Dorothy: Blanche, have you ever met a man you didn't think was giving you the eye?
Blanche: Once, in 1976. But it was only two days later that Mr. President Jimmy Carter announced to the American people that he had secretly lusted in his heart.

Sophia: Dorothy, let me tell you a story. Picture it. Sicily, 1922. A young military officer stationed far from home. He wanders the streets seeking a friendly face and a glass of Chianti. Finally, he happens into a dusty little cafe where he finds both. The man laughs for the first time in months. And finds inspiration in a beautiful peasant girl, wise beyond her years. When the cafe is closed, she takes him home with her. Three glorious days, they make love and drink wine. He returns to his command prepared to lead his people through whatever battles need to be fought. Dorothy, that young peasant girl was me. And that young man was Winston Churchill.
Dorothy: Ma, you made that whole thing up. Now what is your point?
Sophia: That I made it up. It was a little lie that gave me a lot of pleasure. If Rose is happy, and there was no harm done, let her have that.

Rose: The Wigleys were a revered family. Yeah, until the scandal. Oh, it was just terrible. The Navy came to town to take bids for a big submarine contract. They said they wanted three submarines built for around a million dollars. Well, Finneas said he could make 100 for half the money. So, of course, he got the contract. When the Navy came to check on the progress, six months later, they discovered there'd been a misunderstanding. Finneas had made 100 hoagie heroes for $500,000. He claimed the reason they were so expensive was he had used all imported meats and cheeses.

Rose: Buddy, would you like to stay for dinner? I'm making sweet-and-sour smelt kabobs.
Dorothy: Smelt kabobs. Oh, darn, I had them for lunch.
Blanche: Me too.
Buddy: They served them on the plane.

Blanche: Now, I am wearing this dress. Dorothy! It deserves to be displayed on a devastatingly beautiful body.
Dorothy: Who are you gonna send it to, Kim Basinger?
Blanche: And what is that supposed to mean?
Dorothy: Why don't you think about it while inhaling your next cheese cake.
Blanche: How dare she imply that I overeat. Oh, makes me so mad! Oh, darn. We're out of Chips Ahoy. I'm gonna get out of this girdle and go down to the market for some cookies and bean dip.

Blanche: Dorothy, you found the dress for the banquet. Oh, do you just adore it? Does it stir emotions deep within you? Could you just throw yourself down and die for it?
Dorothy: It's a dress, Blanche, it's not the Alamo.
Blanche: Well, it must be pretty special. It took you five weeks to find it.
Dorothy: That's because I'm hard to fit.
Blanche: I can see that, Dorothy, I'm not blind. Well, I didn't mean anything by that, honey. Actually, I tend to fall between sizes myself. Usually, I'm smack dab between a four...
Dorothy: And a 16.

Sophia: Dorothy, you gonna show me the dress or not?
Dorothy: Be right there.
Sophia: Get a move on. If you hurry up, I can give you an honest unbiased opinion and you'll still have time to return it before the mall closes tonight.
Dorothy: Well, Ma, what do you think?
Sophia: Pussycat, you look sensational.
Dorothy: You really think so, Ma?
Sophia: I really think so. I've never seen you look so beautiful.
Dorothy: Thanks, Ma.
Sophia: Who's the designer? He deserves a Nobel Prize for miracles.
Dorothy: Why do I even ask you?
Sophia: I'm your mother, I'm gonna tell you whether you ask me or not.

Dorothy: Ma, if you didn't like the dress, you should have just told me.
Sophia: Hey, I was trying to be helpful.
Dorothy: Asking if it came with a sign saying "Wide Load" is not being helpful. I will never ever take you shopping with me again.
Sophia: Fine, I'll shop at the mall by myself. Then I'll be able to pee when I'm good and ready.

Dorothy: And Ma, I really would like you to go with me and help me pick out a dress. What do you say?
Sophia: What do I say? I'm your mother, Dorothy. I was there for you when you needed a communion dress. I was there for you when you needed a prom dress. I was there for you when you needed a wedding dress. And frankly, I'm sick of it. Buy your own damn dress.

Blanche: Dorothy, this is crazy. Since when do you care how you look?
Dorothy: I think it started when I came down from the bell tower and had my hump fixed!