, my lucky rosary... Uh-oh, I forgot my whoopee cushion. Ah, who am I kidding? Everyone on that bus will be over 80. It'd be like getting a dog to bark in a kennel.

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Oh, the Pope is saying a mass on his stopover here. Ma got two tickets. We're going together. Oh, a papal mass is something people wait a lifetime for.
Sophia: Whoops.
Dorothy: "Whoops"? Is that Pope-related, or just another bark in the kennel?
Sophia: The Pope. I traded our two bad tickets way in the back for one good ticket way up front.
Dorothy: Well, Ma, what about me?
Sophia: Uh, I thought about that. This is the plan. We'll get one of those really long overcoats, I'll stand on your shoulders, and...
Dorothy: And what? Blend in with the circus folk?

Quote from Sophia

Sophia: Dorothy, I need to get close to the Pope so I can ask him to come and bless my friend Agnes in the hospital.
Blanche: Oh, well, now, isn't that sweet? But, honey, with all those people, there's no way you're ever going to get the Pope to notice you.
Sophia: [taking out a foam finger] Oh, he'll notice me.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Oh, Dorothy! Oh, a second-hand sweatshirt with my name misspelled on it. Oh, you're right, Dorothy, I love it!
Dorothy: Rose, that is the original Mickey Mouse Club sweatshirt that Roy wore! I got it at an auction.
Rose: Oh, my God. I loved Roy. Oh, there was something about him. Woof! Oh, Dorothy, I just can't imagine a better birthday present.
Dorothy: Neither can I. Blanche?

Quote from Blanche

Blanche: Rose, before I give you mine, I just want to ask you one question. It may seem a little odd, but it has a lot to do with your gift. Has Miles started wearing bikini underwear lately?
Dorothy: Blanche, please, the Pope is in town.
Blanche: I'm serious.
Rose: Actually, Miles did buy some bikinis. But just the bottoms.
Blanche: I have been watching Miles for a while, and I think he's going through a crisis. He is showing all the signs. Trying to act trendy, trying to be young. And if he's also wearing bikinis-
Rose: Just the bottoms.
Blanche: Mmm-hmm. Well, Rose, I'm afraid he may start playin' around on you.

Quote from Blanche

Dorothy: Wait a minute. None of this proves that Miles is even thinking of cheating on Rose.
Blanche: You're absolutely right, Dorothy. And that is why I have hired a detective to follow Miles and find out for sure! Happy birthday, honey!
Dorothy: A detective? You're giving the gift of suspicion?
Blanche: That's right. He's gonna follow Miles everywhere he goes for the next two weeks. Oh, and if you really love any of the pictures, you can get 'em in wallet size.

Quote from Rose

Rose: Blanche, I'm not sure. Miles has never given me the slightest reason to distrust him.
Blanche: Rose, he was in the Witness Protection Program. He lied about his job, his past, his name. Everything!
Rose: Well, it is already paid for.

Quote from Rose

Rose: [loudly] We're going out now! Outside on the lanai!
Miles: [loudly] Uh, yes! Yes, here we are! [laughs] We're probably gonna sit in these chairs. Rose? Why did we do that?
Rose: Did it seem odd to you?
Miles: Well, well, yes, a little. But, hey, you're the birthday girl.

Quote from Rose

Miles: Hey, I got an idea. I'm- I'm feeling a little frisky. Did you ever make love in the out-of-doors?
Rose: Miles, no. Well, just once. Charlie and I went to St. Olaf's most romantic outdoor trysting place. Mount Pushover. But that place was sacred. Not out here, Miles.

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