Dorothy: Gloria, hello. We were just talking about you. How are you?
Gloria: [sobbing]
Rose: Oh, nice going, Dorothy.
Dorothy: I asked her how she was doing. I mean, it's not as if I mentioned her dead husband. [all sobbing]

Gloria: Right now, my life feels like one frightening gaping maw ready to consume me. Did you ever feel like that?
Dorothy: Every day. And then something changed. I made friends, I found support. And, of course, I had Ma. Frightening, gaping Ma.

Dorothy: Well, I'm not gonna let any bad news affect me today. I am in control of my fate. For once in her life, Dorothy Zbornak is the master of her own destiny. I am woman. Hear me roar. [screams]
Gloria: Dorothy.
Dorothy: Gloria, Stan.
Stan: Good news, Dorothy. I'm off the monkey.

Gloria: Dorothy, are you okay?
Dorothy: [laughing] Oh, what a dream. I dreamt that you and Stan were in bed together. Isn't that silly? Oh, I mean, my loving sister and the man I despise most. [Stan enters in Dorothy's nightgown] Oh, God, the nightmare continues!

Dorothy: How could you do this? How could you do this to me?
Stan: Dorothy, there's a hurricane a-coming. Fierce winds and driving rains. Who knows what's gonna happen to all of us? I felt scared and vulnerable.
Dorothy: Oh, Stan, you big, bald girl.

Police Officer: Hello, ma'am. Are you the resident here?
Dorothy: Oh, my God. It's my mother.
Police Officer: No, ma'am, I'm a police officer.
Dorothy: I'm aware of that.

Dorothy: Oh, come on now. You can too shoot them.
Police Officer #2: I cannot shoot them. I can only shoot looters.
Dorothy: Oh, I understand. Stan, pick up the TV on your way out, will you?

Stan: Can you believe it? The machines are all empty.
Dorothy: Oh, that's terrible. Would you like a Clark bar?
Stan: Sure.
Dorothy: $2.50.
Stan: It's nice to be able to talk again like human beings, like friends.
Dorothy: I said $2.50, Stan.

Stan: Dorothy, what's happening to us?
Dorothy: I don't know. I was thinking about it myself. I don't approve of you and Gloria, but if you honestly love her You know, I don't think I love her.
Stan: I'm realizing that maybe I was with her just to make you jealous. It was the same thing with the monkey.
Dorothy: You know something, Stan? I was a little jealous.
Stan: Dorothy, it was just an old traffic cone with a monkey head on the top.
Dorothy: Jealous of my sister, you idiot.

Stan: You're right. You know, this is what I miss. You calling me "idiot." You slamming the door in my face when I come over.
Dorothy: I know what you mean. We weren't that happy when we were married. We weren't that happy when we were going to remarry. Seems our relationship works best when we're just plain divorced.
Stan: I don't want to spend two years without speaking to you.
Dorothy: No, we shouldn't, Stan. We share children. We share grandchildren. And I like slamming the door in your face.